Woman: Does anyone have something I could write with?
Mother: I do! One second.
Woman: Great, thanks.
Mother: Be careful, it’s my most favoritest pen.
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Jess Kimball
Archive for the ‘LaGuardia Airport’ Category
“Pretty Wednesday One-Liner, Walkin' Down the Street…”
Drunken skinny pretty girl: Why is she so mean? I mean I'm a skinny pretty girl. She should not be mean to me!
–Halloween Party, Tribeca
Drunken hobo to girl leaving Sephora: Let me tell ya how to look beautiful. Fill ya buckets with money. Bucketfulla money makes ya look beautiful.
–17th St
Overheard by: Lillian
Voice on loudspeaker: Last call for pretty man. Last call to board for pretty man.
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Jen
60-something woman to tenor, after La Traviata: Finally, an Alfredo who is good-looking!
–Stage Door, Metropolitan Opera
Hobo: I was voted best-looking bum by bum weekly 1996.
–45th & 3rd
Wednesday Mile-Highliners
Pilot: Passengers, please move your seat into the least comfortable position. We are now approaching LaGuardia intergalactic airport. I'm your pilot, T.J. Maxx.
–JetBlue Airplane
Pilot over intercom: We are about to depart, so please turn off your iPhones, Sidekicks, BlackBerrys, Blueberrys, Pinkberrys, Strawberrys and all other mobile devices. Even you, girl in the blue scarf.
–LaGuardia Flight
Flight attendant: In the meantime we ask that passengers please continue to use oxygen at their leisure.
–JFK
Bored-looking flight attendant, explaining how to board the plane in order: The letter on your boarding pass stands for the which group you may board with: a, b, or c. The number underneath stands for the amount of money you could save by switching to GEICO.
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Frequent Flyer
Air Things Out?
Blonde chick: So who do you work for?
Guy: I'm a federal air marshal.
Blonde chick: So, um, are you like working? What do you guys do?
–LaGuardia Airport
Wednesday Airliners
Stewardess: Welcome to New York, and on behalf of United Airlines we'd like to thank you for choosing us. Once again, this really is New York.
–La Guardia Airport
Pilot: Ladies and gentleman, we're going through some turbulence. Make sure you are seated with your belts fastened. I will get back to you when we start our descent. (noise in the intercom) This is not looking good.
–Near JFK Airport
Overheard by: We managed to land…
Stewardess on flight leaving for Chicago: Now, I realize that most of you have the following safety video memorized. However, you never know if the person sitting next to you is a first time flier, particularly safety-conscious, or an FAA inspector.
–La Guardia International Airport
Flight attendant, over PA: There will be no smoking aboard this flight. Alaska Airlines is a completely smoke-free airline…and, frankly, it's just bad for your health.
–Flight to Newark Airport
Overheard by: wink
Flight attendant: Sorry, guys, but we're still waiting on one more passenger. (pause) How many of you think we should just leave him? (half the passengers raise their hands) New Yorkers, New Yorkers…
–JFK to Ft. Lauderdale Flight
Thank God for Computers
Pilot to copilot: So do you fly these often?
Copilot: No.
–LaGuardia Airport
And All Of Their Menus Were Written in Code
Southern housewife #1, waiting for flight: Chinatown was scary–there was nooooobody that looked like us.
Southern housewives #2-#7: (all gasp)
Southern housewife #1: Noooooobody that looked like us!
–LaGuardia Airport
So Much for McDonald's and the Global Village
Soft spoken Greek man at McDonald's counter: Excuse me, do you have breakfast?
Large uninterested lady employee: Honey, we got all the breakfast you want. (points to pictures)
Soft spoken Greek man: Uhm… where is this breakfast?
Lady employee, getting mad: Right up here–anything you want!
Soft spoken man Greek man: So what kind of omelet are you serving today?
–La Guardia Airport
Overheard by: David
It's in a Bucket Labeled “KFC”
Georgia hick: We need to see if our animals are here.
Flight attendant: Um, how many do you have?
Georgia hick: One. A chicken.
–LaGuardia Airport
Overheard by: Dave
How About If You Walk Me Over There, Chulalongkorn?
Girl: My friend is at the passenger pick-up area. Where is that?
Airport worker: The passenger pick-up is where the passenger is picked up.
Girl: Yeah, where is it?
Airport worker: At the passenger pick-up.
–La Guardia Airport
Overheard by: Joe