Soccer mom #1: She’s a nun. Can’t smoke, drink or get married…
Soccer mom #2: Really? I just thought she was very butch.
–Nyack NY BBQ
Overheard by: Jerry Comyn
Archive for the ‘Ladies Who Lunch’ Category
Not with So Many People, Anyway.
Woman #1: I wish he would do me like that more often.
Woman #2: Why?
Woman #1: So I wouldn’t have to cheat on him anymore.
–40th & Park
He Claimed to Have Accidentally Pulled the Voting Lever for Bush
30-ish woman #1: Did you hear what happened to Peter?
30-ish woman #2: Yeah, and I can’t believe his father did it!
30-ish woman #1: Yeah, that’s much worse than if it was, like, their neighbor!
–15th & Union Square West
Overheard by: Can’t believe he did it either!
And I Prefer to Be Called “Rubenesque”
Very loud woman: You ain’t gonna believe the shit that bitch said to me.
Friend: Who? Your friend?
Very loud woman: Yeah, that bitch, my friend. She ain’t my friend.
Friend: What she say?
Very loud woman: She say, ‘Oh, girl, I ain’t seen you in a long time — like weeks! You look so swollen! Why you so swollen?’ I was like, ‘Bitch, I ain’t swollen, I’m fat. Why you dissin’ me?’
–Starbucks, St. Mark’s
Have You Located the Controls of Your Spacecraft Yet?
Lady: I’m pretty sure I think about sex a lot less than other women my age. I mean, I never ever really wanted to have sex with anyone, and the only people I have ever had sex with have been those to throw themselves at me…
Male friend: What about other women?
Lady: I don’t think any women ever really want to have sex. I think they just do it out of pressure and curiosity, because really, it’s not that good.
–Sri Lankan restaurant, 5th & 1st
Some Poor Guy Must Have Slept with Both of Them
50-ish woman #1: She’s a bitch.
50-ish woman #2: Well, her daughter killed herself.
50-ish woman #1: And now we know why! She’s a bitch! I may not have been the smartest girl in class, but I’m perceptive. She’s a bitch!
–Westside Restaurant
Overheard by: dek
He’s a Really Shitty Listener
Woman #1: I hate it. He never listens to me.
Woman #2: That guy listens out of his ass!
–W 96th near Amsterdam
Overheard by: clb72
Bras Sink into a Zone from Which No Light Escapes
Woman #1: So get this — my friend can wear any color bra she wants with any color shirt and no matter what she wears, you can never see her bra through her shirt.
Woman #2: Wow, how does she do that?
Woman #1: I’m pretty sure it’s because she’s flat chested.
–Elevator, Midtown office building
I Mean, I Assume He’s Sleeping with Her
Woman #1: You know that wasn’t a real woman, right?
Woman #2: I don’t know, I don’t know. I gotta ask my husband. He’ll know.
–23rd & 3rd
The Crack Helps, Too
Lady #1: My god, look at you! Just had a baby and you’re so skinny!
Lady #2: Well, I don’t eat anything.
–Hearst Cafeteria
Overheard by: Is THAT the trick?