Archive for the ‘Judaism’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Adjust Their Tiaras

JAP, reflecting: I think I might be a drug dealer.

–Spot’s Café

JAP: Yeah! I went to Israel this summer! And they all looked at me like I was an idiot! They don’t have Uggs there… They don’t have burgers… They don’t have loosies!

–Hunter College

Jappy teen: I’ve never done anything for society and I’ve done just fine.

–University & 12th

JAP: Bitch, "Jewish" is a religion!

–17th & 6th

NYU JAP: I told my dad that I couldn’t go to the scholarship fair because I had to get my nails done, and I think we’re still in a fight!

–Goddard Hall, NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Maya G.

Jappy girl to friend: [Sighs.] I’m losing faith in humanity, one orgasm at a time.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ponine

Wednesday One-Liners in Elbow-Patch Blazers

Professor: So I told my grad students they could have an A if they earned it, or if they beat me in a 12-minute cage fight.

–Fordham Universityy

Israeli politics professor, after class: There's enough Tylenol out there to take care of your hangovers after Purim. So, all your sorry little asses better be in this class at three o'clock, Wednesday afternoon.

–Yeshiva University

English professor: Yeah, the end of the poem relates to the beginning. Every good poem has a return… just like a good walk.

–Hunter college

Professor: Of course there was marital harmony! As we all know, the family who cuts drugs together, stays together.

–Fordham Law School

Overheard by: EntertainedStudent

Professor: An example of synecdoche would be, "get your ass over here." You want all of them, not just their ass. But sometimes, you do just want their ass. And we all know how that goes. But that sort of thing doesn't happen in a classroom… usually.

–NYU

Overheard by: queenofscots