Archive for the ‘K-I-S-S-I-N-G’ Category

Wednesnogsday One-Liners

White male to group of friends: I thought she was really into me… Then I turned around and she was kissing Mary.

–Pace University

Girl to boyfriend kissing her hand: Are you kissing my hand or wiping your nose?

–Central Park

Young boy to friend: Wow, lesbians kissing! I've only seen that on the internet!

–Grand Central Station

Black man to two men and two women making out indiscriminately: I thought all y'alls was gay, but now y'alls kissin' each other. I don't know what to think.

–Splash Bar

Wednesday One-Liners Go Animal Crackers

Burly father to daughter, passing grizzly bears: I have no compassion for stuffed animals.

–Bronx Zoo

Overheard by: Tarah

Guy to friend: I'm totally going to try to hook up with a dolphin when I'm in Cozumel.

–St. Mark's & 3rd

Girl: I would love to have sex with a cheetah!

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: urbanadventurer

Girl carrying reindeer head on bicycle rickshaw: It's not a moose head, it's a reindeer!

–4th Ave & 3rd St

Woman on cell: So are you still dating the tortoise man? (pause) So is this a good or bad thing?

–Bergen & Court

Overheard by: Staying away from the herpetarium

Crowding Out All the Perfectly Rational Jews, Catholics and Muslims

Drama queen: So we're so right for each other and we stayed up, like, forever talking, and then he kissed me. But don't get too excited; there's a huge problem.
Uninterested friend: Mmm-hm?
Drama queen: He's a Mormon. Like, his whole family is Mormon, and he kind of sort of believes in all that crap with the golden plates.
Uninterested friend, suddenly interested: Goddamn! Just when you think you've met the perfect guy, you find out that he's a Mormon. Shit. I tell you, those motherfuckers are everywhere!

–Starbucks, Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Actually, more like multiple-teenage-girl fuckers, but that just doesn't have the same ring.

Transvestite

(couple enters elevator, making out and groping each other as they enter)
Meathead boyfriend to semi-attractive girlfriend
: Are they going to make me sign out and then sign in when we get back?

Semi-attractive girlfriend: I'm not sure, I think probably.
Meathead boyfriend: Well, if it helps keep you safe…
Semi-attractive girlfriend: Speaking of safe, I think I have another stalker. But this time, he's 6'3″, 230 pounds, and a fireman.

–Columbia Dorm

Overheard by: Z

The Adult Film Industry Will Be Happy to Guide You

Cute Asian girl: I feel like I'm in high school again, except the person I'm dating is female and a really good kisser, and the guy I'm plotting to seduce is my professor. What's wrong with my life?
Friend: I think you need to either learn to live without penis, or realize that kissing men isn't scary.
Cute Asian girl: Kissing women is scary too! But I happen to really enjoy kissing Christina.
Friend: Okay, so if you want to do your professor so badly, don't you think he might be a good kisser too?
Cute Asian girl: There are so many things you can do with a guy that don't involve kissing…
Friend: Again… Get over penis or start kissing men!
Cute Asian girl: It isn't that simple!

–Uptown 2 Train