Slightly drunk kid from Alaska: I realized I had blacked out when I woke up on top of my sister. –14th St Overheard by: The Reverend Young girl on cell: You passed out from him choking you? (pause) Like…does it…um…sting? Did he apologize at least? (pause) Ya know, it's not okay to get so fucked up that you don't know that he's choking you. –Max Cafe Overheard by: D to the ana Loud girl on cell: Oh my god! Don't even worry about hitting on her too much, she was totally blacked out last night! –Whole Foods Union Square Overheard by: bildita Preppy girl: Is "faint" a euphemism for "boner"? –LaGuardia Airport Overheard by: Diana
30-something ramper: So, Gerald Ford died, huh?
20-something ramper: Who’s he?
30-something ramper: A president of the United States, you dummy.
30-something ramper: Oh, he was that Bay of Pigs guy, wasn’t he? –Ramp breakroom, LaGuardia
Mother: Oh my god! I just saw a bird fly by the window! Isn’t that neat?
Teen: Don’t be ridiculous, Mom. Birds can’t fly that fast. It was probably a bullet. –LaGuardia
Southern housewife #1, waiting for flight: Chinatown was scary–there was nooooobody that looked like us.
Southern housewives #2-#7: (all gasp)
Southern housewife #1: Noooooobody that looked like us! –LaGuardia Airport
Woman: Does anyone have something I could write with?
Mother: I do! One second.
Woman: Great, thanks.
Mother: Be careful, it’s my most favoritest pen. –LaGuardia Overheard by: Jess Kimball
Drunken skinny pretty girl: Why is she so mean? I mean I'm a skinny pretty girl. She should not be mean to me! –Halloween Party, Tribeca Drunken hobo to girl leaving Sephora: Let me tell ya how to look beautiful. Fill ya buckets with money. Bucketfulla money makes ya look beautiful. –17th St Overheard by: Lillian Voice on loudspeaker: Last call for pretty man. Last call to board for pretty man. –LaGuardia Airport Overheard by: Jen 60-something woman to tenor, after La Traviata: Finally, an Alfredo who is good-looking! –Stage Door, Metropolitan Opera Hobo: I was voted best-looking bum by bum weekly 1996. –45th & 3rd
Pilot: Passengers, please move your seat into the least comfortable position. We are now approaching LaGuardia intergalactic airport. I'm your pilot, T.J. Maxx. –JetBlue Airplane Pilot over intercom: We are about to depart, so please turn off your iPhones, Sidekicks, BlackBerrys, Blueberrys, Pinkberrys, Strawberrys and all other mobile devices. Even you, girl in the blue scarf. –LaGuardia Flight Flight attendant: In the meantime we ask that passengers please continue to use oxygen at their leisure. –JFK Bored-looking flight attendant, explaining how to board the plane in order: The letter on your boarding pass stands for the which group you may board with: a, b, or c. The number underneath stands for the amount of money you could save by switching to GEICO. –LaGuardia Airport Overheard by: Frequent Flyer
Blonde chick: So who do you work for?
Guy: I'm a federal air marshal.
Blonde chick: So, um, are you like working? What do you guys do? –LaGuardia Airport
Stewardess: Welcome to New York, and on behalf of United Airlines we'd like to thank you for choosing us. Once again, this really is New York. –La Guardia Airport Pilot: Ladies and gentleman, we're going through some turbulence. Make sure you are seated with your belts fastened. I will get back to you when we start our descent. (noise in the intercom) This is not looking good. –Near JFK Airport Overheard by: We managed to land… Stewardess on flight leaving for Chicago: Now, I realize that most of you have the following safety video memorized. However, you never know if the person sitting next to you is a first time flier, particularly safety-conscious, or an FAA inspector. –La Guardia International Airport Flight attendant, over PA: There will be no smoking aboard this flight. Alaska Airlines is a completely smoke-free airline…and, frankly, it's just bad for your health. –Flight to Newark Airport Overheard by: wink Flight attendant: Sorry, guys, but we're still waiting on one more passenger. (pause) How many of you think we should just leave him? (half the passengers raise their hands) New Yorkers, New Yorkers… –JFK to Ft. Lauderdale Flight
Pilot to copilot: So do you fly these often?
Copilot: No. –LaGuardia Airport