Archive for the ‘Irish’ Category

And Is Lucky the Leprechaun a Prima Donna in Real Life?

(Irish service elevator operator is showing new guy the ropes, delivery Thug walks in)
Operator, with Irish brogue: What’s up?
Thug: 11 C, man. (thug looks at the new guy)
Thug: You new man? Yo, I gotta ask you a question, do you drink beer?
New guy: Yup.
Thug: You drink Guinness?
New guy: Yeah, sometimes.
Thug: Alright, I gotta know, is the Guinness here different from the Guinness back home?
New guy: I am a Long Island Jew.
Thug: Shit, for real? I thought everybody who worked here was from Ireland.
(thug gets off the elevator to make delivery)
Operator: You should’ve asked him if it’s different buying food in a supermarket instead of having to chase and kill it with a spear. –E 77th St

I Thought That Was Self-Pity

Asian girl: If you had a dick, do you think it would be big? I think mine would be big.
Irish girl: You’re, like, four-foot-eleven! How big could it be?
Asian girl: Oh, it would be big. What about you? Would your dick be big?
Irish girl: No.
Asian girl: But you’re tall! And you have big feet!
Irish girl: It’s the Irish curse. –4th & 8th Overheard by: knows what she means

Wednesday One-Liners’ Middle Name Is Ralph, As in Puke

Subway announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, please be aware that there is no V train service on the weekends… That’s V as in ‘vomit.’ –57th St station Overheard by: heroine in iniquity Gotti-looking girl: Yeah, and I wasn’t having a good time so she was like, ‘Why didn’t you just get drunk and throw up on him?’ and I was like, ‘Because I’m not gonna stoop to his level. I’ll just have someone break his legs.’ –LIRR Hicksville Overheard by: Sarah Conductor: No fighting, no throwing up. –LIRR train Overheard by: Kristen Drunk frat boy: Yo, man, what’s your poison tonight? What do you feel like tasting on the way up, bro? Do you want a puke jager? Do you want a puke jager? –PATH to Christopher St Metal guy to friend: I’m tellin’ you, if you gotta throw up you can’t beat pancakes and syrup. –Burger King, 34th St Overheard by: Glad I was done eating Irish girl: It was a great night! No one peed in the shower, no one puked in their purse… None of that ever happened! –168th & Ft Washington Ave

Just be sure you don’t give her The Baby

Irish Guy #1: Did you see Peaches last week?
Irish Guy #2: Yeah.
Irish Guy #1: Mank. But I’d still give her the fuck. Headline by: International Man of Leisure Runners-Up: · “’tis the fuck o’ the Irish” – brian brinegar · “And also, presumably, the cream” – lauren · “May the bitch rise up to meet your cock” – Drewster · “Mick Wanker Dicks Mank Yank Skank” – Rod W · “Yeah, I’d hit the pit!” – janine
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