Archive for the ‘Knock-Offs’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer “Gentleman Companion”

Teenage girl to friend: Boyfriends are so overrated, except not really because I really want one.

–Lincoln Center

Guy: I don't care if her new boyfriend is god–I will kick his ass!

–Church St

Overheard by: Steve

Guy to friend: Yeah, she's in Jamaica. How fucked up is that? She's 20 and in Jamaica with her boyfriend. I'm 25 and I'm standing on a train next to you.

–Metro-North

Art student: I wanna write a diary, like, "8:45, kill boyfriend."

–NYU

Man on street selling knockoff perfume: C'mon ladies, buy this perfume. It will help you get a boyfriend! Don't get a cheap boyfriend, get some cheap perfume!

–34th & 7th

Overheard by: Kiran

Girl to friend: From now on, I am only having sex with one boyfriend.

–Marlow & Sons

Wednesday One-Liners Call It “Direct Marketing”

Guy selling city maps, singing to beat of nearby music: Who needs a map? Who needs a map? It's not a trap!

–Central Park

Ghetto guy selling knockoff perfumes on street: Don't ask me where I got em' from, just get em' before the police come. I got DKNY, my mami J.Lo… Get em' folks! Get em'

–23rd & 6th

Overheard by: Alli

Street vendor to customer examining knockoff purses: Hurry it up. I need money.

–Madison & 59th St

Overheard by: Jennifer

Wannabe hip hop artist: Y'all like hip hop? Please look at my CDs. Miss, you have a beautiful forehead. Please buy my CD.

–Times Square

Guy handing out fliers: Hey! You guys like vagina?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Brett

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Real Steal

Street vendor, yelling: Anyone need coach purses? Anyone need stolen shit?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Sarah and Andrew

Black guy holding purses: Yo! Who wants to buy some stolen shit? I got some nice stolen shit over here.

–Times Square

Overheard by: A Little Too Intrigued

Man selling bootleg designer bags: Anyone want some stolen shit?

–45th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Claire

Yelling man peddling counterfeit purses: Get your stolen shit! Everyone needs some stolen shit! It's stolen in New York, so it still counts as being from New York!

–Time Square

Thug holding handbags: Who want some stolen shit? I'm not gonna lie in 2009. I got Dolce & Gabanna and Louis Vuitton. Who want some stolen shit?

–Times Square

Wednesday One-Liner's Last Dance with Mary Jane

Professor: We will talk about the JDC–the American Jewish Joint Distribution Committee. And no, they were not dispensing marijuana.

–Queens College

Overheard by: ShaniP

Trashy JAP on cell: So I told her I was selling, and that bitch was like, "Katrina, for how much?" And I was like "Oh my god, mom, it doesn't matter how much the weed is going for, all that matters is the quality!"

–7th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: penelope

Random stranger to teens: You want to buy some weed? Just come back to my mom's house!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Rhian

College student on cell: Mom, you've got to stop smoking so much weed. I mean, fuck!

–Time Square

Random dude on street: I got it all! Liquor, alcohol, marijuana, Chips Ahoy! I got it!

–44th & Broadway

Overheard by: Lagster

Street vendor: Prada bags, Louis Vuitton bags, Gucci bags, marijuana bags… (everyone looks over at him) Hey, I gotta make money somehow.

–Times Square

Overheard by: mary jane

Wednesday One-Liners Make Digital Records Of Their Humiliation

Stoned girl to tourists filming and photographing ads outside M&M store: It's an advertisement, people!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Alice

Hot woman in suit to unsuspecting family buying a knock-off purse: Don't buy that shit, you stupid fucking tourists!

–44th & 6th Ave

Overheard by: would never buy that shit

NYC punk to tourist bus: Hey, tourists! Welcome to New York! {short pause} Fuck you!

–8th & Broadway

Young thug to friend: Man, if I told you once, then I be telling you a million times. You from New York, fool. In New York, you don't be going giving no tourists directions! If they say, "where's the Empire State Building at?" you spit on them and walk the other way! Now don't you go make me be telling you again! I've had enough of you and yo' foolish ways. (couple wearing "I (heart) New York" t-shirts inch away nervously)

–Union Square

Overheard by: Glad I had a map

Suit with southern accent: Nah! That library has too many tourists.

–51 & Lexington

Overheard by: Miriam

Wednesday One-Liners?

Woman, picking up rubber ball, to employee: Oh, what can you do with this?

–Scholastic Store, Soho

Freshman girl: What do we, like, throw in the recycling bin?

–Leon M. Goldstein High School

Overheard by: Robert Gleyberman

Woman, descending stairs onto train platform: Oh my god! Is that a train?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: curious to know what else she was expecting to see at a train station…

Random tourist to young Asian kid: Do you sell fake bags?

–Canal Street Station

Astute shopper: Do you take Duane Reade cards here?

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: fellow customer

Guy on cell: Bagels with butter? Where am I gonna get that?

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: sarahjane

You Want Wednesday One-Liners? We Got 'em!

Man handing out New York Post: New York Post! If you're illiterate, only 75 cents! If you only lookin at pictures, 50 cents!

–6th Ave & W 8th St

Overheard by: lady v

Man selling cotton candy: Get your cotton candy here! Cotton candy! I got your all-natural blue fibers of sugar right here! Straight from the blue cotton fields of…Virginia! Cotton candy, here!

–Shea Stadium

Street perfume seller to browser: You like Vera Wang, princess? This is genuine Wang.

–34th & 6th

Overheard by: Weary Communter

Street vendor: Hey, where are you ladies from? (two teenage girls walk by) Oh, that's cool, that's cool, I think I have a friend that lives there!

–7th & 40th

Overheard by: Tiffany

AM New York guy: Sir, would you like a paper this morning? No? No? (shakes head and looks at the ground) I don't care. (pause) It's okay, I don't care.

–145th & St. Nich

Overheard by: sorry charlie

Fake purse salesman: Gucci makes the coochie go woo woo!

–Times Square