Archive for the ‘Jocks’ Category

Wednesday One-Loiners

Drunk jock: She left cuz she said she was hungry. Well, I'll put that fuckin' falafel on my dick! –LaGuardia & W 4th Overheard by: Not drunk College guy to no one in particular: She was trying to suck my dick! …so I slapped her with it! –Port Authority Overheard by: Kate V. Woman to man: See, I don't have a dick, I have a pussy, but I told him to suck my dick. –South Park Slope Drunk guy outside subway entrance: Racism can go suck a dick! I don't care who you are, if you're racist, I. Will. Fight. You. –Central Park Entrance Overheard by: HAIR-y Woman to another: I never had to dress up my vagina to get a dick. An old man would have had me pinned against a wall in a second. –Century 21 Store Girl on cell: Yeah, well, you know what his defense was? (pause) Yeah, he tried to tell the judge he couldn't have done it because his dick was too huge. (pause) I know! And it gets better! He wanted to make a plaster of Paris mold of his dick to prove it was too big! (pause) Oh, I'm serious. (pause) Yeah, no…I don't know what he was going to do with the mold of his dick. Maybe he was gonna submit it as Exhibit A or something, and shove it up in her to prove his point. –Penn Station

Wednesday One-Liners Take a Stab at It

Girl on cell: Yeah, so he was kicked out of college. It’s kind of a long story. He like, pulled a knife on George Lucas. –Barnard College Curly-haired chick: If we go, like, cowboy/Indian, you’re supposed to be giving me smallpox blankets and liquor, and I’m supposed to hold a knife to your scalp. Hmmm. –Columbia University Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy Girl (yelling at other girl): Just because he cuts himself doesn’t mean he’s emo! –Brooklyn Tech HS 16-year-old to another: If Dane Cook was here, he would stab you in the chest. –The Beacon School Gay man to female friend: I’m gonna cut out your G-spot with a butter knife and stick it to the wall. –Dojo Resaurant Tall, muscular, handsome guy on cell: My night turned out pretty crazy… Why? Because this chick drew a knife on me in the restaurant before we even finished the appetizers… And I blame you for that. –Grand Army Plaza Overheard by: wishes she would have been there…

Wednesday One-Liners Bust Out One-Armed Pushups for Fun

Chick on cell: Yeah, I'm like a hardcore rollerblader now. I just haven't learned how to stop yet. –44th & 3rd Steroid Freak: So I was hanging from his torso and then we tried to insert the triangle… –25th & Lexington Young man to friend: He likes me, he likes my style… he wants me to contort my limbs on a float. –Union Square Overheard by: Eyeteeth Bored teenage girl (from 2nd story window): Hello, Mr Runner man! You've got a long way to go! I see you across the street there, wearing all black. These are words of encouragement! I support your acts of fitness! –Vanderbilt & Bergen Overheard by: Jilly Female power-walker with cigarette: I used to be able to make a mile in under 7, but that was, you know, way back in college, before the job and the (runs out of breath) …way back. –Prospect Park Loop Overheard by: EmLo

It's High Noon on Wednesday One-Liners' Sun Dials

Girl to boyfriend: Your idea of romance is an 8-ball and trying to get a hard-on! –12th & Broadway Preppy girl: Nothing turns me on like carbon monoxide! –Lucky Jack's Overheard by: Argopelter Excited suit: He came out of the womb with a woody! –1st Ave & 10th Overheard by: moodle Girl on cell: I heart you like an erection! –34th & 2nd Jock/pretty boy: Dude, I don't know why but she'd always give me boners in the middle of class. –St Marks & 2nd Ave Chick: It's all erections and prostates, erections and prostates! Could we have our check, please? –Arctica Bar & Grill, 3rd Ave & 27th St Overheard by: Rose Fox

God's Chosen Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to friend: Look, I just don't want to be born again, okay? I saw how you attacked that Jewish woman in the airport. –Broadway & 10th St Overheard by: Stephanie Patron: Jews for Jesus are just reformed black panthers. –Turkish Kitchen, 3rd Ave Overheard by: Pola Student who has just drawn a stereotypical Jew to another who has drawn Jesus on the cross: Wait–wait, Jesus was Jewish? –Bronx High School Of Science, Judaic Cultural Society Girl at birthday supper: I get all Jewish and entitled when anyone tries to tell me "no!" –8th Ave & 43rd St Overheard by: Lankyguy Jock to another: And then he like tried to fuck me. I guess that's what I get for spending the night at a dude's house. I mean he was Jewish and all, so he was really nice but still… –23rd St & Lexington