Demonstrator on microphone: I used to hate homosexuals, I used to be the one who beat up homosexuals. Now that I found Jesus I love homosexuals!
Man next to him, on megaphone: Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. I have a megaphone!
–Union Square
Archive for the ‘Jesus’ Category
Jesus Only Healed the Willing
Established-looking black man: You think I'm ghetto? Girl, I can be ghetto if that's what'chu think I am.
Semi-attractive black female: (whispers something unintelligible that sounds like an insult)
Established-looking black man: Girl,if I was Jesus Christ you still be picking off imperfections on me.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Dominique
Has the Westboro Baptist Church Heard This News?
Mother of 8-year-old: I don't mind that my son is so into zombies, Jesus was a zombie technically. After all, it's a healthy way for him to find our religion.
Mother of 10-year-old: I never thought about it that way. (to son) Joseph, do you like zombies?
–1 Train
Overheard by: sarah-Jaana Nodell
Wedneslutsday One-Liners
30-something woman on phone: Ma! Jesus, ma. I totally agree with you. (pause) Yeah, he told me to come over when the house was done. (pause) Yeah, fixed up. Jesus, ma. (groan) Yes. No! I'm not a slut. Ma!
–Jackson Heights
Overheard by: maria
Teen girl to friend: I was living with my grandmother and my girlfriend was studying social work, I was sleeping with men at this time–but I wasn't a slut or anything.
–Westside Tavern, 23rd & 8th
Girl on cell: How many guys did I sleep with? Thirty, forty?
–Pearl St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: CAC Baby from The Glebe
Father on phone with daughter: I didn't raise you to be a fucking whore. If I wanted you to be a whore you think I would've paid for your goddamn degree?
–Washington Square Park
High school freshman to friend: My Spanish teacher called me a slut!
–61st St & Amsterdam Ave
They're Not Bullshit
Hot female student #1: I'm sending out goooood vibes for my calc exam.
Hot female student #2: Dude, the universe totally doesn't care about your calc exam.
Hot female student #1: What?
Hot female student #2: It cares about kittens! The universe cares about kittens! Jesus!
–Bedford Ave & Campus Ave
…to Satan.
Spunky but pretty black girl: Jesus, I told you. I am married to Jesus.
Crazy Asian man, suddenly noticing a pretty white girl: What about her?
Spunky but pretty black girl: You leave her alone. She's married too.
–4 Train
Crazy Hobo Says What We're All Thinking
Street preacher: You need the blood! The blood of Jesus!
Crazy hobo: You need a good butt fucking! Right in the mouth!
–Union Square
On the Third Day, It Rises
Born again Christian missionary: Do accept Jesus Christ as your personal savior?
Power-suited woman: Do you accept my clitoris as yours?
–F Train
Overheard by: Formfaktor
You Have to Admire His Consistency
Crazy guy: The Islamic Antichrist is coming! The Islamic Antichrist is coming! (passes sheet to young guy next to him)
Young guy, reviewing it: Jesus, this guy hates everybody!
–4 Train
Overheard by: Jack Ingoldsby
Oh Jeez, Get Ready for a Rant About the Jews
Old black man: Do you believe in black Jesus or white Jesus?
White girl: White Jesus.
Old black man: I knew there was something wrong with you the minute I saw you.
–2 Train