Archive for the ‘Jesus’ Category

Infernal Wednesday One-Liners

Protestant street preacher with mic: You’re going down the Broadway to Hell.

–42nd & 8th

Subway preacher: When you buy a tree and put that in your house, and when you put all the presents under the tree, that’s all for Satan, not for Jesus. One day I was thinking about how the name Santa looks familiar, and I’m thinking to myself, Goddammit… No, wait, sorry. I’m thinking to myself, Santa… No, that’s Satan. You see? They kept the S but they just changed all the rest of the letters around.

–Brooklyn-bound C train

Overheard by: P. Mills

Suit on cell: The only thing is, she’s so innocent. I need someone to curse at me and spit in my face. I need some rough, yelling-at-each-other sex. I’m like Satan and she’s the Virgin Mary.

–Metro-North train, Grand Central

Hardhat: I don’t know if I’m going to heaven; I don’t know if I’m going to hell… All I know is I have to change at Jamaica.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Rob

Yuppie woman talking to herself: The devil is a liar — a fucking liar!

–Outside Lincoln Plaza Theatre

Overheard by: SLC kid

Teacher: I’m going to burn in Hell for this… Wait! I’m Jewish! I don’t believe in Hell! I’m not going to burn! Yay!

–Hunter College High

Whatever It Takes

Religious lady: Here’s a flyer to educate you about Jesus.
Teen guy: I’m agnostic.
Religious lady: That’s the wrong religion.
Teen guy: It’s not a religion.
Religious lady: Accept Jesus Christ and be saved!
Teen guy: Fuck Jesus.
Religious lady: What?!
Teen guy: Fuck Jesus.
Religious lady: You shouldn’t say that — Jesus will forgive you.
Teen guy: You’re ugly. Now leave me alone.

–Delancey St

Overheard by: Used to this shit

First Person to Say Something Coherent Loses

Man: All I’m saying is that if Jesus was beautiful on the inside, he was beautiful on the outside, so I know he had ladies looking at him.
Bimbette #1: Well, I know everything began in Africa.
Bimbette #2: That’s right. You know they have the indentation in Africa where the devil landed? They built a church over it to try to make it holy. I saw it on The Exorcist.

–4 train