Archive for the ‘Italians’ Category

Three Blind Wednesday One-Liners

Homeless man, watching cute little mouse: That mouse is aggressive! It'll attack you if provoked.

–Central Park

Concerned Long Island tween, pointing at a rat in the tracks: Oh my god, how did a squirrel get in here? Seriously, we should help it.

–W 4th St Station

Father to daughters, with head cocked up listening to dark void in the platform: Hear that, girls? The rats are playing.

–96th & Broadway Subway Platform

Overheard by: sueinthecity

Random blond chick: I don't wanna be the fricking mouse.

–Asian Restaurant, Chinatown

Dude: I was raised with rodents.

–Hunter College

Eight-year-old Italian kid to another: Hey, you know that bracelet you got at the feast? The next day I saw a mouse with it around his neck, swear to god!

–Lorimer & Maujer, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Natalya Petrovna

Pour Some Wednesday One-Liners on Me

Fireman on loudspeaker, as he drives by Magnolia Bakery in fire truck: It's just a cupcake!

–11th & Bleecker

Overheard by: Chris

Disappointed 20-something girl to girlfriends: Yeah, but they don't have chocolate covered penises there.

–Bleecker St

Overheard by: Brookelyn

Large Italian guy: What happened to my tiramisu? That's what I want to know!

–LIRR to Penn Station

Girl covered in pink frosting on cell: There's frosting all over me!

–170th & Broadway

Overheard by: Poogins

Hipster guy on cell: Yeah, so the food was like chocolate and chorizo…mother fucking chocolate and chorizo… No, it was good… You should try it… Why not? Fuck veganism! Some website… Myjambi. M-y-j-a-m-b-i. Why chocolate? How should I know? It's for the website. Yes, the website! I don't know why the dog was there.

–28th & Park

Old woman to overweight woman: You look like you would know the answer to this… Where is a cupcake bakery around here?

–53rd & 3rd

Let’s Talk About Wednesday One-Liner, Baby

Serious tween girl: I wanna get my braces off. I’ll be able to chew gum and be sexually active.

–1 Train

Old Italian man to young, really drunk Asian date outside of a restaurant: So, you wanna eat or you wanna fuck?

–17th & 7th

20-something girl on cell: So we get done and he’s like: "That was amazing. I don’t even want to know where you learned to do that." Is that a rhetorical question? Seriously, am I supposed to answer that?

–LIRR

Girl to friend: But I didn’t mean to have sex with him!

–Washington Square Park

Hot bald guy: I would have thought hurried bathroom-floor sex to have little ambiguity.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Woman to mailman: I never reported my mailman, and I was banging him!

–68th St b/w Lexington & Park Avenue

Wednesday One-Liners Are for Keeping Airports in

Girl to friends, while walking past bar: Oh, this is the place I got drunk at, then woke up in Queens.

–40th & 7th

Overheard by: Jesse

Drunk Italian guy, entering uptown NRW station: Uptown and Queens? That’s where all the pussy is!

–23rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Zarek

Middle-aged black woman on phone: I can see all Queens from up in here, nigga. Aw, damn, I can see that Rhode Island shit now.

–Roosevelt Island Tram

Overheard by: Jack Fleming

20-Something hipster girl on cell: Why do you have to get off the phone? You’re eating? Again? You big fat ass… God, I hate Queens.

–Queens Bridge

Overheard by: SL

Conductor over loudspeaker: You are now on the N train running to Queens… Unlike yesterday when I was in Queens running the train on all of youse. Enjoy.

–N Train

Overheard by: Kevin

Voice from dressing room stall: I am at a Sears in Queens. S. O. S.

–Sears, Rego Park, Queens

Overheard by: Ladle

Yo, It’s Wednesday One-Liners, You Know What I’m Sayin’?

Beefy Italian guy on cell: He’s got an equal opportunity to go fuck himself!

–3rd St & Ave A

Overheard by: Liz A.

Italian chick: My brother got so many velours — he got more velours than the stores!

–Staten Island Ferry

Cranky Italian: No, no, no! That’s my problem with this city! They never give you a full glass of wine!

–Midtown

Italian guy to four friends: No. Fuck you, motherfucker! I used it in a sentence — you define it!

–Spring & Mott

Overheard by: Douglas A. Cheesman II

Italian hardhat: Yo, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I found a girl with a little class, a little self-respect, that she’s not banging me two days after she knows me. I’m sorry if that upsets you.

–75th & Madison

Overheard by: Anne

Italian mobster, after turning down wrong aisle: Oh, sugar!

–Duane Reade, Fulton St

Overheard by: tj

Rabbi: No, that’s Totally Cool

Italian dude #1: No, it’s called Shalom in the Home. They send this Jewish guy in to tell you right from wrong.
Italian dude #2: They send some Jewish guy into your house?
Italian dude #1: Yeah, they send a Jewish guy in to, like, tell you if you’re doing something wrong.
Italian dude #2: So if you’re smokin’ crack, he’s all, ‘Don’t do that!’?

–Cooper & 67th, Glendale

Overheard by: Kimberlee