Hottie: …and then I want to tell them: less gooch, more cooch. –DtUt, LES Overheard by: e. glass HS kid: My friend’s dad can blow smoke stars. –Columbus Circle
Archive for the ‘Kids’ Category
A Little Potty Humor–Literally
Mother: When you go into the stall do not sit down on that toilet seat!
Girl: OK, Mommy.
Mother closes the door and goes into the next stall.
Girl: Mommy?
Mother: Yes?
Girl: I’m sittin’ all over this toilet!
Mother: Girl, I told you not to sit on that toilet!
–Wendy’s ladies room, W. 34th and 8th Ave
Already Smarter Than Most Weathermen
Son: Is rain alien acid or regular acid?
Mom: Regular acid.
–43 Street & 9th Avenue
Overheard by: Ethan Knecht
Getting Served Left and Right
Teen subway dancer: Why you opening your mouth? No one’s talking to you.
Kid subway dancer: That’s why I got a mouth. So I can talk.
Teen subway dancer: I don’t like nosey niggers.
Kid subway dancer: At least I don’t sleep outside!
–D Train
They’ll Be Sure to Win the Special Olympics Pageant
Indian Girl: Oh my God! Our kids are going to be mad cute!
Asian Guy: Hell yeah! No doubt about it, with my looks and your height.
Indian Girl: Oh, and plus my body.
–Union Square
Not Even Bong Barbie?
Hipster chick: Ugh, dolls. Dolls are so creepy. I’m never letting my kid have a doll. Drugs, yes. Dolls, no. –UES
Kids These Days, I Tell Ya…
Kid #1: Paper beats rock. BAM! Your rock is blowed up!
Kid #2: “Bam” doesn’t blow up, “bam” makes it spicy. Now I got a SPICY ROCK! You can’t defeat that!
–6 Train
I Wonder Who He Voted For?
A driver almost runs over a kid.
Driver: Look at the light! Look at the light!
Kid: Look at the street!
Driver: Go back to Russia, you fuck!
–Bensonhurst
“Fairy” is a Much More Polite Slur
Boy #1: Hey mom, is…is chicken meat?
Boy #2: No, dumbass, it’s a fruit.
Mother: Hush now! I don’t want to hear that language!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Blake Wyatt
Has “Fruit” Been Reclaimed Yet?
Dad: So what did you learn in school today?
Son: Ummm…a tomato is a fruit.
Dad: What? A tomato is a fruit?
Son: Yeah, cause it has seeds.
Dad: You’re telling me a tomato is a fruit? Is a pumpkin a fruit?
Son: Yeah, they have seeds.
Dad: What about a cucumber, is that a fruit?
Son: No.
Dad: What about a squash? A zucchini? You know what I think? I think you’re the fruit!
Son: No, I don’t have seeds.
Dad: …I’m not going there.
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Rehey