Archive for the ‘LaGuardia Airport’ Category

Tragedy Has Many Meanings

Teen girl: Wow, that’s so sad…
Woman: Yeah, they have no electricity, no water to drink, no food to eat, nothing.
Teen girl: Well, can’t they just boil the water on the ground and drink it? They say the city is flooded with like six feet of water.
Woman: No, honey, that water is way too contaminated to be boiled, and besides that, they don’t have electricity.
Teen girl: Oh that’s so sad. Where is that? –LaGuardia Overheard by: Holly Percey Woman: So, what is it you like about New Orleans? –Becco, W. 46th Street Chick: Apparently there will be another September 11th this month. –65th & Lexington Girl: Looks like you got a tan this weekend.
Guy: Yeah, I was out on my friend’s boat but we ran out of gas in the harbor so we were out on the water for a while.
Girl: You know, that was one thing I kept thinking about all weekend, how inflated the price of marine diesel fuel must be.
Guy: It wasn’t my boat so I really don’t know. They get off the elevator. Human being: You know, the one thing I kept thinking about all weekend was all the fucking dead people. –Elevator, Madison & 49th Overheard by: Captain Obvious

When the Octopus Mates

Chick on cell: Dan and I hit it off so great! We were sitting there on opposite ends of the couch and our feet were all intertwined, and I paused and just was like, ‘Look at us! It’s like we’ve known each other for ages!’ … Well, I’m thinking of asking him to get his DNA checked to see if we’re compatible. ‘Cause, you know, I want someone compatible. I wonder what his genealogical lines are. I told him that I was crazy, though, and that I was gonna ask. It’s just great that he’s willing to do it. It’s good that he knows I’ll be in control of everything. –Plane leaving LaGuardia Overheard by: Cassandra

Wednesday One-Liners and Tigers and Bears–Oh, My!

Young woman to another: But do you know how big a horse dick is? –5th Ave & Carroll, Park Slope Girl: I'm really tired. I'm, like, an animal activist right now. –Parking Lot, Broadway Mall Overheard by: Lysa Student: I'm not that sensitive. I can watch those videos where they like, torture the animal or whatever, and then I'll go eat it. –Cardozo Law School Asian girl: Does this make me look like a sad Panda? –NYU Dining Hall Columbia girl: I'd never have asked if I knew he was the one who'd killed it. But I didn't suspect him. Who'd spend their time strangling a gerbil? –Columbia University Overheard by: Who'd have thought? Guido to friend: Yo, it smells like a skunk burped up a hot dog. –Penn Station Lady on speaker: If you have an animal, please do not put it through the X-ray. –LaGuardia Airport

Maury Povich Says You’re the Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on phone: His dad’s, like, crazy, and he lives in a house all by himself, and the saddest thing is… the saddest thing is this guy’s dad is even uglier than our dad! –Waverly Place b/w Mercer & Greene Woman: Don’t even think about humping your father’s feet! –President & Columbia [Before the start of the NYC pillow fight.]
Pillow-fighter: I’m gonna beat you all down like you were my daddy! [Hits people with his pillow.] Why weren’t you there, dad, why!? –Union Square Guy on cell: Hey dude, my flight has been delayed like an hour, yeah it does suck… [Pause.] Dude, from this point on I’m calling you "daddy". No: "big daddy". Yeah, hey big daddy… –US Airways Terminal, Laguardia Airport Little girl pointing at a grizzly bear: Daddy! Daddy! –Museum of Natural History

Above the Average Would Be Luckier

Mom: Eat this first and then you can have your Lucky Charms.
Little boy: No! I hate banana!
Mom: You do not; you were begging me for banana on Sunday. Fine. Turkey bacon, then.
Little boy: No.
Mom: Fine. Nothing for you. Say, “OK, Mommy.”
Little boy: You’re mean.
Mom: You’re lucky to have a mean mommy. –LaGuardia Overheard by: Kate Lane

Crotchless Wednesday One-Liners

Woman on cell: This is the same girl who has G-strings where her forks and knives should go. –2nd St & Ave B Salesgirl: Do you want your boobies up or down? –Victoria’s Secret, Manhattan Mall Overheard by: Linda Woman: I told Terrence not to pack that stuff in my carry-on. Security threw out all my Victoria Secrets! –Starbucks, La Guardia airport Overheard by: Allears Girl: Only fat girls and porn stars wear Ds. I want to be a C! –Victoria’s Secret, 57th St Man: Do you want to get some maternity underwear to make you feel sexy? –Greene St & Prince St Overheard by: deadzebra Man: Are you a Jehovah’s Witness? ‘Cause I don’t want you comin’ to my house unless you’re going to drop your panties! –PATH train Overheard by: blkgirl Girl on cell: Dad? Hi. I just bought a lot of panties at Victoria’s Secret. Can you reimburse me? Dad? –Broadway & Prince St Overheard by: djingo