Archive for the ‘Jewish Moms’ Category

Wednesday Doesn't Eat Enough to Keep a One-Liner Alive

Skinny professor: John* [a chubby professor] and I started Weight Watchers together at the same time! –Hostos Faculty Dining Room Overheard by: glad she's leaving Skinny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy-based, non-dairy substitute for heavy cream? –Whole Foods, Union Square Overheard by: office peon loves Thanksgiving food Girl ordering Coffee Coolatta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorexic. Everything tasted good back then… –Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge Overheard by: allison Jewish grandmotherly type: Women with anorexia seem to have such strange eating habits. –Upper West Side Anorexic-looking girl: I want a tic tac. I'm hungry. –95th & 2nd

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Sing in Hebrew, Sweetie.

Loud Jewish grandmother: Nobody ever wants to come here to celebrate the holidays.
Louder Jewish son: What are you talking about, ma? We're all here!
(family sits in silence around table)
11-year-old granddaughter, softly singing: When you wish upon a star… Makes no difference who you are. –Queens Overheard by: S

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Wednesday One-Liner Is Murder

Black man: I can never watch you eat sausage again. It was the most awkwardly erotic thing I've ever seen. It was the perfect combination of food and female. –Pratt Coffee Shop, Brooklyn Overheard by: Maryrose Boy to friend: And then the teacher said: "and that's the history of ham"! –Queens Overheard by: alex Young woman on cell: Well, I would go to Gray's for hot dogs with you, but I can't. I gave up tubed meat for lent. –Washington Square Park Overheard by: Caroline Cute teen girl: It'd be like a floppy bag of meat… (pause) I'm not talking about dick! –Starbucks Woman placing drive-thru order: And two junior bacon cheeseburgers. Actually, I don't want the bacon. I don't want to get the swine flu. –Wendy's Drivethru, Brooklyn Overheard by: Oh the Pig-manity! Upset Orthodox Jew mother to baby in stroller: Bacon!? Who told you about bacon!? –West End & West 100th St

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