Archive for the ‘Laptop’ Category

Beware Of Wednesday One-Liner

Girl on cell with dog in her bag: So I was just like "You're a friggin douche!" (pauses and looks in bag) Fuck! My asshole dog just shit in my bag! (takes dog out) Oh my god! It shit in my lap! It's everywhere! Help me, Dana! –D Train Overheard by: Hahahahaaaaa Passerby to young woman tying up about 10 dogs, singing: Who let the dogs out? Who? –E 90th St Six-year-old girl to mother: And then I said, "Oh, Shihtzu!" –Houston & Orchard Overheard by: j Man on cell: I mean, I don't want to compare her to a dog. But, I just don't want to pet that, if you know what I mean. –E 4th St & Lafayette Overheard by: amanda Large scruffy man in deli apron, watching hot Latina: Woof! (pause) Sorry baby, it's just the dog in me. Woof! –2nd Ave & 94th St Fat man to female friend: I don't know that dogs are delicious. Rather, I know that pork is. –Broadway & Chambers St Overheard by: Carolyn S Girl, pointing at Dachshunds: Look, Chihuahuas! –Winter Gardens

Die, Wednesday-One-Liner Scum!

Male yuppie to female yuppie: So milfs are totally in right now. –Starbucks Overheard by: Lolita 20-something male yuppie, surrounded with Starbucks coffee containers and yelling at laptop: It took you six fucking minutes to get to the fucking page! Rawwwr! I'm going to rip you apart, you stupid fucking computer! Rawwr! –Starbucks Yuppie-hipster mom, to sobbing toddler: Yeah, I know, your life is just so tough. –Metro-North Overheard by: It's because those hemp diapers you make her wear chafe like hell. Yuppie woman: This is like the Third World! –8th St & Broadway Overheard by: Sam Chalek

Thug Air Flight Attendants Will Cut a Bitch

Thugette flight attendant, yelling as plane is about to take off: Sir! Turn off yo laptop!
Suit: (holds cord to show it's not plugged in)
Thugette flight attendant: Uh-uh! I can see the reflection in yo glasses.
Suit: (takes off headphones)
Thugette flight attendant: I saaaaid I can see the reflection in yo glasses, turn yo laptop off, turn it off, turn it oooooooooooooff!
Suit: (shuts laptop) –Small Commuter Plane Leaving JFK

Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Playin'

Guy to girl: The point of the game is to make the other person unwittingly look at your genitals. –106th & Amsterdam Ghetto kid to friend: If I was in the middle of sex, I would say I'll come back to you later, play in the poker game, and then come back and bust that nut. –9th St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn Overheard by: Rahstah Worker to partner: You know what I'm going to do since I don't have to work tomorrow? I'm going to turn the volume on my laptop all the way up and play pinball until 1 am. It will be so loud! Ping ping ping ping! –69th & Lexington Overheard by: 6th Floor Blogger Hipster girl on cell: I'm going home to eat and relax first, and then I'll be over to play Tropical Barbie bingo. –Lorimer/Metropolitan, Brooklyn Group of little girls to little boy: Wanna play Mormon family with us? –Brooklyn Botanic Garden Overheard by: James

“So That’s What I Ate for Wednesday One-Liner.”

Skinny, attractive 20-something: Yeah, that’s totally my plan: Get completely smashed every night, eat tons of eggs, then barf them all up. –E. 84th b/w 1st & York Overheard by: Holds her Liquor (and her eggs) Woman in bus on cell: George? George, you there? Oh okay, I’m on my way to the shrink’s office so I can only talk for a little while. Oh no, I’m still not feeling better, I was up all night vomiting like crazy and I’m still ridiculously gassy. Good lord, I should go to a doctor because I also have constant diarrhea. Oh George… –M66 Bus Overheard by: Stephanie Drunk guy: It was incredible. He puked and then he just disappeared. I’ve never seen anything like it. He was like the Criss Angel of puking. –Outside Lombardi’s Overheard by: Rich Girl stumbling back from the bathroom: You guys, we have to leave because I threw up all over the floor and someone saw me. –Horus NYU undergrad: So we were going to have an intervention for her, but when we went to her room, she wasn’t there. So instead we wrote on her laptop, "I’m a douche, I drink too much and throw up." –8th & University