Archive for the ‘Italians’ Category

Wednesdays Brush After Every One-Liner

Big, Italian guy on cell: Braces? (pause) Why do you want braces? (pause) You don't just get them 'cause you want them! –Penn Station Overheard by: I hated braces 30-something woman to friend: I started getting cavities after I started making out with boys. –Queens Overheard by: Angela Drunk guy: I wasn't having a heart attack, I was at the dentist! –M60 Bus Happy tall man on cell: Alright, nigga, brush your teef and all that, I wanna get high! –111th & Lenox Ave

How Carlo Ended Up in Iraq

Confused Italian tourist: Excuse me, this go to South Ferry?
Guy: Yes. It's the last stop.
Confused Italian tourist: How I tell?
Guy: What? It's the last stop.
Confused Italian tourist: How I tell? How I know?
Guy: All the other tourists will get off! Follow the people like you.
Confused Italian tourist: No! How I tell!
Guy: That guy with the camera… follow him! –Downtown 1 Train Overheard by: Spoke Italian but was feeling unhelpful

Clap If You Believe in Wednesday One-Liners

NYU guy: I'm like a centaur, if ya know what I mean. –University & 4th St Overheard by: sarah Female hipster to friends: Well, vampires are the new zombies! –147th & Convent Thuggish straight guy to another: Oh, I'd much rather be a faggot than a demon, dawg. –Park Ave & Spring St Overheard by: Christopher Schulz Interviewer, trying to convince interviewee: There's not much of a future in being an elf. –Macy's Italian woman, staring at guy wearing Ghostbusters t-shirt: You donta lika da ghosts? –Meatpacking District Overheard by: Looking for my proton pack

“That'sa Spicy Wednesday One-Liner!”

Drunk guy, matter-of-factly: Everyone comes in here and thinks they're smelling pot, when really they're just smelling Italians. –Hammerstein Ballroom Men's Room Young girl on cell: Well, I mean, I have eaten macaroni. Does that count as Italian? –Grand Central Overheard by: Kayla Monetta Man on cell: And this guy smelled like shit! (pause) Yeah, I told him, "you smell like Italian." –E 10th & 3rd Ave Overheard by: molina1230 Loud bridesmaid at Guido wedding: I'm Sicilian from the waist up, American from the waist down. –Brooklyn Botanic Garden College guy to friend: From the minute they got here, they started eating. Italian feasts are pornography. Italian food is illicit sex to the puritans. Everything the puritans eat is bland and brown. –Brooklyn College Middle-aged, pot-bellied guy with a long pony-tail, stopping young woman on the street: Excuse me, but I just want to say, once you've had Italian food, you're not hungry for anything else. I just ate a calzone and now I'm going to go home and just go to sleep! –8th St & Broadway Overheard by: Not hungry either

And a Large Trash Bag, If You Have Any

Crazy Italian man to cashier: Fucking asshole! Where's my fucking money, fucking asshole?! You owe me money! She's German!
Cashier: Who?
Crazy Italian man: The German whore owes me $10,000! You'll be finding her body in the basement! That whore better watch out! I'm Italian and I know mafiosi from here to Beverly Hills! …I'll have a coffee to go… –Europan Cafe, Columbus Circle Overheard by: ryan and erin

Wednesday One-Liners: Now in Color!

Asian schoolgirl to friend: So he says "you're a racist," and I'm like, "I can't be a racist, I'm a race!" –Ridgewood, Queens Overheard by: Squidocto Fair-skinned Italian Long Island woman: So they both took a paper bag test, and passed. –Barnes & Noble Cafe Overheard by: a.j.w. Yuppie Indian woman: In *my* culture, I'm not black. –Flatbush Ave Overheard by: mojbe Ridiculously loud girl employee: Bobby! What's your ethnicity? –NYU Overheard by: …not the only shocked observer Eight-year old black kid to 20-something babysitter, about younger brother: He likes black girls, but I like white girls! –Outside Delancey Station