Archive for the ‘iPod’ Category

Steal This Wednesday One-Liner!

Teacher, after taking pencil from a student as part of a demonstration: Man, I just love stealing stuff from you kids!

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Liz

Ghetto teen looking at chick hiding her iPod: Don’t worry, I’m not gonna steal that shit. She thinks I’m gonna steal that shit. I should just steal that shit to spite her. Shit.

–B1 bus

Overheard by: Anti-Traffic Girl

Nerdy kid answering cell: Hello? Hello?! Hello! What?! No! No, I didn’t steal Max’s wallet! No!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Now deaf in my right ear

Guy selling watches on street: Come on, everyone, you need a watch. The best in the city, stolen from all your favorite warehouses.

–53rd & 7th

Man to lady: You lyin’, stealin’, your feet stink, and you don’t believe in Jesus.

–Target, Atlantic Center

Guy to girlfriend: …So I had to steal from them so that I could protect them.

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Surfer Dude #1

Professor: Stealing is good, okay? Plagiarism is bad, but stealing is very, very good.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Lili

No-Class Wednesday One-Liners

Dude: Man, it was harder to cheat on that test than to just do it!

–23rd & Lex

Overheard by: Lisa

Girl on cell: Yo! I’m in class trying to act all straight, and it’s hard. No, I have a test right now. I took like four o’ that shit. I have to go, my professor’s here.

–John Jay College of Criminal Justice

Overheard by: hannah

JAP: Well, the professor hates me. He only thinks of me as the girl who leaves 20 minutes into his class, and I don’t know how to change it.

–Shun Lee Palace

Overheard by: colette

Student: Shit, my iPod is more important than my classes.

–Borough of Manhattan Community College

Overheard by: Caitl

Hipster teen: He got rejected from community college? He must have written on his essay, ‘I want to prey on Bronx Science kids and mug them.’

–6 train, 68th St

Overheard by: glad they went to private school

Tourists on Trains and Snakes on Planes

Teen boy tourist #1: Okay, finally we’re on the damn train.
Teen boy tourist #2: Yeah, for real. Take forever, god!
Teen boy tourist #1: Hey, you know, those people lied to us! They said we can take the N, but this one is going to 14th Street, too. I read the map.
Teen boy tourist #2: Why did they lie to us?
Teen boy tourist #1: Probably because we were acting like such tourists. That’s probably what they do, just stand in the subway waiting to prey on confused tourist kids.
Teen boy tourist #2: We should get some iPods. That would fix it.
Teen boy tourist #1: Why would that fix it?
Teen boy tourist #2: Look around. I count five people on this train with iPods. They make you look ‘New York.’

–Downtown W train

Overheard by: The N would have gotten you there faster…


Headline by: Sean Boudreau


Runners-Up:
· “But the fold up maps make us look like we’re from Jersey.” – Jeff
· “For every ipod in the subway, apple kills a tourist” – monkey
· “Know What Else Is Authentic? Gunshot Wounds” – J.M. Berger
· “Losing The “God Hates Fags” Shirts Would Also Help” – miss c
· “New York: Uhh, Lose Ten Pounds, Convert to Judaism, and Maybe We’ll Talk” – salute deez nuts
· “Nobody tell them about the secret handshake” – Destroyer
· “Sure, you can buy the ipod, but the disaffected stare can only be acquired from years of indifference” – morgz
· “That look isn’t new york, it’s contempt” – squirrel
· “You can keep them in your fanny packs” – jh




Click here to see the new Headline Contest

His Last Girlfriend Wore a Pink Jacket But Couldn’t Tell Time

Hipster: I love my iPod. If you try to take my iPod, I’ll take your life… and give it to somebody.
Sidekick: Yeah?
Hipster: Yeah, I love my iPod. It plays what I want to hear and tells time. If I’m gonna marry anybody, I’ll marry my iPod.
Sidekick: Yeah?
Hipster: Yeah. I’ll even put one of those little pink jacket things on it, so it’ll at least look like a girl.
Sidekick: Yeah.
–N train

Overheard by: britt

I’m Pretty Sure She Meant ‘Inconvenient’

Ghetto girl #1: So I took [the iPod].
Ghetto girl #2: See, if it was sitting on top I would take it, but I wouldn’t go through their bag. That’s just inconsiderate. –Downtown D train Overheard by: Brian
Headline by: Lisa
Runners-Up:
· “But When I Stabbed Her I Kept My Pinkie Finger Sticking Out” – tech98
· “Comes With Nano-Sized Morals and Earbuds to Block Out the Sounds of Your Cellmates” – Mia A.
· “If You Still Want to Listen to Nelly Furtado, Steal Another iPod Within 12 Hours” – Hunter North
· “It’s Not Like It Was Tied to His Wheelchair All That Tightly Either” – corey mcpubes
· “It’s Only Rape If She’s Wearing Undewear” – john
· “Martha Says: ‘When Jacking Someone’s Tunes, It’s Proper to Leave an Origami Swan in Their Bag. It’s a Good Thing.’” – Jatmos
· “Maybe She Was Borrowing It From a Friend, You Racist Fucks” – ceci
· “She’s Practicing So She Knows How to Get Time Off For Good Behavior” – Shane
· “That Reminds Me of the Time I Found a Walkman Next to a Dead Rollerblader.” – Hobo Whisperer
· “There’s a Big Difference Between Stealing and Stealing” – Piret
· “When I Turned the Bag Upside Down, It Was on Top. DUH!” – Redneck Jedi

Click here to see the new Headline Contest