Old lady #1: Well, we had already put ten thousand in the bank, so the Feds didn’t get ahold of that, thank God.
Old lady #2: Oh, good. Will that cover the cost of the lawyer?
Old lady #1: His Highness doesn’t want one.
–Veselka, 9th & 2nd
Overheard by: Cpt. Kate
Archive for the ‘Ladies Who Lunch’ Category
Wednesday One-Liners Forget the Safe Word
Old lady to other: Oh… S & M… Do you like to be the dominant one?
–El Greco Diner, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Robert
Girl boarding elevator, to friend: So, it’s not good when you have to ask your boyfriend if he’s ever whipped himself… [Notices other people on elevator] Oops.
–Elevator, 34th & 1st
Chick to another: We all assume that one day you’ll be married with kids… Probably with a dungeon in the basement, but nonetheless.
–House party, 113th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: McFreaky
Leather goods hawker: I’ve got leather everything! Leather thongs, leather socks… I got a leather condom with a zipper up the side!
–Orchard, near Rivington
Overheard by: losaida
Man: That Chinese lady liked it when I whipped you.
–G train
Overheard by: Jordan
TA to another: I love that we’ve been e-mailing about a student’s paper under the subject line ‘Fetish Ball.’
–Columbia University
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Small child, happily: … And that’s the kind of pain that never goes away!
–1 train
Overheard by: Emily Star
Guess You Win
Lady #1: Hey, Bonnie.
Lady #2: Hi, how are you?
Lady #1: I don’t know… One of my nurses quit today.
Lady #2: I was arrested yesterday.
–Elevator near Union Square
Little Cream-Filled Twinkie That She Is
Woman #1: They’re always having kids.
Woman #2: I think she just gets pregnant really easily.
–Union Square
How Many Women Does It Take to Change Them?
Woman #1: Are his balls brown?
Woman #2: No, they’re light like mine.
–The Village
Overheard by: Amy
I Very Much Enjoyed Falling Upon His Hard Times
Woman #1: Oh my god! You see that bum over there? I had sex with him in 1987!
Woman #2: Was he good?
–Times Square
Overheard by: SEDRICH
It’s Rain with DNA
Woman #1: Is it just me, or is it starting to rain?
Woman #2: No, someone probably spat on you.
–W 35th St
Ew. Those Aren’t Peanuts, They’re Chick Peas.
Woman #1: I think there’s peanuts in that chicken salad.
Woman #2: There’s penis in the chicken salad!
Woman #1: How could there be–? Hoo-boy, somebody needs to get laid.
–Deli, 25th & Broadway
Overheard by: Manhattman
Jeff Housebroken? Never Happen.
Woman #1: I told Jeff the best way he could propose to me would be to tie the ring around the neck of a cute puppy…
Woman #2: Housebroken.
Woman #1: Right.
–10th & 6th
Overheard by: Don
She’s Learned to Make the Green Ears Part of Her Style
Lady #1: Twelve dollars!
Lady #2: How much?
Lady #1: Twelve dollars! I never spend more than two dollars on earrings.
–22nd & 6th
Overheard by: Michael