Archive for the ‘JFK Airport’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Fully Prepared to Dial 911

Female black security guard to male black security guard: So you got two kids that you know of…

–MoMa

Security agent: You are now entering the metal detector area, so those of you with wooden cell phones should feel free to keep those in your pockets.

–JFK

Overheard by: Jason

Security guard to teens blocking entrance: Hmm, just what I need at 9 am, a motherfucking school group.

–Paley's Museum of Radio and Television

Overheard by: scarface

Security guard on cell: Why isn't your hand on your butt?

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Lord Almighty

Library security guard: Welcome to the library, where your wildest dreams come true.

–St. John's University

Wednesday One-Liners Think “Speed Dating” Requires Meth

Jewish girl: She signs up for JDate, goes out to dinner, and is engaged in four months. I sign up for JDate, and I go out to dinner with a duck. What the hell!

–Astoria

Suit on cell: That's what you get when you start dating at age 18 while volunteering in a Croatian refugee camp.

–M66 Bus

Female 30-something suit: Why would you think I don't have taste in men just because I'd do a guy with a hook, or a guy in a wheelchair?

–31st & Crescent, Astoria

Loud woman on cell: It's called "communication," Larry! Communication! You are such an idiot!

–3rd Ave b/w 40th & 41st

Overheard by: Tom

College guy to friend: I don't understand it, man. Every time I go out with this girl, like her vagina is showing.

–8th St & University

Man on cell: 26 years? Damn! After 26 days, I'd be all like, "bitch, I love you and all, but the next word that comes outta yo mouth, I'm gonna have to bash yo head in with a frying pan. I'm sicka hearin' the sound of yo voice!" No, of course I don' mean that, baby.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Riot

Wednesday One-Liners Grow Up Faster in the City

Little girl to woman walking by: Oh, look–another person, sooooo interesting. It's not like we haven't seen enough of those today.

–D'Agnostino's, Greenwich & Barrow

Overheard by: Margo

Boy walking in church to mom: And when we walk in we'll hear Gregorian chants.

–Trinity Church

Four-year-old boy, after plane's smooth landing: Whoa, that was solid!

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: jen

Kid at birthday party: I thought they were feeding us ice cream, not shit!

–McDonald's, Bayside

Adorable child having a temper tantrum: I don't want to walk, I want to go in the stroller!
(mother ignores him) I'm melting… I'm meeelllting!

–New York Transit Museum

Overheard by: NatalyaPetrovna

Wednesday One-Liners: “Is This Thing On?”

PA system: Leia, please meet your party at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your party at the front.

–Bed, Bath & Beyond, 18th & 6th

Overheard by: Rebecca

Announcer over loudspeaker: The time is now one am o'clock!

–Baggage Claim, JFK

Overheard by: Kimmie

Loudspeaker announcement: Attention, all late night shoppers, this is a live announcement. I repeat, this is not a recording! Right now, in our deli department, fully-cooked chickens! Come on over and get your chickens! They're hot! They're fresh! And they were alive this morning!

–Pathmark, Cropsey Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Stacy

Announcement over loudspeaker during class: Hello, I'm sorry for the interruption. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go outside, they're about to tow your truck.

–Stuyvesant High School

Loudspeaker: Good afternoon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean "flag football" will meet in the cafeteria immediately following advisory.

–East Side Community High School

This Way, When It Flushes, He Feels Like He Accomplished Something

Mother to small child in stall (loudly): No, it won't flush. (shouting) It won't flush! It's not like at home. It won't flush unless you touch it. (shouting) It won't flush! Stop! It's not going to flush unless you touch it. (shouting) It won't flush! Don't make me make you go in your pants! It won't flush! They're not the same.

–Women's Bathroom, JFK