Archive for the ‘Laundromat’ Category

Birthday One-Liners

20-something guy on cell: My girlfriend's birthday is tomorrow. (pause) I don't know. Maybe a bong. –Penn Station Overheard by: Steve Popovich Girl to friend: I just wanted to hook up with him because we had the same birthday. –8th St & 5th Ave Rent cast member (shouting over shoulder): I turn 34 on Friday, I'm old but at least I made it past Jesus. –Nederlander Theatre Woman arguing loudly with her mother in the laundromat: My 30th birthday is gonna be ruined if we don't go to the wax museum! –4th Ave & 14th St, Brooklyn Guy handing out New York Post: Grab your free copy of New York Post, it's free, it's free! Oh, and happy birthday to me today, thank you very much for remembering it! Oh, what a lovely day… –42nd & Madison Overheard by: Eve

Sometimes, Wednesday Uses One-Liners As a Crutch

Man in shorts on cell: Well, I think what happened is he lost his pinky because of the forklift. But that's not the point of this conversation, let's talk about me here. –186th St & Bennet Ave Overheard by: Rina Girl: And she's so awkward on crutches, it's so annoying! –Grand Central Overheard by: MR T Guy on cell: So he tried to kill a roach and broke his knee, and that's why he's on crutches for the rest of summer. –Union Square Mother to young son: Sweetie, don't trip and bust your head open. I don't have no duct tape to put it back together. –Laundromat, 48th St & 10th Ave Blueberry salesman, as woman in crutches hobbles past: You hoppin', but you ain't stoppin'! –Greenmarket

Wednesdays Wet Their One-Liners

Girl: So then I said "mother, I am 20 years old and you cannot tell me I can't go to Wet 'n Wild!" –Central Park Overheard by: Quella Weird chick: Eeeeek! That toilet is flooding! My Payless shoes are getting wet! My beautiful Payless shoes! All this water looks like that movie, The Blob! Oh, I hate you, Steve McQueen! I hate you, I hate you! –Women's Restroom, Port Authority Overheard by: Amber Star Drunk girl to drunker friend who spilled beer on her lap: Again with the vaginal wetness? –LIRR Guy to a girl in laundromat: Why can't you dry your underwear? Is that because they're so used to being wet when you're wearing them? –1st. Ave & 7th St Overheard by: Mike Girl to boy: So about this whole wet dream thingy… –C Train

I'd Love To, Baby, but My Wednesday One-Liner Won't Let Me Date

Train conductor: East Broadway, welcome to Manhattan. Especially you, tourists, you put my wife on the table–I mean, uh…my food. –F Train Overheard by: penelope Petite 30-something washing clothes: Oh, no! His wife's gonna be there. I gotta get some razor blades. –Laundry Mat, Broadway & Bushwick, Brooklyn Overheard by: Matt Middle aged suit to another: So the main problem my girlfriend and I have is that I really get along with my wife. –A Train Overheard by: Suzi Thug to friend: There's just one thing I want people to say about my wife. Not that she's pretty, or that she's nice. I want them to say, "man, that nigga's wife's got a fat ass!" –Grand Concourse Cop to crowd: I suggest you use the other crosswalk, it's less congested. Stay here, risk your life…over there, save your wife! –Radio City Music Hall Man on cell: You don't love your wife?! (pause) Fuck you! –42nd St & 7th Ave Overheard by: Amina

Wednesdays Carry on Behind Their One-Liners' Backs

Guy on cell: You start dating married women, you end up meeting their husbands. –49th & 6th Man on cell (guiltless and disinterested): She said I cheated, duh-duh-duh-duh. –Church St & Barclay Overheard by: Robert J. Anderson Female suit on cell: He cheated on me on my 30th birthday in Nantucket and I called my mom to tell her and she said, "Are you ready to give up that lifestyle? He's wealthy and he's gorgeous. I don't want to hear it." But I want someone to be über-attracted to me. –19th & 8th Overheard by: Sebastian White Dude on cell: Hello? (pause) I told you never to call me on this number. (pause) Because I don't want my wife to find out that we're dating. –6th Ave & 17th St Psuedo-gansta to friend: Yo, I would cheat on my wife except then you gotta buy them flowers and chocolate and shit. I'd rather spend money on my wife and be happy at home. –N Train Girl on cell, doing laundry: Yeah…and then he says that he has a girlfriend and he doesn't cheat on her…so I said, "Really? Then what was your penis just doing in my mouth?" –Laundromat, 9th Ave & 53rd St Overheard by: tinyfoo

Wednesday One-Liners Thought Felicity Huffman Deserved that Oscar

Skater kid: What’s the point of being gay if you like girls who dress like boys? –42nd St, between 7th & 8th Ave Lady on phone: Yeah, she was working at a factory, but she was passing as a man… Well, she didn’t last a week at the factory. –Bus in Lincoln Tunnel TA: We live in a two-gender system of society. There’s no green ‘It’s a hermaphrodite!’ balloon to put out on your front lawn. –NYU Silver Center Overheard by: Limey Chick: I mean, I feel frumpy here. For real. I’m sick of being like, ‘That guy is skinnier than me, has on nicer jeans, and has better makeup.’ –26th St Overheard by: agrees with that girl College student on cell: Great, I’ll see you soon. Can I be dressed as a woman? –114th & Broadway Mom to very young son: Some things are for boys, and some things are for girls. It was cute when you were little, but now it’s time to differentiate. –Target, Atlantic Ave, Brooklyn