Archive for the ‘K-I-S-S-I-N-G’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Were “Working Late”

Girl to friend: Get all your cheating in before you are married! –Viacom Building, 44th & Broadway Angry dude on cell: Well I bet you enjoyed fucking him last night while I was sitting outside your house watching! –Hudson & Morton Guy on cell: Hey sweetie… Oh, you’re so out of breath! Did you just finish having sex? [Pause.] Oh, okay, great. Just give me a call later! –85th & 2nd [Boy and girl are making out on a bench.]
Girl, pulling away: You should really break up with her! [Make out session continues.] –Entrance to Central Park at West 85th St Overheard by: Bex Man to woman, after kissing her for 20 minutes: C’mon, let’s go find your husband and my wife. –Bryant Park Man talking to friend in hallway: And so he says to me: "I never promised that I wouldn’t try to sleep with your wife." –Basement, Mt Sinai Hospital Overheard by: scrubs Checkout girl to another: He said it wasn’t cheating because I’m his favorite. –Food Emporium, 68th & Broadway Overheard by: David

Hey, Kiss My Wednesday One-Liners

Drunk guy: Excuse me, Miss, I’m askin’… I want to kiss your ass! Just the left cheek! –8th Ave & W 55th St Overheard by: Fred Daubert Canadian guy: The first kiss’ll be at the altar. –Uptown 6 train Loudmouth on cell: Yeah man, and then, like, I was kissing her, and then I like, just started dancing with her. We were dancing, man. And then I picked her up, and she beat the crap out of me, and I had to put her down. Yeah, man. But she was a fuckin’ awesome kisser. –NYU Overheard by: lucy in the sky with diamonds Girl on cell: I can’t remember the last time we kissed on the mouth, can you? –43rd & Lex Ghetto chick leaving after fight with boyfriend: Kiss my ass. No, kiss my pussy while it’s bleeding, like you used to. –Washington Heights Girl on cell: He said he wouldn’t leave until I kissed him… so I kissed him while I was on the toilet! –115th St & Manhattan Ave Overheard by: Melissa Berry

Your Wednesday One-Liner Is Nothing to Be Ashamed Of

Woman: Excuse me, can you tell me something? Do I have a hickey on my neck? I have to go to a lunch and I just want to know if I have a hickey on my neck. –SoHo Overheard by: kim Guy on cell: He shoved his hand in so many crevices that they looked like flippers. –2nd Ave & Houston Overheard by: gypsee Drunk girl: If Bethany doesn't have legs, nobody has legs. –1 Train Overheard by: oliviz Strange woman, seeing another woman massaging pressure points on friend's ear: She has a headache? It starts in the scrotum. –M14D Bus Man, missing stop: This is the problem with having a prostate that's bigger than your brain…you always forget to get off. –Downtown 1 Train Overheard by: rachel Girl: She slept with Harry, and she didn't know he only had one hand, and afterward she still didn't know he only had one hand. –Brother Jimmy's Restaurant Overheard by: Joe

Wednesday One-Liners Gone Wild

College-aged girl, to her friends: We have to make out tonight. And we have to get it on camera. –Ave A Overheard by: damnitanyway Yuppie girl: I felt so uncomfortable so, like, I had to get wasted. –9th St, Park Slope Overheard by: Corbin 18-year-old Asian girl: My parents just don’t know me anymore, you know? I’ve changed my last year in New York, you know? Like, I’ve had sex with a lot of people. –Food Emporium, 50th & 8th Girl in red leather pants, on cell: Yeah, but you have to bring a leather outfit, otherwise you won’t get any clients. Everyone there is a biker or otherwise they are latex fetishists. –89th & Broadway Overheard by: ejuliast Girl: I used to have two vibrators, but I broke ’em both. –14th St Trendy girl on cell: Yeah, so Long Islanders will be there. You know what that means: debauchery…and danger! –41st & Lex Girl: He had the nerve to tell me that I had no life. I was like, “I do too have a life! I am drinking constantly!” —Petite Abeille, Tribeca

Wednesday Sung Liners

Metalhead, playing guitar and singing: Buy some fuckin' poptarts /buy some fuckin' weed/ buy some fuckin' cigarettes/buy everything you need! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: j Singing hobo pushing cart: I am wiiiise. I am wise! –Union Square Station Overly flamboyant gay guy, singing: I kissed a girl and I liked iiiit. (swishes hips while walking) –11th St & 7th Ave Overheard by: Mal Sullivan Singing gay guy to another, clapping hands in rhythm: You look like a cunt, you act like a cunt, you smell like a cunt, you feel like a cunt… –2 Train Overheard by: drew Hobo, getting into train and taking out electric guitar and amp: Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please! This song is for the white lady with the orange pocketbook. She reminds me of Martha Stewart…when she got out of jail. (starts singing) 3 train white lady is my girl, my girl, my girl! –Downtown 3 Train Overheard by: Jingles Little girl in stroller, singing happily: Doe, a deer, a hee-hale deer. Ray, a drop of golden pee-pee… –E Train

So Many Possible “Jam” and “Spread” Jokes–The Mind Reels

JAP #1: I hate boys who won’t kiss you after you go down on them.
JAP #2: Yeah, I know. But I don’t kiss boys after they go down on me.
JAP #1: That’s awful! If he can handle it, you should too.
JAP #2: But it’s so bitter! I’m just saying: if they sold a jam the flavor of my vagina, I would not buy it. –27th & 5th