Archive for the ‘JAPs’ Category

“I'm a Wednesday One-Liners, I'm a Lover, I'm a Child, I'm a Mother…”

Young mother to toddler son, about creepy man on train: Don't be like him when you grow up. Guys like him don't get a lotta bitches." –4 Train Overheard by: Mollie Reznick JAP to companion: Gosh, I hate her. She's such a bitch. No, we haven't met before. I don't want to meet her; she's a bitch. –L Train Overheard by: high school was so two years ago Woman leaving voicemail: Don't worry about the page 6 thing. It'll blow over, then we'll bury that bitch! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: David G Gangsta: So then I had my wedding ring melted down and put in my mouth. So every time that bitch saw me smile, she saw my ring. –A Train Overheard by: jm LIRR commuter: And look, I love my daughter to death, but that girl is a *bitch*! –Penn Station Overheard by: Andy

But I Was Going to Take You to a Comedy Show!

Comedy guy promoter to young JAP: Comedy show! Comedy show! Hey, do you like comedy?
Young JAP: Um… no.
Comedy guy: Come on, they're funny… just come!
Young JAP: Umm… no.
Comedy guy: Fine, don't come. But do you like tall skinny white men? Wanna go on a date?
Young JAP: Again: umm… no. –14th St & Broadway Headline by: Kelly Combs Runners-Up:
· “Feigned Hesitation Is the Cruelest Of the Sarcastic Arts” – Aaron
· “How About Puppies? Everyone Likes Puppies!” – CJ
· “JAP Has No Sense Of Humor, Film at 11” – samson
· “She Actually Just Has a Rare Form Of Tourettes…” – Molly
· “What About Money?! I Bet You Like That!” – Zak Santucci
Click here to see the new Headline Contest

For Shezzle?

Jappy yeshiva girl #1: So I really wanted those boots, but I couldn't find them online for less than $190, but then I found them for $110, so I just bought them and told my nana to just take $100 out of my allowance. But she was like, “no, it's okay.”
Jappy yeshiva girl #2: That's so nice.
Jappy yeshiva girl #1: I know, and I was like, “but nana, you said the market was really bad right now!”
Jappy yeshiva girl #2: What does your nana do?
Jappy yeshiva girl #1: She embezzles. –Starbucks, 29th & Park Ave Overheard by: little barista in the big city

Who Needs Performance Art When You Have Hobos?

Hobo sitting on bench: Hey man, wanna buy some soap?
Yuppie: Nah… (walks away)
Hobo: Ma'am, would you care for some shoes?
JAP: Hell, naw. (walks away)
Hobo: Hey fella, want to buy some peanut butter?
Old Asian guy, happily: Yes, please!
Hobo: I'm sorry, brother, I don't have any on me. I just wanted to do some product research for a project I'm doing. (pulls out a roll of toilet paper and a sharpie, rips out one square of toilet paper, and writes “peanut butter”) –23rd St