Stereotypical jock, loudly: Man, I cant wait till we're back on dry land!
Scottish flight attendant: I can end that wait if you don't lower your voice.
–Flight Departing JFK
Archive for the ‘Jocks’ Category
The Gang War Was Just a Smokescreen
Blond high school Long Island girl: Well, I don't think she's that pretty.
Blond high school jock: You're wrong. That girl is so hot! She's the reason why we have cameras in our school.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: miki
Further Evidence That You Get a Little Something Extra with a Columbia Education
Columbia jock #1: Bro, do they have chocolate milk here?
Columbia jock #2: They have chocolate syrup and milk. You have to do it yourself. DYO.
(5 seconds later) Wait…
–Barnard College Dining Hall
Strictly Speaking, It'd Be Coo-Coo
Jock #1: You know what would be cool?
Jock #2: No, what?
Jock #1: Using chocolate milk in cereal!
Jock #2: Oh man, like with cocoa puffs? Can you imagine how insane that would be?
–Supermarket, Upper West Side
God's Chosen Wednesday One-Liners
Woman to friend: Look, I just don't want to be born again, okay? I saw how you attacked that Jewish woman in the airport.
–Broadway & 10th St
Overheard by: Stephanie
Patron: Jews for Jesus are just reformed black panthers.
–Turkish Kitchen, 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Pola
Student who has just drawn a stereotypical Jew to another who has drawn Jesus on the cross: Wait–wait, Jesus was Jewish?
–Bronx High School Of Science, Judaic Cultural Society
Girl at birthday supper: I get all Jewish and entitled when anyone tries to tell me "no!"
–8th Ave & 43rd St
Overheard by: Lankyguy
Jock to another: And then he like tried to fuck me. I guess that's what I get for spending the night at a dude's house. I mean he was Jewish and all, so he was really nice but still…
–23rd St & Lexington
Wednesday One-Liners Just Do It for the Endorphins
Mystified/amused pot dealer, as two jocks jog past him after sunset: They just runnin'! No cops, no robbers, no cowboys, no Indians, nothing blowin' up. They just runnin'!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: innocent bystander
Dad to three-year-old boy learning to how to swing: Well, maybe if you were in better shape, this would be easy for you. You need to work on your abdominals.
–Rckefeller Park
Overheard by: Maria
White buff guy, during spin class: I need to do some serious laundry, so I only had the one clean towel. If ya can't get one, I can always just give you mine and do my usual air dry jumping jacks for the insane amount of fems they have in the locker room over there. But apparently I have a bad-case-of-gay-face, because they look at me like a fat kid in front of the tasty delight window.
–29th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Lace
Suit to another: I wish I could bench press the sins of the world!
–74th St & Broadway
Girl in short skirt and stilettos: Did we just power-strut too far?
–PATH
Wednesday One-Liners Bring Their B Game
Sketchy guy to hot girl: Hey, baby girl, I like takin' long walks through the projects, sittin' on a park bench eatin' French fries… (she walks away) Hey baby, come back!
–Christopher & 7th
Guy to girl walking down the street: Hey you…I wanna get on your bus.
–125th b/w Park & Lexington
Overheard by: Reilly
Big dude to hot girl: Hey girl, come talk to me for a minute. (she stays still) C'mon girl, chubby thugs need love too.
–Franklin Ave & Eastern Parkway, Brooklyn
Black thug to white girls: I'm Barack Obama's cousin, wanna go on a date? (they pass) That's gonna be my new pickup line, yo.
–33rd St & 6th Ave
Guy, as a curvy woman struts past him: Shake what yo momma gave you…not what yo momma paid for!
–Shuttle Train
Overheard by: Meredith
Seton Hall jock, leering at female in next seat: Wow, this ticket has more holes in it than I've ever seen before!
–NJ Transit
Drunk guy to girl on subway platform, after Yankees game: I'm a classy guy! I will take you to the fucking Radisson!
–Yankee Stadium Subway Platform
…In the Finest Restaurant Bathrooms.
Upstate jock #1: Dude, is there anything to eat in all of Manhattan?
Upstate jock #2: People don't eat anymore. They just do lots of coke.
–Inwood Hill Park
Overheard by: Mojojon
You Get a Little Something Extra with an Ivy League Education
Jock #1: I still want to punt a pigeon one of these days…
Jock #2: Dude! I so got one last week!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: I'd like to see you try
One Pill Makes You Wednesday and One Pill Makes You One-Liners
Young hipster to friend: Remember when we sat there, I was high on Vicodin and we saw that guy take a shit in the fountain?
–Union Square Greenmarket
Rich woman yelling on phone: I don't care about your stupid laws or ethics or whatever. (pause) No, I pay you too much money not to get the goddamn drugs I want. (pause) Just write the fucking prescriptions and send them! What the fuck kind of drug dealing doctor are you?
–Metro North Train
Loud lady on cell on escalator: I'm on all these medications you're not supposed to be on when you're pregnant!
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Visiting Kiran
Jock: Nothing's as bad as being allergic to Viagra, man!
–NYU Bus
Lady of indeterminate age: A craving is just a thought on steroids.
–26th st & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Lucky Gunther
Obese woman to male friend: I need to get some Viagra from my dad.
–17th St & 8th Ave