Archive for the ‘Laughter’ Category

Doesn't Our Friendship Have a Clause That Prohibits You from Singing?

Perplexed girl #1: What is with that guy from Tokyo hotel? Is it a man or woman?
Perplexed girl #2: It's like a shim. I think it's like androgynous… Sort of like Pat!
Perplexed girl #1: Oh my god! That movie was the best! We should totally rent that and laugh hysterically at it. (starts singing) “It's time for androgyny, here come Pat!”

–2nd Ave

Wednesday One-Liners, in Brief.

Man eating ice cream while trying to walk: Beanobeanobeanobeanobeanobeanobeanobeano.

–49th St and 7th Ave Station

Man dressed in green unitard, running in circles: Augghhhhhhhhhh!!! Aughhhhhhhhhh!! Aughhhhhhh!!!!

–Union Square

Moviegoer, after preview for The Blind Side: Blerrrrrrrrrrghhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (vomiting noises, then audience erupts in laughter)

–Regal Battery Park Stadium Movie Theater

Teenage boy, taking gum out of his pocket and looking at it: Scrotum! (puts gum back in pocket and walks away)

–95th St & Madison

Overheard by: Confused

And Given It a Reality Show Called Kirstie Alley's Big Life

Teenage girl: But it's not a squid, it's an octopus.
Father: It's a cephalopod.
Teenage girl: But if it just rose out of the water, all of a sudden, and grabbed hold of the bridge, what would people scream? “Help! It's a giant cephalopod!”?
Father: The more erudite among them would scream that, yes.
Teenage girl: (laughs)
Father: Actually, I think they would just scream, “Aaaarggghhh!”
Teenage girl: Stop it! People are staring!
Father: But I find it hard to believe that something that big could just sneak up on people.
Teenage girl: Yeah. If it existed, they would have found it by now.

–Brooklyn Bridge

…It Was Your First Time, Right?

Police officer #1: They really shouldn't let elderly people in this elevator. It's so hot and there's no air circulation, people pass out in here!
Police officer #2: Well, maybe they should just not go on the elevator. (they laugh)
Police officer #1: But seriously, I had to give three old ladies mouth-to-mouth.
Police officer #2: Well, there's a first time for everything.

–168th St

Third-Wave Feminism Has Been Something Of a Disappointment

Brunette: You and your boyfriend make a cute couple!
Blonde: Ugh! Why do people keep saying that?
Brunette: So why are you with him?
Blonde: Well, you know… Whenever I need a little… (gestures “cash”)
Brunette: Oh! Did I tell you about sugardaddy.com?
Blonde: I made a profile yesterday!
Brunette: Yes!
(girls laugh and high-five)

–6 Train

Overheard by: poor guy

Grandma Saw This at the Drive-in Movie

Girlfriend: She was laughing that her grandmother choked to death on a hot dog.
Boyfriend: A what?
Girlfriend: A hot dog.
Boyfriend: What?
Girlfriend: Her grandmother choked to death on a hot dog.
Boyfriend: Is that a euphemism?

–1 Train

Overheard by: Slooop

5-to-7-Day Liners

Girl: Lisa went down on me while I was on my period. I decided just to roll with it.

–Frying Pan Bar

Professor: Let's all go home and menstruate! My goal in this class is to get all of you on the same schedule.

–NYU

Overheard by: Leslie

Upscale female suit on cell: I'm totally on the rag, but you can still lick my asshole.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: The Trooper

Gay guy on cell: I'm so cranky, I feel like I'm a girl who's on her period and pregnant.

–Park Ave & 29th St

Big black guy, loudly on phone: Why you bitchin at me because I won't cleeeeen behind you? I'm not gonna clean your nasty period ass offa the toilet! (nearby people begin laughing) Bitch, even the people on the streets be laughing at you!

–123rd St & Manhattan Ave

A Picture Speaks a Thousand Wednesday One-Liners.

Father to two toddlers walking with mommy: So your mother offered to take me to The Standard for our anniversary, where we'd pose naked in the windows for all to see. I told your mommy I'm game… Afterwards we'll sell the pictures in Australia, how's that sound?

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: geedee

Hipster, on being mugged: So I'm in the ambulance, but instead of feeling bad about it I took a picture of myself and put it on Twitter.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Girl on cell: Just take nude photos of yourself. Go home. Take off your clothes, stand in front of a mirror, and take pictures.

–23rd St

Slutty-looking hipster chick on phone: My ex boyfriend said that he googled me and found naked pics of me.

–4th Ave & 86th St

Overheard by: bay ridge bitch

Annoying teen girl: He said "You know Limp Bizkit? Well, this is limp dick!" And he sent me a picture of his soft penis and I died laughing on the street!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Wallflower