Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘JAPs’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Speed Dating” Requires Meth

Jewish girl: She signs up for JDate, goes out to dinner, and is engaged in four months. I sign up for JDate, and I go out to dinner with a duck. What the hell!

–Astoria

Suit on cell: That's what you get when you start dating at age 18 while volunteering in a Croatian refugee camp.

–M66 Bus

Female 30-something suit: Why would you think I don't have taste in men just because I'd do a guy with a hook, or a guy in a wheelchair?

–31st & Crescent, Astoria

Loud woman on cell: It's called "communication," Larry! Communication! You are such an idiot!

–3rd Ave b/w 40th & 41st

Overheard by: Tom

College guy to friend: I don't understand it, man. Every time I go out with this girl, like her vagina is showing.

–8th St & University

Man on cell: 26 years? Damn! After 26 days, I'd be all like, "bitch, I love you and all, but the next word that comes outta yo mouth, I'm gonna have to bash yo head in with a frying pan. I'm sicka hearin' the sound of yo voice!" No, of course I don' mean that, baby.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Riot

Wednesday One-Liner's Last Dance with Mary Jane

Professor: We will talk about the JDC–the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee. And no, they were not dispensing marijuana.

–Queens College

Overheard by: ShaniP

Trashy JAP on cell: So I told her I was selling, and that bitch was like, "Katrina, for how much?" And I was like "Oh my god, mom, it doesn't matter how much the weed is going for, all that matters is the quality!"

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: penelope

Random stranger to teens: You want to buy some weed? Just come back to my mom's house!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Rhian

College student on cell: Mom, you've got to stop smoking so much weed. I mean, fuck!

–Time Square

Random dude on street: I got it all! Liquor, alcohol, marijuana, Chips Ahoy! I got it!

–44th & Broadway

Overheard by: Lagster

Street vendor: Prada bags, Louis Vuitton bags, Gucci bags, marijuana bags… (everyone looks over at him) Hey, I gotta make money somehow.

–Times Square

Overheard by: mary jane

Stacey Got the Short End Of the Stick When It Came to Fairy Godmothers

Old lady, tapping girl on the back: Girl! Get off the curb!
Preppy JAP: Uh, excuse me?
Old lady: Do you live in New York?
Preppy JAP: Um…yeah?
Old lady: Then get off the curb, and get off your fucking cell phone!

–1 Ave & E 84th St

So You're Saying He Jokes Around a Lot But Just Isn't Funny

JAP #1: So my father won't let me work for him, I don't understand why. But he is eventually handing over the company to my cousin, the clown.
JAP #2: What do you mean, like he jokes around a lot?
JAP #1: No, he is a real clown.

–88th St & 1st St

Overheard by: well it's still probably better than you…..

I Heard If You Drink Like Ten Slim-Fasts You Disappear

20-something JAP #1: I've been walking a lot lately. Can you, like, lose calories from walking?
20-something JAP #2 (drinking bottle of Fiji water): Um, I dunno. That's a good question. But, like, water is negative calories.

–63rd & 1st

Overheard by: RRJr.

The Mailman?

JAP #1: Oh my gosh. Have you seen her lately?
JAP #2: No… Why?
JAP #1: She got fat!
JAP #2: Oh my god, but she moved to Westchester.
JAP #1: I know. I mean, what else is there to do there?

–Houston & Bowery

Overheard by: jappygirl#3

Coming Soon to Reality TV: Homicide or Furry Ride?

JAP #1: Oh my god, did you hear about what Aaron wrote on Brittany's Facebook wall?
JAP #2: Oh my god, yeah, that's like, disgusting. Like, she looks like a fucking koala.
JAP #1: Totally. Like, who wants to date a tree climbing marsupial?
JAP #2: Fuck no! I'd rather kill my brother!

–Saks Fifth Avenue