Archive for the ‘JAPs’ Category

Here's Dr. Seuss to Explain

JAP: So, they're opening this new pop-up shop in SoHo…
Asian friend: Why is it when white people open a temporary store it's called a “pop-up shop,” but when any other race does, it's called a “bazaar?”

–Q15 Bus

Interestingly, This Is Exactly How Christianity Works

JAP: Oh my god, I totally have to go to my cousin's birthday in a week. Like she is such a bitch!
Follower: I hate her because you hate her.
JAP: What? I don't hate her, she is just a little bitch.
Follower: Like, what's the difference?
JAP, walking away: The difference is you are no longer my friend and luckily you are sooo replaceable.
Follower, running behind: I'm sooo sorry! Please don't do this!

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Wednesday One-Liners! They're Just Like Us!

Creepy dad, cheerfully, to seven-year-old daughter: There's only one Lindsay Lohan!

–Downtown 1 train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Jewish girl to friend: You know how ever since I got my shnoz done people tell me I look like Amy Winehouse?

–116th St & Broadway

Crazy black guy on bus, to no one in particular: Derek Jeter looks just like Robert Deniro, man… Just like him!

–N6 Bus

Overheard by: looks like paris hilton?

Larger reporter: I'm not going to save clothes that fit me before I gained weight in case I lose it. If I lose weight, I'm going to buy some new damn clothes. I don't want to wear stuff from 1987. I'll look stupid, I'll look like Mischa Barton.

–Midtown Office

Overheard by: you wont be mischa's size

Hipster girl to friend: I mean, I really like him… But he thinks River Phoenix is a place.

–East Village

“I'm a Wednesday One-Liners, I'm a Lover, I'm a Child, I'm a Mother…”

Young mother to toddler son, about creepy man on train: Don't be like him when you grow up. Guys like him don't get a lotta bitches."

–4 Train

Overheard by: Mollie Reznick

JAP to companion: Gosh, I hate her. She's such a bitch. No, we haven't met before. I don't want to meet her; she's a bitch.

–L Train

Overheard by: high school was so two years ago

Woman leaving voicemail: Don't worry about the page 6 thing. It'll blow over, then we'll bury that bitch!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: David G

Gangsta: So then I had my wedding ring melted down and put in my mouth. So every time that bitch saw me smile, she saw my ring.

–A Train

Overheard by: jm

LIRR commuter: And look, I love my daughter to death, but that girl is a *bitch*!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Andy

But I Was Going to Take You to a Comedy Show!

Comedy guy promoter to young JAP: Comedy show! Comedy show! Hey, do you like comedy?
Young JAP: Um… no.
Comedy guy: Come on, they're funny… just come!
Young JAP: Umm… no.
Comedy guy: Fine, don't come. But do you like tall skinny white men? Wanna go on a date?
Young JAP: Again: umm… no.

–14th St & Broadway

Headline by: Kelly Combs

Runners-Up:
· “Feigned Hesitation Is the Cruelest Of the Sarcastic Arts” – Aaron
· “How About Puppies? Everyone Likes Puppies!” – CJ
· “JAP Has No Sense Of Humor, Film at 11″ – samson
· “She Actually Just Has a Rare Form Of Tourettes…” – Molly
· “What About Money?! I Bet You Like That!” – Zak Santucci


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

For Shezzle?

Jappy yeshiva girl #1: So I really wanted those boots, but I couldn't find them online for less than $190, but then I found them for $110, so I just bought them and told my nana to just take $100 out of my allowance. But she was like, “no, it's okay.”
Jappy yeshiva girl #2: That's so nice.
Jappy yeshiva girl #1: I know, and I was like, “but nana, you said the market was really bad right now!”
Jappy yeshiva girl #2: What does your nana do?
Jappy yeshiva girl #1: She embezzles.

–Starbucks, 29th & Park Ave

Overheard by: little barista in the big city