Archive for the ‘Islam’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners in a Garden State of Mind

Cute queer to hot Asian friend: I would rather have you drive drunk and stay at a friend's place in Manhattan then take a cab back to Jersey.

–Manhattan

Professor: For Muslims, the afterlife is more real to them than it is to me or you. For them, dying is like…going to New Jersey. Beautiful New Jersey.

–Stern Building, NYU

Overheard by: Emily

Trashy girl (knocking on door of a convenience store that just closed): Yo, let me in! I just want to buy a Heineken before I go back to New Jersey!

–W 108th & Amsterdam Ave

Overheard by: MR

Construction worker to people exiting PATH station: You're from Jersey! You should be happy!

–Vesey St & Church St

20-something on cell: I'm at Penn station and there are so many guidos and guidettes on their way back to Jersey. Watching them is like watching babies stuck in a McDonald's ball pit.

–Penn Station

NJ Transit worker: You'd be surprised how many honest people there are in New Jersey.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Overheard by: Jersey Girl

Conductor: This is a Jersey bound Q train. Oh shiiiiit.

–Brooklyn Bound Q Train

Overheard by: office peon

Wednesday One-Liners Totally Moved There Before It Was Cool

Bearded guy to female friend: I went to Williamsburg and was like: "Who *are* all these people that look just like me?

–Café Pick Me Up, 9th & Ave A

Overheard by: Doibles

Young hipster: I only date girls from the Lower East Side or Williamsburg.

–9th St & Ave A

Overheard by: bildita

NYU girl to friend: Berlin is like, the new, like… Williamsburg.

–4th Ave & 12th St

Overheard by: john.ainley

Young girl: I’m Middle Eastern, and I swear to god if I see another honky wearing a keffiyeh I’m going to commit fucking Jihad on Williamsburg.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Visitor, looking around in bewilderment: Why is everyone trying to look like they’re poor?

–Bagel Shop, Williamsburg

Overheard by: NCT

Wednesday One-Liners (the King James Version)

Cute chick on cell: If the Amish can do it, so can you. [Pause, then louder.] If the Amish can do it, so can you!

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Lady on cell: You tell my momma to get her ass to church and stop sinning!

–Grand Concourse, 205th St.

Overheard by: LSB

Black guy to another: Go to the Catholic church, cracka. They got good drugs.

–11th & A

Middle Eastern man: I believe in Islam and Allah, but I drink, I smoke, and I fuck. When I stop doing those things, then I’ll pray.

–C Train

Overheard by: Mark

Thug: I totally invented the Chuck Norris religion.

–Queens Mall

Overheard by: LSB

Wednesday Just Can’t Commit to a One-Liner

Mid-20s girl: I never date a guy who gets more than three questions wrong on the SATs. I don’t plan it, it just works out that way.

–23rd & 8th

Overheard by: Limey

Hipster on cell: I went through this time when I was like, ‘I could have 800 girlfriends at the same time and just not tell them about each other.’ That was much easier…

–Bedford Ave, Williamsburg

Guy pointing to nothing in particular on the sidewalk: Uh, dude, you dropped your girlfriend.

–Times Square

Overheard by: christine

Muslim woman in full abaya, dragging husband along: Right now I need to focus on my needs. Do you hear me? This is about my needs!

–Atlantic Ave, in front of Brooklyn Heights YMCA

Man to woman on the sidewalk: Well, we had our one, but it wasn’t so much a fight as it was a mini-series.

–12th, between 6th & 5th

Overheard by: Karen

Girl: My asshole boyfriend! I was just staying with him until Valentine’s Day so that I could get a present, and tomorrow he’s history! But then I didn’t even get that!

–NYU Silver Center

I Just Like Getting On My Knees Five Times A Day

Hairdresser #1: So, you’re a practicing Muslim?
Hairdresser #2: Yep.
Hairdresser #1: So, do Muslims pray to God, or Mohammed, or both?
Hairdresser #2: I don’t really get into the details.

–East 19th St & Ave R, Brooklyn

Overheard by: brooklyn blonde


Headline by: ilemanzer


Runners-Up:
· “I pray to Allah Updo and Crewcut Christ” – katcob
· “I’m just into the hating Jews part.” – DaveO
· “I’m more about the accessories” – Ty
· “Islam is in-er than Thai ladyboys this season.” – eyp
· “Neither does the President.” – Becca




Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Yet Another Drawback of Abstinence-Only Education

White guy to girl: You know both these guys are Muslim, so don’t piss them off. Muslims don’t care if they die because then they’ll get 72 virgins.
Muslim #1: It’s not 72 virgins, it’s 45 virgins.
Muslim #2: I thought it was 40 virgins.
White guy: But a Muslim person told me that it was 72 virgins.
Muslim #1: What are you gonna do with 72 virgins, man?
White guy: The same thing you’re gonna do with 45 virgins, but I would get tired of telling them what to do.

–MetroTech, Lawrence St

Overheard by: Jannine Ramlochan