Archive for the ‘Languages’ Category

“I Said Coffee!”

Cashier #1: I felt so bad. She was trying to be so nice to her, but this woman was just horrible.
Cashier #2: What happened?
Cashier #1: She asked her if she wanted a vente mocha frappacino–she was even smiling and stuff when she asked–and then the woman got all mad and said, “Look it, I don’t speak Italian.” –Starbucks, Astor Place

Wednesday-One-Liners Get a Pacific Rim Job

Skinny Asian man to large black woman: You too fat! –4 train Overheard by: LP Cultured concert connoisseur: I think this girl was from California. She spoke Asian and Spanish. –Webster Hall Overheard by: ak Hipster, sitting next to Asian women: Awesome. Asians have tiny asses! –R train, Canal St Overheard by: Matt Hartwick Hipster chick: Asians eat the darndest things. –Lower East Side Overheard by: Lesley Asian fag hag: Of course it doesn’t sound right! I’m a girl doing gay porn! –West Village Overheard by: megan Asian woman suit: I’m really just tired of being a mobster. –Wall St & Nassau Hobo lady to Asian-looking girl: If I speak in your language, will you give me some money? Heeeyyyaaah! Karate chop! –44th St & Lex Overheard by: Made my morning

Wednesday One-Liners Get Schooled

Guy leaving registration line: Yo,son, I'm a fucking college student! –Borough of Manhattan Community College Girl to friend: If I blow off the first day of class to go to Nobu, am I really meant to be an MD? –Nobu Restaurant, Tribeca Crazy guy: School is good! School is very good! You can speak Chinese! You can speak Japanese! (counts to ten in Spanish.) School is good! School is very good! –C Train Overheard by: Emily B. Hipster art student: He keeps giving us too many penis assignments. I don't wanna do another penis assignment. –Pratt Institute Blonde: My mom wants me to look at graduation dresses…yeah, let's see if I get there first. –Austin St, Forest Hills

For One Thing, “Le Penetrator” Sounds a Lot Classier

Drunk girl: So I wouldn't ask you this if I were sober, but I just have to ask. When you…yunno…are you generally the…penetree, or the…penetrant?
Gay guy: Uhm, you mean, the penetrated or the penetrator?
Drunk girl, laughing: Oh, right. Well. Damn. I mean, gay sex is supposed to be better in France, right? –Kittichai Restaurant Overheard by: Brandy

Tower of Babble

Kid: I speak seven different languages.
Mom: The only language you speak is Stupid. –Penn Station Overheard by: Susspect Headline by: Matt Higgins Runners-Up: · “And your Mandarin is conversational at best” – Greg Costello · “Barbara Bush reaches her tipping point.” – Sabrina · “But I got the Vile Cunt accent from you , mom.” – Chuck Roast · “Kill his confidence so you don’t have to pay for Harvard” – Kristin · “Obviously, it’s his “Mother Tongue”” – Big Larry · “The wit of your reply has left me aghast and inarticulate, mother” – Grinning Idiot
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