Archive for the ‘Kick’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are the Soundtrack of Your Life

Guy to friend: Dude, I'm working on a new house song right now. It's going to kick ass. It's called "Google It". It goes "Googleit, Googleit, Googleit…" –Madison Square Park Overheard by: Ian Two guys: Ladies and gentlemen, we are not asking for any money, we just want to sing a little Linkin Park. (they proceed to jump around and sing Linkin Park) –Uptown N Train Overheard by: Hametuka Hipster to friend: Flava Flav…yeah, he's like that skinny guy in Lord of the Rings…you know… "my precioussss…" Yeah… That's him…just a darker version. –Subway, Brooklyn Preteen: I won't beat my wife! I listen to Bob Marley! –E 21st St b/w 1st & 2nd Dude (matter-of-factly): Crazy northerners…don't quite understand that we're aware of how to speak English in the South. We just choose to say things cooler. That's why Southern rap sounds so much cooler. –St. Mark's Place Overheard by: another misunderstood southerner Middle aged tourist woman: Have you heard all of these Country Western songs about little girls recently? There's like four of them, and they're all really good too! –Pinkberry, Bleecker b/w MacDougal & Sullivan Overheard by: Jason

Little People–Big Wednesday One-Liners

Greasy guy on cell: Yeah, there was this whole big to-do. They had all these little midgets running around–it was a whole Willy Wonka thing going on. –42nd & Park Ave Overheard by: Aren't They Called Little People? Midget on mobile: Man, you don't know how tough it is, these little women are tough, they know what they want… Yeah, yeah… The are like tigers, they'll eat you up! –Grand Central Station Overheard by: JT Flyer guy: Comedy show, folks–we got midgets! –Herald Square Overheard by: BeccaGo Guy: High-five if you like midgets and drugs! –42nd & 7th Overheard by: Shannon Suit on cell: Yeah, yeah, we're gonna do it big for my birthday. No I'm thinking more like midget strippers…eh, I haven't decided what I want it to be. (pause) Oh yeah, sorry, not "it," "him" or "her." No, I think dwarfs have magical powers, that's the deal. Not racist, dwarfist maybe. –Chinatown Bus Overheard by: Evan Drunk guy with group of friends: I'm sorry I hit you, I thought I was Irish and you were four feet tall. –41st & 2nd Ave Overheard by: Glad I'm not short

“Honesty Is the Best Policy”? Lies

White dude to passengers: Ladies and gentlemen, I don't normally do this. I just got out of jail and my family won't let me come back home. I am not a drug user or an alcoholic. I go back to work on Monday, please help me. I'm scared. I went to a shelter and I was beaten and had everything taken from me. I'm just trying to make enough to stay at the YMCA for the night. Anything you can do to help me…
Chica, yelling: Yo, my friend wants to know what you was in jail for!
White dude: Oh, I raped a girl. –F Train Overheard by: LZA

Wednesday One-Liners Will Slap You Like a Red-Headed Stepchild

Woman on cell: Shut up! Shut up! I'm going to punch you in the face! I love you. –A Bus Spanish chick: Two things can't happen tonight. One, I can't get in a fight tonight. Two, I can't see nobody I don't like. –5th Ave & 11th St, Park Slope Overheard by: Matthew K. Johnson Homeless, burnt-out surfer lady: Then I looked up, and this cunt is about to hit me like a man! –139th & Broadway Overheard by: Jesse Cromer Guy to girl: The next time your parents chuckle at my misfortunes, I'm gonna kick 'em in the nuts. I'm gonna kill 'em! –20th St & 5th Ave, Brooklyn Jamaican conductor over PA: Don't move between cars while the train is in motion. I don't want to have to knock you the fuck out. –1 Train Overheard by: Got Knocked Out

Wednesday One-Liners Will Pass You a Note in Study Hall

Teen girl: The teacher was like, "Everybody did well on the oral part, that's a good thing, because I hadn't thought it was too long or hard." And then a kid in the back shouted, "That's what she said!" –Times Square Teen girl, after being hugged by two boys: Okay, which one of you fingered me? –Outside Queens Center Mall Overheard by: disgusted educator on bus Teen on cell: Stuff? What the hell? Wait, stuff and things? What the fuck, man?! –Grand Central Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual Teenage boy: Every time you type "lol" a baby gets kicked in the head. –150th & Columbus Teen girl on cell: Why you always call me "ghetto?" I'm not ghetto. (long pause) Okay, I am! But I can't help it! –Park Avenue Overheard by: taylor Teen punk girl on phone: Yeah, I kinda got to third in a dumpster… No! No, it was a clean dumpster! –St Mark's & 2nd