Archive for the ‘Judaism’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Crank the Woofers

Suit: So what you really need to do is put together a social networking site for dogs.

–Barfly, 20th & 3rd

Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson

Woman: I swear, my parents are only coming to visit so they can see my dog. Honest!

–Searchlight, 11th & University

Overheard by: MissPinkKate

Conductor: Will the man with the small dog in the plastic bag please leave the train. That is not a safe way to be transporting a dog. Thank you.

–Bay Head Train

Guy riding past on a bike, yelling into his cell: Baby! If the dog is talking, that means one of two things…

–24th Ave, Astoria

Overheard by: sara n.

Woman on cell: But it's not just any day of the year! It's Yom Kippur! (listens) Fuck you, Dave! Fuck you, and fuck your dog!

–Prince St

Overheard by: elle

Woman in elevator on cell (coming from attorney's office): You won't believe what he did! First he staged photos of me in bed with a dog. Then I turn the page and it's me in bed with my next door neighbor!

–Vesey St

Why Is This Girl Riding the Subway?

JAP: Oh my god, I can’t wait to move into the city. I can’t take my house anymore, my parents are always up my ass. Gabby, what time will you be home? Gabby, don’t forget to tell Rosa to pick up your dry cleaning! Gabby, we’re paying your tuition, you can’t treat this house like a hotel! It’s so annoying! I just wanna be on my own, I can take care of myself, I don’t need them constantly doing stuff for me!
Friend: Yeah… So where were you thinking of moving?
JAP: I dunno, my dad said he might let me move into his apartment on 89th. Either that, or a partner at his firm is selling a co-op that he might buy for me. He said I can choose.

–Uptown W train

Those Jews and Their Wednesday One-liners

Asian guy: Are there really this many Israelis in New York? –61st & 5th Overheard by: Adam Shprintzen Tourist girl: What’s a knish? I don’t know about these flavors. Can I get a plain one? –Yonah Schimmel’s Knishery, Houston Street White girl: There’s really no difference between gay guys and Jewish guys…Just the hat and a little ass-fucking, but other than that they’re pretty much the same. –184th & Bennett Girl: I don’t know if it’s an ego thing or what, but Jews really turn me on! –French Roast Cafe, West 11th Street Overheard by: Dottie McFarland

Enough to Be Greedy, but Not Enough to Feel Guilty about It

Chick #1: Sometimes I wonder if my Jewishness has more to do with living in New York.
Chick #2: I totally know what you mean. Like, how Jewish would we be in California?

–7th St, between 1st & Ave A

Headline by: Kevin

Runners-Up:
· “Fantastic Goyage” – j3rry

· “I Think More Than Madonna, Less Than Jesus” – alex gherardi
· “Like, Do These Tefillin, Like, Make My Wig Look Fat?” – Herbie McHebrew
· “Putting the El-Al in LA” – kerm
· “We Still Wouldn’t Swallow, but We’d Spit Cooler” – RaindanceRichard


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