Archive for the ‘iPod’ Category

By the Time Chastity Got HIV, She'd Stepped It Up to a BMW

20-something preppy female on BlackBerry: What do you mean where was I last night?! Are you out of your damn mind? I took an Ambien and passed out at 9 pm! (pause) Yeah, you should be sorry, you asshole. I'll let you make it up to me with a new iPod for Christmas. (pause) No, the blue one! Ugh. I have to go back to work, but there better be an apology e-mail waiting at my desk.
Shocked coworker: Lindsey, you were dancing with me on tables until 4 am!
20-something preppy female on BlackBerry: Obvious! But I can't tell my boyfriend that. Then he will definitely know I hooked up with that gorgeous Australian.
Shocked coworker: Wow. That's impressive.
20-something preppy female on BlackBerry: Oh, please. That's nothing. Wait till the Monday inquisition, when I'll have to step it up to an iPhone! –Starbucks

On the Plus Side, I Get Tons Of Days Off for All Sorts Of Random Holidays

Overly enthusiastic customer: So I heard that they are coming out with a 32 gb iPhone for Christmas. Like a red product thing for Christmas. Is that true?
Overly perky Apple employee: Well, sir, I wouldn't know because I'm Jewish and whenever they have Christmas meetings, they kick me out of the room. –Apple Store SoHo, Prince & Greene St Overheard by: are they allowed to say that?

Whatever You Do, Don't Drop Your Wednesday One-Liner in the Toilet

Dude with headphones on: How the fuck did Britney Spears get on my iPod? –13th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Alice Bus driver: Next stop, 47th Street. And to the asshole who has his iPod on too loud, turn it down or I'll throw you the fuck off. –M15 Bus Overheard by: Turned mine off immediately White girl: It was like Hanukkah on my iPod yesterday! It said there was no battery left but it lasted for two hours! –Bayside, Queens Overheard by: Alexandra Dad to girl: If you can just get over being a pissy girl, you get a free iPod Touch. –23rd St & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Jill Twiss Really stoned girl, looking at iTunes latest releases: iFart mobile? Do they really have that for sale? iPhone can fart now? (pause) Is there anything an Apple device can't do? –Bayside, Queens Man playing electric guitar on subway: I take Mexican money, I take umbrellas. I take whatever you got. I have three kids at home who need iPods. –2 Train Overheard by: res

Anything for a Laugh, You Know?

Blonde girl: I saw that really handsome guy on the bus yesterday, and I was so happy cuz I haven't seen him in a month. I actually got really close to him, too. But the worst thing happened.
Brunette girl: Oh, that like, 40-year-old hot guy? What, was he like, hideously disfigured up close or something? Did he smell like bologna?
Blonde girl: No. He was gorgeous and perfect as usual. It was much worse. I was listening to my iPod, and I noticed he was talking on the phone. I turned my iPod down to hear his voice, finally, and it…it was not good.
Brunette girl: Not god?
Blonde girl: It was like fucking Ray Romano. With the honk and the accent and the shrill nasal whine! I wanted to die! I wanted to die. –R Train

Wednesday One-Liners Can’t Hear a Word You’re Saying

Mom to two-year-old bawling in stroller: Adriana, I am not going to argue with you — you are not getting an iPod! –14th St, between 5th & 6th Ave Panhandler: Good morning, ladies and gentlemen. I’m homeless, and I’m hungry. If anyone can help me out with food, something to drink, a spare iPod, a Macy’s gift card, or anything else that rhymes with that, I’d appreciate it. I know you’re human. We have to help each other out. If you were slaves, I’d free all of you. Even the white people. –Manhattan-bound A train Overheard by: courtenay Mother yelling at misbehaving 11-year-old son: Do you want to be grounded from your iPod this weekend? –22nd & 3rd Overheard by: Dave H. Aerobics instructor: Yeah, I’ve got everything I need — I’ve got an iPod, I’ve got a boyfriend… –W 63rd & West End Ave Overheard by: Suze V Gay barista with asymmetrically-fashioned hair: Oh, yeah, I had really fancy ear bud headphones, too… But then I dropped them in a puddle of my own vomit on the subway, so now I have cheap ones. Yeah, that sucked. –Bushwick Ave, East Williamsburg Old woman pointing at guy’s iPod: Excuse me, young man, but what is that? –Times Square shuttle Overheard by: goofopet

Steal This Wednesday One-Liner!

Teacher, after taking pencil from a student as part of a demonstration: Man, I just love stealing stuff from you kids! –Brooklyn Tech Overheard by: Liz Ghetto teen looking at chick hiding her iPod: Don’t worry, I’m not gonna steal that shit. She thinks I’m gonna steal that shit. I should just steal that shit to spite her. Shit. –B1 bus Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl Nerdy kid answering cell: Hello? Hello?! Hello! What?! No! No, I didn’t steal Max’s wallet! No! –Penn Station Overheard by: Now deaf in my right ear Guy selling watches on street: Come on, everyone, you need a watch. The best in the city, stolen from all your favorite warehouses. –53rd & 7th Man to lady: You lyin’, stealin’, your feet stink, and you don’t believe in Jesus. –Target, Atlantic Center Guy to girlfriend: …So I had to steal from them so that I could protect them. –72nd & Broadway Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1 Professor: Stealing is good, okay? Plagiarism is bad, but stealing is very, very good. –Columbia University Overheard by: Lili

No-Class Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: Man, it was harder to cheat on that test than to just do it! –23rd & Lex Overheard by: Lisa Girl on cell: Yo! I’m in class trying to act all straight, and it’s hard. No, I have a test right now. I took like four o’ that shit. I have to go, my professor’s here. –John Jay College of Criminal Justice Overheard by: hannah JAP: Well, the professor hates me. He only thinks of me as the girl who leaves 20 minutes into his class, and I don’t know how to change it. –Shun Lee Palace Overheard by: colette Student: Shit, my iPod is more important than my classes. –Borough of Manhattan Community College Overheard by: Caitl Hipster teen: He got rejected from community college? He must have written on his essay, ‘I want to prey on Bronx Science kids and mug them.’ –6 train, 68th St Overheard by: glad they went to private school