Archive for the ‘Judaism’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Hope You’re Not a Cop

Man on cell: After I dropped Benny off at school I stopped by that harem.

–5th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Nerd

Old bald guy looking at Asian call girl section in newspaper, on cell, speaking very slowly and very loudly: Do… You… Take… Veee-saaaah. Veee-saaaah. Veeee-saaaaah! Yes! Visa! No? Okay, thanks. [Same exact dialogue takes place three more times.] Bingo!

–Milford Hotel

Overheard by: not an asian call girl

Guy: I’m a good Jewish son -I got 90% off on a hooker!

–Central Park

Guy on cell: Man, I love hookers. My friend just told me about Craig’s list. Shit, there’s like 5,000 hookers on Craig’s list. I love that shit.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: who knew?

Guido in leather jacket, to suit: So did anything ever happen with the whore?

–39th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Asian girl to friend: As long as I’m slutting myself out, I might as well get paid for it!

–22nd & 9th

Overheard by: Kate

Wasn’t There Some Kind Of Angel with a Turkey Baster?

Teen girl: You know what I don’t get?
Preppy friend: What?
Teen girl: If Mary was a virgin, how did she get pregnant?
Preppy friend: Uh…I think a white dove came down and landed on her.
Teen girl: … And where did it land?
Preppy friend: On her shoulder.
Teen girl: So a dove–
Preppy friend: A white dove. Impregnated mary on her shoulder. Yeah.
Teen girl: Who told you that?
Preppy friend: Sara, in Geometry.
Teen girl: … Sara is Jewish, you idiot!

–McDonald’s, Park Ave

Wednesday One-Liners Adjust Their Tiaras

JAP, reflecting: I think I might be a drug dealer.

–Spot’s Café

JAP: Yeah! I went to Israel this summer! And they all looked at me like I was an idiot! They don’t have Uggs there… They don’t have burgers… They don’t have loosies!

–Hunter College

Jappy teen: I’ve never done anything for society and I’ve done just fine.

–University & 12th

JAP: Bitch, "Jewish" is a religion!

–17th & 6th

NYU JAP: I told my dad that I couldn’t go to the scholarship fair because I had to get my nails done, and I think we’re still in a fight!

–Goddard Hall, NYU Dorm

Overheard by: Maya G.

Jappy girl to friend: [Sighs.] I’m losing faith in humanity, one orgasm at a time.

–1 Train

Overheard by: Ponine