Archive for the ‘JAPs’ Category

Enough to Be Greedy, but Not Enough to Feel Guilty about It

Chick #1: Sometimes I wonder if my Jewishness has more to do with living in New York.
Chick #2: I totally know what you mean. Like, how Jewish would we be in California? –7th St, between 1st & Ave A Headline by: Kevin Runners-Up:
· “Fantastic Goyage” – j3rry
· “I Think More Than Madonna, Less Than Jesus” – alex gherardi
· “Like, Do These Tefillin, Like, Make My Wig Look Fat?” – Herbie McHebrew
· “Putting the El-Al in LA” – kerm
· “We Still Wouldn’t Swallow, but We’d Spit Cooler” – RaindanceRichard
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Wednesday One-liners, American Idols

Tourist: Oh my god! That’s Maggie Gyllenhaal. She’s like, actually walking down the street! –Magnolia Bakery Overheard by: Jessica Blackshear JAP: Do not mention that freaking African queen and her recycled husband! –The Prime Grill, 49th Street Twentysomething woman on cell: I’m gonna be late because I had to walk Drew Barrymore’s dog. –in front of American Apparel, 7th Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Speed Dating” Requires Meth

Jewish girl: She signs up for JDate, goes out to dinner, and is engaged in four months. I sign up for JDate, and I go out to dinner with a duck. What the hell! –Astoria Suit on cell: That's what you get when you start dating at age 18 while volunteering in a Croatian refugee camp. –M66 Bus Female 30-something suit: Why would you think I don't have taste in men just because I'd do a guy with a hook, or a guy in a wheelchair? –31st & Crescent, Astoria Loud woman on cell: It's called "communication," Larry! Communication! You are such an idiot! –3rd Ave b/w 40th & 41st Overheard by: Tom College guy to friend: I don't understand it, man. Every time I go out with this girl, like her vagina is showing. –8th St & University Man on cell: 26 years? Damn! After 26 days, I'd be all like, "bitch, I love you and all, but the next word that comes outta yo mouth, I'm gonna have to bash yo head in with a frying pan. I'm sicka hearin' the sound of yo voice!" No, of course I don' mean that, baby. –JFK Airport Overheard by: Riot

How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?

NYU JAP on phone to mother (enraged): Ugh, mom! No! Wearing seasonally inappropriate outerwear will not make me sweat and lose weight! –NYU Silver Center Overheard by: Maeve Woman in line with friend at Duane Reade, reading can of energy drink: Wait. There's carbs in here? Like bread carbs? Carbs are bread, right? Cause when people go on, like, a low carb diet, they don't eat any bread, right? But I still don't understand why there's bread in here. Whatever. It doesn't even taste like bread. –Duane Reade 10-year-old kid to friend: So you're a year older than me, but you're 20 pounds lighter? That's fucked up. –Christopher St & Waverly Place Overheard by: sharknife Girl: You know how some people are social drinkers? I'm a social eater. –NYU Overheard by: ninja z Asian fashionista: Yeah, I think I'm like a size 12 in boys. –Conde Nast Building Overheard by: jackattack Loud guy on cell: Actually, I can't be bulimic anymore because I have no gag reflex. I've been sucking too much cock. –34th & 7th Ave Overheard by: Alis