Archive for the ‘Laughter’ Category

And Laugh About 'em Behind Their Backs

Indian snack counter vendor: What's that on your head, man?
Security guard with ash cross on head, in thick New York accent: It's ash Wednesday.
Indian snack counter vendor, snickering: Okay.
Security guard: Hey, I don't laugh at you guys when you put dots on your heads. You gotta respect other people's beliefs. –9th St & Broadway Overheard by: The Chocolate Muffin Sucked

I Always Preferred Bin Laden Barbie

Older lady #1: He's a very nice guy. He looks like a terrorist, but he's so sweet.
Older lady #2, laughing: Really? Well, that's good.
Older lady #1: Yeah. He's so smart! Really bright, and really good at making you feel comfortable. I was so glad to have him helping us. But he definitely–if you look at him–he's like teddy Taliban. –Waiting Room, NYU Hospital Overheard by: Hector Hamas?

It's Like She Doesn't Think It's Our Business!

Waitress with thick accent: Jennifer Lopez, she pregnant again?
Hostess with equally thick accent: Yes, think so.
Waitress: She never tell anyone!
Hostess: I know, she keeps secret.
Waitress: She go on the talk show. They ask her all the questions. “Are you going to have a baby?” All she do is laugh. She just laugh! She never says anything! She never answers! –Lindy's Resteraunt Overheard by: Chloefron

And No One Got the “Norwegian” Joke

20-something guy, holding long wooden board: Hey, can you spare some change for me and my wood to get a hooker?
Blonde party girl passing by, rubbing wood in sexual way: Oh, I like your wood…
20-something guy: Oh, thank you. (to girl sitting next to him) You'd think someone would give me money just for making them laugh, but no. –St. Mark's b/w 2nd & 3rd Overheard by: TR

Wednesdays Make You Want to Have One-Liners of Your Own

Little white boy to frustrated black nanny who is trying to hail a cab: My daddy always gets a taxi! –Houston & Broadway Overheard by: Dan Little boy: This place is like a dead zoo. –American Museum of Natural History Four-year-old boy: Yo, this sofa is mad comfy! –Used Furniture Store, Staten Island Four-year-old boy: That’s enough, I’m calling Interpol! –A Train Overheard by: Swarles Little girl to mom after terrible Skyride attraction: Mommy, can we never do this again?
(random guy behind her starts laughing) Stop it! Stop laughing at me! –Empire State Building Overheard by: Claire Eight-year-old boy: This museum is inappropriate. –The Metropolitan Museum of Art, Greek & Roman Sculpture Wing Overheard by: Taylor

In Wednesday One-Liners We Trust

Hipster chick: Popping a blister is like smacking god in the face! –Fordham University, Lincoln Center Overheard by: Alice Homeless man on train begging for money by telling jokes: A black man and a white man go into a bar. They get into a fight with each other. And then they die. And then they go to heaven and god says to them: "What it is… what it is!" –1 Train Overheard by: Kristin Girl to friend: I’m gonna have to get ghetto on god! –61st & Broadway Overheard by: lizzerd Homeless man says to homeless woman: Now, these people are trying to hoodwink god! –Seventh Ave & Lincoln Place, Park Slope Overheard by: Annie Professor to students: God is not a drug dealer! –Fordham University

More Like the Martha Stewart, but Why Quibble?

Guy #1: I want to finish on a girl's face one time man, that would be sic!
Guy #2: Amy told me I could do it to her once.
Guy #1: Are you serious!?? I never thought Amy was that hot, but fuck, she just moved up in my books. Was it good?
Guy #2: I couldn't do it. I would do it to a random chick, but not my girlfriend. Every time I kissed her I would only ever think, her face was decorated with my cum.
Guy #1, laughing: Decorated! You sound like the Santa Claus of porn. –Lower East Side