Archive for the ‘Italians’ Category

Wednesdays Brush After Every One-Liner

Big, Italian guy on cell: Braces? (pause) Why do you want braces? (pause) You don't just get them 'cause you want them!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: I hated braces

30-something woman to friend: I started getting cavities after I started making out with boys.

–Queens

Overheard by: Angela

Drunk guy: I wasn't having a heart attack, I was at the dentist!

–M60 Bus

Happy tall man on cell: Alright, nigga, brush your teef and all that, I wanna get high!

–111th & Lenox Ave

Clap If You Believe in Wednesday One-Liners

NYU guy: I'm like a centaur, if ya know what I mean.

–University & 4th St

Overheard by: sarah

Female hipster to friends: Well, vampires are the new zombies!

–147th & Convent

Thuggish straight guy to another: Oh, I'd much rather be a faggot than a demon, dawg.

–Park Ave & Spring St

Overheard by: Christopher Schulz

Interviewer, trying to convince interviewee: There's not much of a future in being an elf.

–Macy's

Italian woman, staring at guy wearing Ghostbusters t-shirt: You donta lika da ghosts?

–Meatpacking District

Overheard by: Looking for my proton pack

You Look Great! Have You Been Wednesday-One-Linering?

Old obese Italian guy sharing pizza and a pitcher of beer with old obese Italian friend: Yeah, so I walk 3-4 miles 5 times a week, and I eat a lot of salad.

–Carmine St.

Fat running lady to friend, watching middle school track team go by: Haha, look at dem running girls. I can run like that too!

–by the Hudson River

Morbidly obese woman walking track to group of friends: Look at all these people runnin da track all fast and shit. (panting) Look at dem with their skinny asses running past us like they're better and shit. Fagmuffins!

–Forest Park Track, Queens

Overheard by: D. Scibe

Girl on cell phone: I mean, usually in order to get a full workout it takes me like an hour to sweat. I never sweat, never. It's always so hard for me to get a workout. (pause) Yeah, seriously, I mean, I've gotta stretch first, work myself up, I mean… Really, it takes a long time til I feel like I've gotten a good workout usually. But this time it was just one… (pause) awesome, huge, unbelievable cock! (pause) Oh, shit, I forgot I'm in public!

–15th & 7th

Cop to guy in handcuffs: I swear to god I won't arrest you if you do 10 push-ups right now. Swear to god.

–28th & 2nd

My German Friends Tell Me What They Are

Employee in fitting room: You all just cut those women in line.
Woman in line: No, they said that they weren't in line. Right? Isn't that what they told all of you too?
Employee: But they were here before all of you in line now, you can't cut them.
Woman: They said that it was okay. I wouldn't just jump ahead of people. I'm Italian, but I do have limits.

–Loehmann's, Upper West Side