Smoking cook, watching busty girl carrying shopping bags: Jesus…
Busty: I'm not Jesus, I'm the wardrobe lady! And my boobs are real!
–12th & 6th
Overheard by: that guy
Archive for the ‘Jesus’ Category
That Diva's Been in the Dressing Room for Two Hours
Dude in white SUV to girl in inexplicably long line outside Macy's: What are you waiting for?
Girl in line: Jesus!
–34th St
Overheard by: Emz0r
Even Though They Inhabit Different Fictional Universes?
Ditz #1: So yeah, I think Jesus was totally a mongoose soul.
Ditz #2: Totally. And Harry Potter, too.
(they nod together)
–F Train
Overheard by: Numbat
The Best I Can Do Is a Parable
Girl #1: Oh my god, I have such a long outline to do. Save me.
Girl #2: I wish I could, but I'm Jesus.
–59st St & Lexington Ave
Overheard by: yana
Wednesday Go-Down-On-Liners
Wholesome-looking man, walking with several families with kids and carrying a cross: Jesus Christ died for our sins today so that we can all give blowjobs whenever we want!
–Union Square
Girl with food: Do you think I'll get on the JumboTron if I deep throat this pickle?
–MSG: Rangers – Caps Playoff Game
40-something, during high school reunion: How dare you tell my husband I gave you a blowjob? I was a virgin in high school!
–Outside Jake's Dillemma
Women on cell: I told him, if he didn't start shampooing his pubes I would stop blowing him!
–14th St & 9th Ave
Middle-aged Romanian: I heard he gives better BJs than Santa Claus!
–Astoria
Overheard by: Crazy Romanians
Probably Because “Indian Giver” Is a Tad Offensive
Partygoer #1: See, 'cause god gave us Jesus… but then he took him back!
Partygoer #2: God's a big Indian giver.
Partygoer #1: That's the real message of the season. But let's see parents teaching that to their kids!
–107th St & Broadway
Looks Like a Couple Of Little Resurrections in My Shirt
College chick #1: Jesus!
College chick #2: What about Jesus?
College chick #1: Jesus, nipples on ice!
–Barnard College
Overheard by: Vicksburg
The Nice Jewish Girl Who Started All the Trouble
NYU girl #1: You guys, I had a dream that I was pregnant.
NYU girl #2: So did Mary.
–NYU Dorm
Overheard by: Carmen Quinonez
God's Chosen Wednesday One-Liners
Woman to friend: Look, I just don't want to be born again, okay? I saw how you attacked that Jewish woman in the airport.
–Broadway & 10th St
Overheard by: Stephanie
Patron: Jews for Jesus are just reformed black panthers.
–Turkish Kitchen, 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Pola
Student who has just drawn a stereotypical Jew to another who has drawn Jesus on the cross: Wait–wait, Jesus was Jewish?
–Bronx High School Of Science, Judaic Cultural Society
Girl at birthday supper: I get all Jewish and entitled when anyone tries to tell me "no!"
–8th Ave & 43rd St
Overheard by: Lankyguy
Jock to another: And then he like tried to fuck me. I guess that's what I get for spending the night at a dude's house. I mean he was Jewish and all, so he was really nice but still…
–23rd St & Lexington
Wednesday One-Liners Would Like to Thank the Academy
Girl to a friend: I was piss drunk when I saw The Passion Of The Christ.
–Chelsea
Skateboarding juvenile delinquent to crew: We are totally like the movie Kids, all that's left is for me to get Aids.
–Mott & Prince
Overheard by: Dirty needle or gay sex, your choice
Suit to another: The soundtrack to Big Top Pee-wee was amazing.
–St. Mark's Place
Seven-year-old Asian boy to mother, during the movie Up: He loved and he lost…
–Regal Union Square Theater
Crazy 30-something man: Excuse me! You probably think I'm looking for money. I'm not. But I'm looking for a companion! A girl, aged 18 to 25, and she must have a DVD player, so we can watch movies!
–1 Train
Overheard by: nella