Archive for the ‘Kids’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Add a Little Something Extra

Dad: Okay, girls! Now, we’re on a very tight budget — you can get ketchup, mustard, or barbecue sauce.

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: bill R

Girl: Apparently I ate an entire jar of mustard.

–Bard High School Early College

Overheard by: and didn’t notice?

Hot guy on cell: That’s fine, but I just don’t want to find the television smeared with peanut butter this time…

–96th & CPW

White chick: La Choy is the white trash of soy sauce!

–113th St

Overheard by: Meister E.

Man to hobo: If I had any more butter, I would give it to you, but I don’t because I used it already.

–Howard St

Overheard by: havarthe

Foxy lady, to female dining companion: I could pour ketchup in your cleavage and dip a fry in it… Just dip it in! Why are people staring at us?

–Relish, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Justin Casement

Is That Any Creepier Than a Store with a Hair Salon for Dolls?

Child with doll in tow: Mommy, I really want Mia.
Park avenue mom #1: Well, maybe. Wouldn’t it be cool if they just sold the heads?
Park Avenue mom #2, poking head out of stall: What?
Park Avenue mom #1: Like, if they just sold Julie’s head, or Addy’s head?

–American Girl Store Bathroom

Overheard by: Layla

Paris: But, Nicole, You’re Black

Rich chick: So now he’s telling me we need a kid. I don’t want one, but he says we can adopt and avoid all the messy stuff.
Friend: So are you going to?
Rich chick: I said I’d consider it if we can get one that’s actually white. You know. ‘Cause you never really know what they’re giving you.
Friend: That’s so true.

–Macy’s

Wednesday One-Liner Is Murder

Black man: I can never watch you eat sausage again. It was the most awkwardly erotic thing I've ever seen. It was the perfect combination of food and female.

–Pratt Coffee Shop, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Maryrose

Boy to friend: And then the teacher said: "and that's the history of ham"!

–Queens

Overheard by: alex

Young woman on cell: Well, I would go to Gray's for hot dogs with you, but I can't. I gave up tubed meat for lent.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Caroline

Cute teen girl: It'd be like a floppy bag of meat… (pause) I'm not talking about dick!

–Starbucks

Woman placing drive-thru order: And two junior bacon cheeseburgers. Actually, I don't want the bacon. I don't want to get the swine flu.

–Wendy's Drivethru, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Oh the Pig-manity!

Upset Orthodox Jew mother to baby in stroller: Bacon!? Who told you about bacon!?

–West End & West 100th St

Wednesday One-Liners Use “Summer” As a Verb

Older woman to friend: Down there where the servants are, you know, where the gardening people and the kitchen is, I don't go there. I just don't go there.

–38th & 5th

Overheard by: garden in manhattan?

Greek Princess shopping for wedding rings: This isn't the more expensive ring I wanted but we just bought an apartment in the 70s.

–Tiffany's Second Floor

Overprivileged teenage girl on cell: The bourgeoisie… The bourgeoisie are like, the common people.

–Union Square

College girl: No, I mean seriously: who, by the age of 25, has not been to Rome or Florence?

–Fordham University, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Dan

Six-year-old: Mommy, how do you spell "Forbes"?

–Restaurant, Upper East Side

Overheard by: jess

Eat This– It'll Be Hanukah in Your Mouth!

Little boy: When will it be Hanukkah?
Dad: Not for a while.
Little boy: But I'm begging you for Hanukkah.
Dad: You got some time until it's Hanukkah, buddy.
Little boy: Now you'll never get me a present!
Dad: (begins to leave with the little boy)
Little boy: I am not moving until it's Hanukkah!

–Bagel Shop, The Village

Overheard by: wilpon