Archive for the ‘Ladies Who Lunch’ Category

PETA-Approved Wednesday One-Liners

HS boy to two friends: Dude, you’d be surprised how many vegetarians are into meaty chicks. –E train Man eating salad: Vegetarians should be evolutionarily punished. –Small diner, Chinatown Girl to friend: Hey, do you think that the reason he doesn’t like oral sex is because he’s vegan? [Friend is silent.] Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it. –112th, between Broadway & Amsterdam Overheard by: Gigi Cougar dining with pals: I’m an animal-lover, so I’m going to get the fish. –Rue 57, 57th & 6th Crazy woman: Vegetarians have better sex! –F/V train stop, Houston & 1st Ave Overheard by: So, no hot beef injection? Woman handing out leaflets for veganism: Come on, come on! Vegans have better sex! No, really — try me! –Columbus Circle Overheard by: What is she trying to sell here?

And I Prefer to Be Called “Rubenesque”

Very loud woman: You ain’t gonna believe the shit that bitch said to me.
Friend: Who? Your friend?
Very loud woman: Yeah, that bitch, my friend. She ain’t my friend.
Friend: What she say?
Very loud woman: She say, ‘Oh, girl, I ain’t seen you in a long time — like weeks! You look so swollen! Why you so swollen?’ I was like, ‘Bitch, I ain’t swollen, I’m fat. Why you dissin’ me?’ –Starbucks, St. Mark’s