Archive for the ‘K-I-S-S-I-N-G’ Category

Open-Mouth Wednesday One-Liners

Conductor: This is your conductor reminding you to beware of pickpockets. Keep your bags in sight, your wallets in your pocket, stay alert, and remember to kiss.

–5 express train

Overheard by: Ben Arwin

Guy to girl: I’m not going to kiss you, ’cause remember — last time we kissed was before you went to jail.

–O’Connor’s, Bergen St & 5th Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Joe

Drunk guy: I didn’t kiss your boobs, I kissed your chest. There’s a difference!

–49th & 1st

Guido: I’m not prejudiced against fat chicks. I would love to fuck a fatty tonight… I just won’t kiss her.

–Outside McFatty’s

Overheard by: Liz

Five-year-old girl: Before we leave, I’m going to kiss a boy and get married later.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Daveyy

Guys: Lucky Thirteen

Tall B&T girl: So then we made out and were all over each other and it was all PDA, and then we lost our virginities to each other. And I felt guilty because I was, like, 18, and he was, like, a minor.
Short B&T girl: Well how old was he?
Tall B&T girl: (silence)
Short B&T girl: Come on, most guys are like 15 when they lose their virginity.
Tall B&T girl: He was thirteen.
Short B&T girl: Oh.

–75th & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Dude, Nobody Listens to The Wednesday One-Liners Anymore

Young woman on cell: So I said to him, are you going to listen to Barbra Streisand forever?

–Christopher & Bleecker

Overheard by: Korky

20-something girl: I'm a teenager! I collect pogs and say "suck it," and listen to Kriss Kross!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Claire H.

Guy: Man, these guys are like The Beatles of my generation.

–In Line for Cypress Hill Show, Nokia Theatre

Burly MTA contractor: I mean imagine if it was a dude singing "I kissed a guy and I liked it."

–Chambers St Subway Station

Overheard by: sarah

Trendy girl: I can't believe they charge $1.29 for a song now. What song is worth $1.29?!? Well, I guess "Don't Stop Believing" and "We Are the Champions"… basically any Queen song.

–Coldstone Creamery, Astor Place

Overheard by: Any Britney Song

20-something girl to 20-something boyfriend: Don't dress up like Elton John because I want you to. Dress up like Elton John because you want to.

–Halloween Shop, 11th St & Broadway

…That Was You?

Hipster guy #1: Last night I started fighting with someone.
Hipster guy #2: Are you serious? I'm always fighting other people. Cause y'know, that's the only thing you can do besides kiss them.
Hipster guy #2: This one time I accidentally kissed someone and I was like “eewwwww”.
Hipster guy #1: Ewww.

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: What the hell were they talking about?

Wednesday One-Liners Gone Wild

College-aged girl, to her friends: We have to make out tonight. And we have to get it on camera. –Ave A Overheard by: damnitanyway Yuppie girl: I felt so uncomfortable so, like, I had to get wasted. –9th St, Park Slope Overheard by: Corbin 18-year-old Asian girl: My parents just don’t know me anymore, you know? I’ve changed my last year in New York, you know? Like, I’ve had sex with a lot of people. –Food Emporium, 50th & 8th Girl in red leather pants, on cell: Yeah, but you have to bring a leather outfit, otherwise you won’t get any clients. Everyone there is a biker or otherwise they are latex fetishists. –89th & Broadway Overheard by: ejuliast Girl: I used to have two vibrators, but I broke ‘em both. –14th St Trendy girl on cell: Yeah, so Long Islanders will be there. You know what that means: debauchery…and danger! –41st & Lex Girl: He had the nerve to tell me that I had no life. I was like, “I do too have a life! I am drinking constantly!” –Petite Abeille, Tribeca

Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”

Girl to friend: Get all your cheating in before you are married!

–Viacom Building, 44th & Broadway

Angry dude on cell: Well I bet you enjoyed fucking him last night while I was sitting outside your house watching!

–Hudson & Morton

Guy on cell: Hey sweetie… Oh, you’re so out of breath! Did you just finish having sex? [Pause.] Oh, okay, great. Just give me a call later!

–85th & 2nd

[Boy and girl are making out on a bench.]
Girl, pulling away
: You should really break up with her! [Make out session continues.]


–Entrance to Central Park at West 85th St

Overheard by: Bex

Man to woman, after kissing her for 20 minutes: C’mon, let’s go find your husband and my wife.

–Bryant Park

Man talking to friend in hallway: And so he says to me: "I never promised that I wouldn’t try to sleep with your wife."

–Basement, Mt Sinai Hospital

Overheard by: scrubs

Checkout girl to another: He said it wasn’t cheating because I’m his favorite.

–Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: David

The Adult Film Industry Will Be Happy to Guide You

Cute Asian girl: I feel like I'm in high school again, except the person I'm dating is female and a really good kisser, and the guy I'm plotting to seduce is my professor. What's wrong with my life?
Friend: I think you need to either learn to live without penis, or realize that kissing men isn't scary.
Cute Asian girl: Kissing women is scary too! But I happen to really enjoy kissing Christina.
Friend: Okay, so if you want to do your professor so badly, don't you think he might be a good kisser too?
Cute Asian girl: There are so many things you can do with a guy that don't involve kissing…
Friend: Again… Get over penis or start kissing men!
Cute Asian girl: It isn't that simple!

–Uptown 2 Train