Trendy intern #1: See, this is why I say everyone should carry their laptop everywhere.
Trendy intern #2: Laptop? What? Get an iPhone and then you can keep all your shit in your pocket and be listening to Rihanna.
–6th Ave & 20th St
Archive for the ‘Laptop’ Category
Die, Wednesday-One-Liner Scum!
Male yuppie to female yuppie: So milfs are totally in right now.
–Starbucks
Overheard by: Lolita
20-something male yuppie, surrounded with Starbucks coffee containers and yelling at laptop: It took you six fucking minutes to get to the fucking page! Rawwwr! I'm going to rip you apart, you stupid fucking computer! Rawwr!
–Starbucks
Yuppie-hipster mom, to sobbing toddler: Yeah, I know, your life is just so tough.
–Metro-North
Overheard by: It's because those hemp diapers you make her wear chafe like hell.
Yuppie woman: This is like the Third World!
–8th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Sam Chalek
Beware Of Wednesday One-Liner
Girl on cell with dog in her bag: So I was just like "You're a friggin douche!" (pauses and looks in bag) Fuck! My asshole dog just shit in my bag! (takes dog out) Oh my god! It shit in my lap! It's everywhere! Help me, Dana!
–D Train
Overheard by: Hahahahaaaaa
Passerby to young woman tying up about 10 dogs, singing: Who let the dogs out? Who?
–E 90th St
Six-year-old girl to mother: And then I said, "Oh, Shihtzu!"
–Houston & Orchard
Overheard by: j
Man on cell: I mean, I don't want to compare her to a dog. But, I just don't want to pet that, if you know what I mean.
–E 4th St & Lafayette
Overheard by: amanda
Large scruffy man in deli apron, watching hot Latina: Woof! (pause) Sorry baby, it's just the dog in me. Woof!
–2nd Ave & 94th St
Fat man to female friend: I don't know that dogs are delicious. Rather, I know that pork is.
–Broadway & Chambers St
Overheard by: Carolyn S
Girl, pointing at Dachshunds: Look, Chihuahuas!
–Winter Gardens
Goldfish Go Through This on a Regular Basis
Girl #1, looking at notebook her friend gave her: Hey, that's a cool notebook!
Girl #2: It's yours, silly!
Girl #1: Oh, yeah!
–City College of New York
Overheard by: Just chilling around..
Yeah? I'd Love to Dip My Socks in Your Coffee!
Guy trying to plug laptop charger into outlet: Mind if I sneak this cord between your legs?
Girl near outlet: Sure! That sounds hot! It's the best offer I've gotten all day!
(guy blushes profusely)
–Think Coffee, Mercer St
Overheard by: Carmi
My Cyberstalker Texted Me About It
Little kid with notebook: Mom, what is this called?
Mom: That's a notebook.
Little kid: Notebook! Notebook! I got a notebook! My Facebook! Facebook!
Mom, amused: How do you know about Facebook?
–Downtown 1 Train
Overheard by: Camillia*
That Joke Never Gets Old!
Man: What is iPod? What is laptop?
Girl with headphones, laughing: Good one!
Man: What is iPod? What is laptop?
–B Train
Thug Air Flight Attendants Will Cut a Bitch
Thugette flight attendant, yelling as plane is about to take off: Sir! Turn off yo laptop!
Suit: (holds cord to show it's not plugged in)
Thugette flight attendant: Uh-uh! I can see the reflection in yo glasses.
Suit: (takes off headphones)
Thugette flight attendant: I saaaaid I can see the reflection in yo glasses, turn yo laptop off, turn it off, turn it oooooooooooooff!
Suit: (shuts laptop)
–Small Commuter Plane Leaving JFK
Wednesday One-Liners Are Just Playin'
Guy to girl: The point of the game is to make the other person unwittingly look at your genitals.
–106th & Amsterdam
Ghetto kid to friend: If I was in the middle of sex, I would say I'll come back to you later, play in the poker game, and then come back and bust that nut.
–9th St & 8th Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Rahstah
Worker to partner: You know what I'm going to do since I don't have to work tomorrow? I'm going to turn the volume on my laptop all the way up and play pinball until 1 am. It will be so loud! Ping ping ping ping!
–69th & Lexington
Overheard by: 6th Floor Blogger
Hipster girl on cell: I'm going home to eat and relax first, and then I'll be over to play Tropical Barbie bingo.
–Lorimer/Metropolitan, Brooklyn
Group of little girls to little boy: Wanna play Mormon family with us?
–Brooklyn Botanic Garden
Overheard by: James
“So That’s What I Ate for Wednesday One-Liner.”
Skinny, attractive 20-something: Yeah, that’s totally my plan: Get completely smashed every night, eat tons of eggs, then barf them all up.
–E. 84th b/w 1st & York
Overheard by: Holds her Liquor (and her eggs)
Woman in bus on cell: George? George, you there? Oh okay, I’m on my way to the shrink’s office so I can only talk for a little while. Oh no, I’m still not feeling better, I was up all night vomiting like crazy and I’m still ridiculously gassy. Good lord, I should go to a doctor because I also have constant diarrhea. Oh George…
–M66 Bus
Overheard by: Stephanie
Drunk guy: It was incredible. He puked and then he just disappeared. I’ve never seen anything like it. He was like the Criss Angel of puking.
–Outside Lombardi’s
Overheard by: Rich
Girl stumbling back from the bathroom: You guys, we have to leave because I threw up all over the floor and someone saw me.
–Horus
NYU undergrad: So we were going to have an intervention for her, but when we went to her room, she wasn’t there. So instead we wrote on her laptop, "I’m a douche, I drink too much and throw up."
–8th & University