Archive for the ‘Ladies Who Lunch’ Category

What Do You Know About Superstring Theory?

Woman #1: You know, when I remember my childhood, I realize that my family was really complicated; my father and uncle were always fighting… Actually, my uncle tried to shoot my father once -
Woman #2: Wait, what?
Woman #1: Listen, that’s not the complicated part.

–Westside Brewery, Upper West Side

Overheard by: vitupera

PETA-Approved Wednesday One-Liners

HS boy to two friends: Dude, you’d be surprised how many vegetarians are into meaty chicks.

–E train

Man eating salad: Vegetarians should be evolutionarily punished.

–Small diner, Chinatown

Girl to friend: Hey, do you think that the reason he doesn’t like oral sex is because he’s vegan? [Friend is silent.] Yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s it.

–112th, between Broadway & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Gigi

Cougar dining with pals: I’m an animal-lover, so I’m going to get the fish.

–Rue 57, 57th & 6th

Crazy woman: Vegetarians have better sex!

–F/V train stop, Houston & 1st Ave

Overheard by: So, no hot beef injection?

Woman handing out leaflets for veganism: Come on, come on! Vegans have better sex! No, really — try me!

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: What is she trying to sell here?

After Crossing the Canadian Border, the Queen Began Behaving Erratically and Quarrelling with Prince Philip

Old lady #1: Well, we had already put ten thousand in the bank, so the Feds didn’t get ahold of that, thank God.
Old lady #2: Oh, good. Will that cover the cost of the lawyer?
Old lady #1: His Highness doesn’t want one.

–Veselka, 9th & 2nd

Overheard by: Cpt. Kate

Wednesday One-Liners Forget the Safe Word

Old lady to other: Oh… S & M… Do you like to be the dominant one?

–El Greco Diner, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Robert

Girl boarding elevator, to friend: So, it’s not good when you have to ask your boyfriend if he’s ever whipped himself… [Notices other people on elevator] Oops.

–Elevator, 34th & 1st

Chick to another: We all assume that one day you’ll be married with kids… Probably with a dungeon in the basement, but nonetheless.

–House party, 113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: McFreaky

Leather goods hawker: I’ve got leather everything! Leather thongs, leather socks… I got a leather condom with a zipper up the side!

–Orchard, near Rivington

Overheard by: losaida

Man: That Chinese lady liked it when I whipped you.

–G train

Overheard by: Jordan

TA to another: I love that we’ve been e-mailing about a student’s paper under the subject line ‘Fetish Ball.’

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Small child, happily: … And that’s the kind of pain that never goes away!

–1 train

Overheard by: Emily Star