Archive for the ‘Italians’ Category

Three Blind Wednesday One-Liners

Homeless man, watching cute little mouse: That mouse is aggressive! It'll attack you if provoked. –Central Park Concerned Long Island tween, pointing at a rat in the tracks: Oh my god, how did a squirrel get in here? Seriously, we should help it. –W 4th St Station Father to daughters, with head cocked up listening to dark void in the platform: Hear that, girls? The rats are playing. –96th & Broadway Subway Platform Overheard by: sueinthecity Random blond chick: I don't wanna be the fricking mouse. –Asian Restaurant, Chinatown Dude: I was raised with rodents. –Hunter College Eight-year-old Italian kid to another: Hey, you know that bracelet you got at the feast? The next day I saw a mouse with it around his neck, swear to god! –Lorimer & Maujer, Williamsburg Overheard by: Natalya Petrovna

Pour Some Wednesday One-Liners on Me

Fireman on loudspeaker, as he drives by Magnolia Bakery in fire truck: It's just a cupcake! –11th & Bleecker Overheard by: Chris Disappointed 20-something girl to girlfriends: Yeah, but they don't have chocolate covered penises there. –Bleecker St Overheard by: Brookelyn Large Italian guy: What happened to my tiramisu? That's what I want to know! –LIRR to Penn Station Girl covered in pink frosting on cell: There's frosting all over me! –170th & Broadway Overheard by: Poogins Hipster guy on cell: Yeah, so the food was like chocolate and chorizo…mother fucking chocolate and chorizo… No, it was good… You should try it… Why not? Fuck veganism! Some website… Myjambi. M-y-j-a-m-b-i. Why chocolate? How should I know? It's for the website. Yes, the website! I don't know why the dog was there. –28th & Park Old woman to overweight woman: You look like you would know the answer to this… Where is a cupcake bakery around here? –53rd & 3rd

Let’s Talk About Wednesday One-Liner, Baby

Serious tween girl: I wanna get my braces off. I’ll be able to chew gum and be sexually active. –1 Train Old Italian man to young, really drunk Asian date outside of a restaurant: So, you wanna eat or you wanna fuck? –17th & 7th 20-something girl on cell: So we get done and he’s like: "That was amazing. I don’t even want to know where you learned to do that." Is that a rhetorical question? Seriously, am I supposed to answer that? –LIRR Girl to friend: But I didn’t mean to have sex with him! –Washington Square Park Hot bald guy: I would have thought hurried bathroom-floor sex to have little ambiguity. –Columbia University Overheard by: McFreaky Woman to mailman: I never reported my mailman, and I was banging him! –68th St b/w Lexington & Park Avenue

Wednesday One-Liners Are for Keeping Airports in

Girl to friends, while walking past bar: Oh, this is the place I got drunk at, then woke up in Queens. –40th & 7th Overheard by: Jesse Drunk Italian guy, entering uptown NRW station: Uptown and Queens? That’s where all the pussy is! –23rd & Broadway Overheard by: Zarek Middle-aged black woman on phone: I can see all Queens from up in here, nigga. Aw, damn, I can see that Rhode Island shit now. –Roosevelt Island Tram Overheard by: Jack Fleming 20-Something hipster girl on cell: Why do you have to get off the phone? You’re eating? Again? You big fat ass… God, I hate Queens. –Queens Bridge Overheard by: SL Conductor over loudspeaker: You are now on the N train running to Queens… Unlike yesterday when I was in Queens running the train on all of youse. Enjoy. –N Train Overheard by: Kevin Voice from dressing room stall: I am at a Sears in Queens. S. O. S. –Sears, Rego Park, Queens Overheard by: Ladle

Yo, It’s Wednesday One-Liners, You Know What I’m Sayin’?

Beefy Italian guy on cell: He’s got an equal opportunity to go fuck himself! –3rd St & Ave A Overheard by: Liz A. Italian chick: My brother got so many velours — he got more velours than the stores! –Staten Island Ferry Cranky Italian: No, no, no! That’s my problem with this city! They never give you a full glass of wine! –Midtown Italian guy to four friends: No. Fuck you, motherfucker! I used it in a sentence — you define it! –Spring & Mott Overheard by: Douglas A. Cheesman II Italian hardhat: Yo, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I found a girl with a little class, a little self-respect, that she’s not banging me two days after she knows me. I’m sorry if that upsets you. –75th & Madison Overheard by: Anne Italian mobster, after turning down wrong aisle: Oh, sugar! –Duane Reade, Fulton St Overheard by: tj

Rabbi: No, that’s Totally Cool

Italian dude #1: No, it’s called Shalom in the Home. They send this Jewish guy in to tell you right from wrong.
Italian dude #2: They send some Jewish guy into your house?
Italian dude #1: Yeah, they send a Jewish guy in to, like, tell you if you’re doing something wrong.
Italian dude #2: So if you’re smokin’ crack, he’s all, ‘Don’t do that!’? –Cooper & 67th, Glendale Overheard by: Kimberlee