Archive for the ‘Jews’ Category

Nice Wednesday One-Liners Finish Last

30-something woman on cell: And then he says to me "you have a very nice placenta!"

–85th & 3rd

Overheard by: Whitney Simmons

Shoe shine guy to woman walking by: Nice boots! Nice hat! You sure got a lot of nice things, lady!

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: CreateEvity

NYU girl on cell: Ew! Emma? I can't believe a guy is interested in Emma! I know she's nice, but that's just gross. I really just cannot believe anyone could possibly be attracted to her! She's so ugly!

–Washington Square Park

Enthusiastic Jewish lady in jury room: He's very nice! He's very nice! He's going to be a *happy* archbishop!

–Centre St

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Three-year-old girl: Don't be sassy, mommy, daddy's being nice.

–Front St.

Overheard by: Aviva

Older black man to circle of friends: I'll bend her over a bench and stick it into her! You know–I'm a nice guy.

–Flatbush & Lincoln

Wednesday One-Liners Are Older, but No Wiser

Crotchety old Jewish lady, passing Palm Sunday parade: Easter is for amateurs.

–W 72nd St & Broadway

Overheard by: Naomi Choy Smith

Little old lady looking down steep basement stairway: Wow…I wouldn't want to be drunk going down those stairs!

–Broome & Essex

Old guy: I'm going out for a smoke. If you see someone take this jacket, shoot to kill.

–Starbucks

Old man with beard, hunched over walker, watching couple holding hands: You two been doin' the nasty, ain't ya?

–27th & Broadway

Old black lady in wheelchair: I mean, what was he gonna do with a dead body?

–Bowery

Overheard by: Lauren

Very old man to another, in thick New York accent: Ya gotta take it…and put it on ya rectum like this. (demonstrates with hand gesture)

–53rd St & 10th Ave

Elderly gentleman to another: From now on, you will obey me!

–Carnegie Hall

A Smorgashboard Of Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to man: I know! I don't fry anything. I don't even fry my food anymore.

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: A very disturbed Newsbunny

Old Jewish woman to husband holding restaurant leftovers: It's a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Israel!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: What a waste!

Preppy guy: At least *I'm* not the one molesting fictional cereal pitchmen.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Girl on cell, talking loudly: I don't know what I want, but whatever I want, I want French fries with it.

–John St

Preppy girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?

–Times Square

Female new student to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole burrito-is-a-dick thing.

–6th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Catie

I Think I've Seen This Seinfeld Episode…

Young Jewish guy #1: You know how you're allowed to make jokes about 9/11 if you're from New York?
Young Jewish guy #2: Yeah, totally. You're definitely allowed to do that.
Young Jewish guy #1: Exactly. It's just like a Jew being able to make a joke about the Holocaust.
Young Jewish guy #2: Of course. It's like a rite of passage or something.

–Pier 3, Brooklyn

Wednesdays Wonder How Much Their One-Liners Would Bring on the Open Market

Serious 40-something man to five-year-old girl: So why do I always have to be the one to buy dinner?

–8th Ave & 44th St

Overheard by: Dean

Mother to toddler: Why you always gotta sing Barney? Always Barney! You are so annoying! I'm sick of Barney.

–1 Train

Middle-aged Jewish man to eleven-year-old girl: But I don't think you have to worry about that, Talia, because there are very few Zoroastrians around these days.

–93rd & Broadway

Ghetto father making out with ghetto girl, to two-year-old tugging at his jeans: Nigga, stop cock-blockin me!

–Fordham Road

Overheard by: Laura

Angry mom to eight-year-old son: When I find that brick, you're in big trouble!

–Kane St & Clinton St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Phycobilins

Emphatic mom to child holding her hand: You've gotta hold my hand! I'm forty-six years old and I still hold my mommy's hand! I'm forty-six years old! So you've gotta hold my hand!

–50th & 9th

Overheard by: Christiana Little