Cute queer to hot Asian friend: I would rather have you drive drunk and stay at a friend's place in Manhattan then take a cab back to Jersey.
–Manhattan
Professor: For Muslims, the afterlife is more real to them than it is to me or you. For them, dying is like…going to New Jersey. Beautiful New Jersey.
–Stern Building, NYU
Overheard by: Emily
Trashy girl (knocking on door of a convenience store that just closed): Yo, let me in! I just want to buy a Heineken before I go back to New Jersey!
–W 108th & Amsterdam Ave
Overheard by: MR
Construction worker to people exiting PATH station: You're from Jersey! You should be happy!
–Vesey St & Church St
20-something on cell: I'm at Penn station and there are so many guidos and guidettes on their way back to Jersey. Watching them is like watching babies stuck in a McDonald's ball pit.
–Penn Station
NJ Transit worker: You'd be surprised how many honest people there are in New Jersey.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Jersey Girl
Conductor: This is a Jersey bound Q train. Oh shiiiiit.
–Brooklyn Bound Q Train
Overheard by: office peon
Archive for the ‘Islam’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Totally Moved There Before It Was Cool
Bearded guy to female friend: I went to Williamsburg and was like: "Who *are* all these people that look just like me?
–Café Pick Me Up, 9th & Ave A
Overheard by: Doibles
Young hipster: I only date girls from the Lower East Side or Williamsburg.
–9th St & Ave A
Overheard by: bildita
NYU girl to friend: Berlin is like, the new, like… Williamsburg.
–4th Ave & 12th St
Overheard by: john.ainley
Young girl: I’m Middle Eastern, and I swear to god if I see another honky wearing a keffiyeh I’m going to commit fucking Jihad on Williamsburg.
–Park Slope, Brooklyn
Visitor, looking around in bewilderment: Why is everyone trying to look like they’re poor?
–Bagel Shop, Williamsburg
Overheard by: NCT
Wednesday One-Liners (the King James Version)
Cute chick on cell: If the Amish can do it, so can you. [Pause, then louder.] If the Amish can do it, so can you!
–113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Lady on cell: You tell my momma to get her ass to church and stop sinning!
–Grand Concourse, 205th St.
Overheard by: LSB
Black guy to another: Go to the Catholic church, cracka. They got good drugs.
–11th & A
Middle Eastern man: I believe in Islam and Allah, but I drink, I smoke, and I fuck. When I stop doing those things, then I’ll pray.
–C Train
Overheard by: Mark
Thug: I totally invented the Chuck Norris religion.
–Queens Mall
Overheard by: LSB
Where Was Your God When You Wet the Bed at That Sleepover Party?
Eight-year-old Italian boy: My god… My god isn’t Allah, right?
Teenage sister: You don’t have a god.
Eight-year-old Italian boy, screaming: Yes I do!
–30th Ave & Crescent St, Astoria
Overheard by: Regardless, he surely has a beard
I Grudgingly Obey the Laws of This Godless Democracy
Middle East man, exiting his vendor cart: But I miss you!
Retreating American woman: You have, like, five wives and three girlfriends.
Middle East man: No! I do not!
–13th & 5th
Overheard by: Colleen
Well, OK, But He’s Definitely Not a Creepy Mormon!
Obama volunteer, on super Tuesday: Have you had a chance to make it out to the polls yet?
Old woman, angrily: I don’t like Muslims. [walks past].
Volunteer: Ummmm… [shouts after her] he’s Christian!
Old woman, turning back, even angrier: No he’s not!
–53rd & Lexington
Overheard by: NCS
Wednesday Just Can’t Commit to a One-Liner
Mid-20s girl: I never date a guy who gets more than three questions wrong on the SATs. I don’t plan it, it just works out that way.
–23rd & 8th
Overheard by: Limey
Hipster on cell: I went through this time when I was like, ‘I could have 800 girlfriends at the same time and just not tell them about each other.’ That was much easier…
–Bedford Ave, Williamsburg
Guy pointing to nothing in particular on the sidewalk: Uh, dude, you dropped your girlfriend.
–Times Square
Overheard by: christine
Muslim woman in full abaya, dragging husband along: Right now I need to focus on my needs. Do you hear me? This is about my needs!
–Atlantic Ave, in front of Brooklyn Heights YMCA
Man to woman on the sidewalk: Well, we had our one, but it wasn’t so much a fight as it was a mini-series.
–12th, between 6th & 5th
Overheard by: Karen
Girl: My asshole boyfriend! I was just staying with him until Valentine’s Day so that I could get a present, and tomorrow he’s history! But then I didn’t even get that!
–NYU Silver Center
I Just Like Getting On My Knees Five Times A Day
Hairdresser #1: So, you’re a practicing Muslim?
Hairdresser #2: Yep.
Hairdresser #1: So, do Muslims pray to God, or Mohammed, or both?
Hairdresser #2: I don’t really get into the details.
–East 19th St & Ave R, Brooklyn
Overheard by: brooklyn blonde
Headline by: ilemanzer
Runners-Up:
· “I pray to Allah Updo and Crewcut Christ” – katcob
· “I’m just into the hating Jews part.” – DaveO
· “I’m more about the accessories” – Ty
· “Islam is in-er than Thai ladyboys this season.” – eyp
· “Neither does the President.” – Becca
Click here to see the new Headline Contest
Yet Another Drawback of Abstinence-Only Education
White guy to girl: You know both these guys are Muslim, so don’t piss them off. Muslims don’t care if they die because then they’ll get 72 virgins.
Muslim #1: It’s not 72 virgins, it’s 45 virgins.
Muslim #2: I thought it was 40 virgins.
White guy: But a Muslim person told me that it was 72 virgins.
Muslim #1: What are you gonna do with 72 virgins, man?
White guy: The same thing you’re gonna do with 45 virgins, but I would get tired of telling them what to do.
–MetroTech, Lawrence St
Overheard by: Jannine Ramlochan
When You See a Running Burka, Can a Judicial Stoning Be Far Behind?
Teen boy, watching a running woman in burka: When you see one of those runnin’, you gotta run for cover!
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: someone’s mom