Archive for the ‘Jews’ Category

Dating in NYC: A Short Story

Asian chick #1: The thing is, he’s a Jewish guy? And like, ya know, a lot of Jewish guys are in to Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah?
Asian chick #1: Yeah. I think it’s like because, like, both cultures are so, like, into family? Like Jews are really into family and Asians are really into family?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.
Asian chick #1: But also? I think he kind of has an Asian fetish?
Asian chick #2: I hate that.
Asian chick #1: Yeah. He’s like…ya know. A nerdy Jewish guy who likes to date Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.
Asian chick #1: Yeah, but he’s really cute in that way that he’s nerdy but he loves Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah. –N/R 8th street station

Holy Moses, It’s Wednesday One-Liners!

Professor: So, when we last left the Jews they were suffering. But, then, we can take that for granted.

–Stern Building, NYU

Overheard by: Jayso

Woman to queer: … All the Jews I’ve ever seen have had the most marvelous penises.

–E 4th St & 2nd Ave

Drunk girl looking at Jewish frat boy: Wearing a kippah is like wearing a cage around your penis.

–Frat party, Columbia

Overheard by: I never go to frats bc…..

Long Island girl: Wait… What is Friday Night Lights? Is that a movie about Shabbat?!

–LIRR

Uh-Oh

Rabbi: So, what was the best part of your week?
College Jew: Hmmm… I guess reading for three hours in the library.
Rabbi: Oh? What did you read about?
College Jew: Hitler.

–NYU Hillel

Overheard by: YJD

Obviously Reformed

A Gentile Yuppie: I once dated a Rabbi’s daughter, in the Hamptons. I went to a family barbeque, and he asked me, ‘Do you want cheese on your hamburger?’ and I thought, ‘Ah–this is a moment of truth–one of those key moments in a relationship, where the family will judge me–what should I say?’ and I said, ‘Yes, I would’–and then the Rabbi responded, ‘Great! Then Cheese for Everybody!'” — Bar Tabac, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn

Like my sister.

Man: I am concerned about breeding.
Friend: Breeding?!
Man: Yeah, you know — Jews are pretty inbred. I’m probably going to have kids with three fingers or something. I should have married someone into running — big and athletic.

–Central Park Reservoir

Headline by: Brooklyn Twang

Runners-Up:
· “But Jews Do Run. They Run Everything.” – Rottin’ in Denmark
· “Instead Of That Gimp Cousin Of Mine” – Uberjim
· “The E in EHarmony Stands for Eugenics” – quazarfreez
· “The Final Solution 2.0″ – Scott Gresham
· “They’re Called Germans: But They May Not Be So Into That…” – Caitorade
· “You Know, Someone Who Could Win a “Master Race”” – Mike T


Click here to see the new Headline Contest