Archive for the ‘Kick’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Lay the Smack Down

Big guy on phone: … All I’m sayin’ is that’s wrong, man — you hit an ol’ woman, and you’re a boxer!

–151st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Thin walls

Guy on cell: So, wait — you punched her or slapped her? In the face?! Oh. Ow… Yeah, that’s still not appropriate.

–N 6th St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: j

Angry guy on cell: This guy laid a fucking warrant on me for beating up crackheads!

–168th & Fort Washington Ave

Overheard by: RR

Five-year-old girl to seven-year-old brother: I’ll punch your Adam’s apple straight down your throat!

–Graham Ave bus station

Black girl on rising escalator, to friend: If he says anything to me, I’m gonna kick him in the ding-ding and then run!

–Broadway East station

Overheard by: Subwaysurfer

Wednesday One-Liners Love the Rear Naked Choke

Girl to another: And she went to get into her car. I was like "you'd better get out of here or I'm gonna fuck you up." And she was all slamming the door and stopping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got into her car and left.

–NY Central Library

Overheard by: amused

Woman on cell: Hi, Annie! How are you? (pause) I'm going to get my ass kicked by a very big black man.

–Park Slope

Suit on cell: If you don't stop hanging up on me, I will kick you in the throat.

–Times Square

Guy on cell, very loudly: Yeah, but, so nobody knows about it except me and the other guys in the fight club.

–21st St & Broadway

Overheard by: Alex

20-something girl: And then she chloroformed me. (pause) I said that too loud.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Russ

Wednesday One-Liners Keep It Rail

Conductor: Ladies in gentlemen, we would be moving, but there's a bitch-ass 5 train ahead hogging all the customers at 59th St.

–4 Express Train

Overheard by: Lexington

Conductor: Once again, there are no 2 or 3 trains from this station, so if you are looking for anything, don't get off the train, coz it's not gonna be there.

–Downtown 4 Train

Overheard by: Donz

Conductor: Okay, raise your hand if you want to leave!

–7 Train

Overheard by: will it help if I put two hands up?

Conductor: Do not get on this train. It is not taking any passengers, not even one. Do not even try, you will get kicked off.

–Fordham Rd, Bronx

Overheard by: The next train isn't for an hour and I'm already late.

Conductor: Attention, passengers… You cannot use chemical solvents on the train.

–NJ Transit

Conductor: The next stop will be Bryant Park, #2nd Street. What a gorgeous day! Why not take advantage of one of New York City's many fine outdoor eateries. Have you heard the one about the monk and the hot dog vendor? Hot dog vendor: "What's it going to be, buddy?" Monk: "Make me one with everything"! This is Bryant Park, 42nd Street. Have an enlightened day!

–F Train

Wednesday One-Liners Still Miss the Crocodile Hunter

Girl on iPhone: It's not like he's gone and, y'know, rescuing cheetahs…

–Astoria

Lone hobo: Thanks, god… for goats, people and buses.

–Manhattan Bridge

Woman on phone: Hi, honey. Did you find the frogs with the red eyes? (pause) Oh, do you think your mom will like the quail? (pause) It's 30% off, right?

–Lincoln Center

Subway drummer: This next one is called "moose call." it goes, "yo, moose!" (pause) Hey, I didn't write it, I just made it popular.

–Shuttle to Times Square

Overheard by: Media addict

French man: It's like doing a horse. Kick him in the ass and he will kick you right back.

–Long Island City

Overheard by: Sunny