Archive for the ‘Kink’ Category

Infernal Wednesday One-Liners

Protestant street preacher with mic: You’re going down the Broadway to Hell.

–42nd & 8th

Subway preacher: When you buy a tree and put that in your house, and when you put all the presents under the tree, that’s all for Satan, not for Jesus. One day I was thinking about how the name Santa looks familiar, and I’m thinking to myself, Goddammit… No, wait, sorry. I’m thinking to myself, Santa… No, that’s Satan. You see? They kept the S but they just changed all the rest of the letters around.

–Brooklyn-bound C train

Overheard by: P. Mills

Suit on cell: The only thing is, she’s so innocent. I need someone to curse at me and spit in my face. I need some rough, yelling-at-each-other sex. I’m like Satan and she’s the Virgin Mary.

–Metro-North train, Grand Central

Hardhat: I don’t know if I’m going to heaven; I don’t know if I’m going to hell… All I know is I have to change at Jamaica.

–LIRR

Overheard by: Rob

Yuppie woman talking to herself: The devil is a liar — a fucking liar!

–Outside Lincoln Plaza Theatre

Overheard by: SLC kid

Teacher: I’m going to burn in Hell for this… Wait! I’m Jewish! I don’t believe in Hell! I’m not going to burn! Yay!

–Hunter College High

Wednesday One-Liners: So Lifelike!

Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would totally do it!

–Queens

Middle-aged Latino: I've got barbie dolls!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Confabulation Nation

Newspaper vendor: Cause I have that multiple sneezing thing! I hate that crap! I'm like a bobble-head doll!

–96th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Galatea

Girl leaving nail salon: It looks like Malibu Barbie just threw up all over my feet.

–11th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Bill

Despondent little girl in coffee shop: Um, I don't play with the doll house that much because you said we're not supposed to play in the meditation room.

–Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn

Wednesday One-Liners Never Use the Safeword

Prim lady: Even whips and chains can’t keep boy problems from being typical.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Ladle

College student to friends: One time I just want to be caught in a sexually compromising situation with nothing but my bubble wand blower.

–27th & 7th

Overheard by: LFB

Queer on cell: When you handcuffed me, ohhh yes… No, I don’t think there’s a railing I could use right now. No… I’m not taking them out of my bag! Ugh, fiiine… Be there in five minutes… You’re baaad! [Runs off giggling.]

–Penn Station

Little girl, to mother: Get off the train! I want to get off! Move away! Move away! Bad girl!

–1 train

Overheard by: EthanK

Chick on cell: Your hook-up buddies would be the type to stow you in a closet.

–Harlem

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Nerdy chick: Cognitive dissonance is not my kink.

–Kinoko Sushi, W 72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Rose Fox

That Guy Is Such a Riot

Guy #1: Jackhammering is when you’re banging her head against the wall repeatedly while plowing her.
Guy #2: No, that’s a battering-ram.
Guy #1: Well, I prefer Rodney King style, beating her senseless while taking care of business.
Guy #2: Could you say that louder? One cook back there didn’t hear you. –Margaritaville, Grand Central Overheard by: Lizzerd

Who Was That Masked Man?

Beer buddy #1: I have a question. You know how there are plenty of girls who won’t do oral or anal sex, right?
Beer buddy #2: No girl who I’d waste any time with, but yeah. So?
Beer buddy #1: So, statistically there must be some homosexual guys who won’t do oral or anal sex, right? I mean, just by the law of averages, there must be, right?
Beer buddy #2: So? Is this leading to some kind of hypothesis?
Beer buddy #1: Well, if a gay guy isn’t into oral or anal sex, where does he fit into the gay community?
Beer buddy #3: He could do a lot of other things. He could let other guys piss into his mouth, he could jack off onto other guys, he could do circle jerks, he could be a bukkake boy… There’s lots of stuff he could do.
Beer buddy #1: Oh, yeah. I never thought of that.
Queer at next table, getting up to leave: He could also be fitted with a leather hood, suspended from the ceiling, and taught discipline. If you want to know more, here’s my card.

–Bar, Soho

Overheard by: Big Larry

There’s a Law Against Wednesday One-Liners in Alabama

Woman playing with touchable exhibits, to friend: You know, we never used riding crops until our wedding night.

–Museum of Sex

Hot chick on cell: I just made a first date for tonight… Fifteen minutes later I remember the hickeys I have on my neck. [Long pause, then] That said, it’s a date with a guy I met while I was wearing a collar, so maybe bite marks are, like, expected of me.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: McFreaky

Chick on cell: How can I be a submissive if we’re listening to the Eurythmics?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Ladle

Hot chick on cell: My only problem is randomly spanking strange women.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Drunk girl to drunk guy: So, after our conversation last night, I Googled ‘circle jerk.’ Is that something you guys do often?

–The Hairy Monk, 27th & 3rd