Archive for the ‘Jews’ Category

Wednesdays Wonder How Much Their One-Liners Would Bring on the Open Market

Serious 40-something man to five-year-old girl: So why do I always have to be the one to buy dinner? –8th Ave & 44th St Overheard by: Dean Mother to toddler: Why you always gotta sing Barney? Always Barney! You are so annoying! I'm sick of Barney. –1 Train Middle-aged Jewish man to eleven-year-old girl: But I don't think you have to worry about that, Talia, because there are very few Zoroastrians around these days. –93rd & Broadway Ghetto father making out with ghetto girl, to two-year-old tugging at his jeans: Nigga, stop cock-blockin me! –Fordham Road Overheard by: Laura Angry mom to eight-year-old son: When I find that brick, you're in big trouble! –Kane St & Clinton St, Brooklyn Overheard by: Phycobilins Emphatic mom to child holding her hand: You've gotta hold my hand! I'm forty-six years old and I still hold my mommy's hand! I'm forty-six years old! So you've gotta hold my hand! –50th & 9th Overheard by: Christiana Little

It’s Just You, Me, and the Guy with the Pen and Paper

White wife: The rabbi told me that most of the government officials there are currently African American…
White husband: Okay…
White wife: But that he’s going to be running for city council in the next election…
White husband: That’s good…
White wife: He said that lots of Southern towns now have African American city officials…
White husband: I know…
White wife: But that even though the town is majority African American, it has a good chance of coming back.
White husband: Honey?
White wife: Yes?
White husband: It’s just us here. You don’t have to keep saying ‘African American.’ You can say ‘schvartze.’ –Actor’s Temple, W 47th St Overheard by: Big Larry

Dating in NYC: A Short Story

Asian chick #1: The thing is, he’s a Jewish guy? And like, ya know, a lot of Jewish guys are in to Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah?
Asian chick #1: Yeah. I think it’s like because, like, both cultures are so, like, into family? Like Jews are really into family and Asians are really into family?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.
Asian chick #1: But also? I think he kind of has an Asian fetish?
Asian chick #2: I hate that.
Asian chick #1: Yeah. He’s like…ya know. A nerdy Jewish guy who likes to date Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah.
Asian chick #1: Yeah, but he’s really cute in that way that he’s nerdy but he loves Asian girls?
Asian chick #2: Yeah. –N/R 8th street station

Holy Moses, It’s Wednesday One-Liners!

Professor: So, when we last left the Jews they were suffering. But, then, we can take that for granted. –Stern Building, NYU Overheard by: Jayso Woman to queer: … All the Jews I’ve ever seen have had the most marvelous penises. –E 4th St & 2nd Ave Drunk girl looking at Jewish frat boy: Wearing a kippah is like wearing a cage around your penis. –Frat party, Columbia Overheard by: I never go to frats bc….. Long Island girl: Wait… What is Friday Night Lights? Is that a movie about Shabbat?! –LIRR


Rabbi: So, what was the best part of your week?
College Jew: Hmmm… I guess reading for three hours in the library.
Rabbi: Oh? What did you read about?
College Jew: Hitler. –NYU Hillel Overheard by: YJD

Obviously Reformed

A Gentile Yuppie: I once dated a Rabbi’s daughter, in the Hamptons. I went to a family barbeque, and he asked me, ‘Do you want cheese on your hamburger?’ and I thought, ‘Ah–this is a moment of truth–one of those key moments in a relationship, where the family will judge me–what should I say?’ and I said, ‘Yes, I would’–and then the Rabbi responded, ‘Great! Then Cheese for Everybody!'” — Bar Tabac, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn