Guy: OK, everyone who’s wearing the same clothes today as they did last night, raise their hands! –5th Ave.
Archive for the ‘Jesus’ Category
Happy Birthday, Mithras!
Red State Girl: Is that a hammer in your bag?
Dealer: Yeah. It’s a metaphor. ‘Cause Jesus was a carpenter, see. And I walk with Jesus.
Red State Girl: Oh.
–29th Street & 7th Ave.
Overheard by: M. Martin
What would Jesus do?
Asian yuppie: Now I don’t have to be possessive anymore. Instead, I rely on Jesus. –Grand Cafe, Williamsburg
Saviors: Gotta Catch 'em All!
Teen boy #1: You should be a Pokemon for Halloween.
Teen boy #2: Like Jesus?
–Chambers St.
It Rubs the Wednesday on Its Skin, or Else It Gets the One-Liners Again
Woman on cell: You did what? No. No, the key is with the handcuffs.
–Barnes & Noble, Union Square
Overheard by: argonaut
Neighbor heard through thin dorm wall: Yeahhhhh, I'm a bad boy. You wanna spank me?
–Pratt Institute
NYU girl to friend: I think Jesus wore latex.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Mimi
Hippie woman on cell: Okay, why don't you just untie each other and come on down so we can talk about this?
–50th St & Park Ave
See, Now You're Making Sense.
Loud 20-something man: Jesus! Hallelujah! Praise the lawwwddd!
Friend: Will you please be quiet?
Loud 20-something man: Hallelujah! Let's get some vegetarian curry!
–E Houston & Ave A
Catholic Schoolgirls Certainly Are
Girl #1: I used to wear a cross, but then one time somebody was like, “you cant wear a cross–you drink!
Girl #2: Did you tell them that Jesus drank?
Girl #1: I should have! Jesus was so down to party!
Girl #2: Bitch, if you turn water into wine, you are the party.
–Fordham University
I Hear Christ's Gotten a Lot Of Work Done.
Man preaching on subway: And even Michael Jackson has to answer to Jesus Christ himself.
Rush hour passenger: He'd never recognize him.
–F Train
Overheard by: Thom Cohen
Your Editors Had to Look This One Up.
Religious promoter: Jesus is the eternal savior! Only He can save you from the doom that you see in the movies that destroy New York!
Passerby: May I ask where you're from?
Religious promoter: Um… Union City.
Passerby: Go the fuck home!
–Times Square
Only in New York
Son, looking at sculpture of Mary with Jesus in lap: Who's that?
Mother: Christ.
Son: Who's Christ?
Mother, shouting: Jesus Christ!
–The Cloisters
Overheard by: sope