That’s Lunacy

Young Son: Is there a Mars eclipse, too?
Father: There’s no Mars eclipse, there’s Marzipan, but no Mars eclipse. –Watching the eclipse, West Village

..And This is How They Undress

12 year old chick: You see? I told you! This is how the grown-ups dress. –East Village

Personal Foul

Black kid: Miss, buy some candy to support my school’s basketball team.
Indian woman: No thank you.
Black kid: Man, you people don’t buy nothing. But you sure speak good English. –40th St. & Lex.

Like Sucking on a Gumdrop

10-year-old boy #1: Hey sexy stars! Sexy ladies!
10-year-old boy #2: Hey, come give us blowjobs! –Bensonhurst

Now Shut the Fuck Up, You Unwanted Accident

Little Girl: Mommy, why do people in New York always wear black?
Mommy: I don’t know. Maybe they just don’t like looking pretty.

–Upper East Side

Poo Poo Platter

Little Chinese Boy #1: You want to look at your dick.
Little Chinese Boy #2: You want to look at ass.
Little Chinese Boy #1: You want to look at pussy.
Little Chinese Boy #2: You want to look at your balls.
Little Chinese Boy #1: You’re gay.
Little Chinese Boy #2: Faggot. –W Train

At least she’s honest

A young girl selling M&Ms on the A train: “Hey, I’m not here for no basketball team or anything, but if ya’ll want to give me some money, that’s cool.” Note: she got quite a few sales, as well as a guy’s number

Mother of Wednesday One-liners

Mom: I don’t know. I think you have to be, like, 21 to go to outer space. –83rd & Amsterdam A six-year-old stops coughing and asks: Mommy, why did you cover my mouth? –Q Train

The Mother of Irony

Mom: What are you, stupid? 14 minus 34 is not 30 blocks. It’s ten!
Daughter: No it’s not.
Mom: Oh yeah, wait. It’s twenty. –3 Train Overheard by: Rehey11

Wednesday One-liners

Hottie: …and then I want to tell them: less gooch, more cooch. –DtUt, LES Overheard by: e. glass HS kid: My friend’s dad can blow smoke stars. –Columbus Circle