Dude: Well, the other day she said, “I want you to fuck me in the park.” So we went to the park, went behind some bushes where there was a clearing and bam, bam, bam. Then I came on her face. –116th & Amsterdam Overheard by: fannybaum
Little girl: Daddy, let’s go in here!
Dad: No, that stuff’s not for you.
Little girl: But mommy went in there!
Dad: It’s a store for grown-ups.
Little girl: No it isn’t! They have baby bottles!
–Outside Fetish Shop, W. 4th & Cornelia
Creepster harassing waitress: Are you, like, a biker chick? Is that why you’re wearing leather? Is there a whip that goes with it? I’ll tip extra if there is. [To buddies, minutes later] Yeah, so, I’m going to get nude pictures taken of myself.
–230 5th Ave
Barber #1: Yo, last night I had a steak.
Barber #2: Don’t tell me you had steak last night. Tell me you fucked some bitches last night. Tell me you got your ass licked last night. Tell me you farted in a chick’s mouth and her cheeks blew up last night.
Overheard by: Nathaniel
Blonde: Don’t you think getting fucked by Harry Potter’s wand would be hot, because it’s like an extension of himself?
Butch girl: Oh my god, I’ve been thinking about wand-fucking for like six months!
–Bethune & Greenwich
Overheard by: Never Forever
Idiot #1: … And that’s why they call him Ted Kaczynski, because he bit her on the ass.
Idiot #2: Really?
Idiot #1: Yeah, they got the dental records and everything. He totally bit her on the ass, and there were bite marks. That’s why they call him Ted Kaczynski.
–61st & 10th
Hoodie: Who’s that guy who takes all the pictures of the little girls? –Williamsburg Overheard by: Keith Scott
Guy: I said, “I hate to break it to you, but I’m straight.” And she said, “If you like girls, don’t introduce yourself as Jeremy. It’s a nice name.” And I said, “I’m not interested in girls like that. I like the superfreaks.” –Belly, LES
A DJ who has gotten too big for her britches finishes playing a Rubber Rodeo song.
Indie guy: Great song. So…you’ve got my info?
Miss DJ: Yes. I have your e-mail. We’ll be in touch.
Mr Bartender: If you’re going to be in touch with that boy, can I watch? —Mondo, Bar 169
Young Woman #1: I have to go to this “dungeon” for my Sexual Psychology class. Do you want to come?
Young Woman #2 in her mid-twenties: Is it like an S&M thing?
Young Woman #1: I don’t know. It’s like they act out different sexual
fantasies with whips and stuff.
Young Woman #2: OK, that sounds cool. — Upper East Side