Archive for the ‘Leisure’ Category

The Bluebirds Who Usually Do It Have the Day Off

Punk girl: So he said he really wants to get me really drunk again.
Punk friend: Why?
Punk girl: Because he said I’m as cute as a Care Bear.
Friend: What the hell does that mean?
Girl: Um, who cares? That’s so sweet… and I didn’t even sleep with him for it. Now help me push up my tits. –Q Train Overheard by: Ingss

Wednesday Mile-Highliners

Pilot: Passengers, please move your seat into the least comfortable position. We are now approaching LaGuardia intergalactic airport. I'm your pilot, T.J. Maxx. –JetBlue Airplane Pilot over intercom: We are about to depart, so please turn off your iPhones, Sidekicks, BlackBerrys, Blueberrys, Pinkberrys, Strawberrys and all other mobile devices. Even you, girl in the blue scarf. –LaGuardia Flight Flight attendant: In the meantime we ask that passengers please continue to use oxygen at their leisure. –JFK Bored-looking flight attendant, explaining how to board the plane in order: The letter on your boarding pass stands for the which group you may board with: a, b, or c. The number underneath stands for the amount of money you could save by switching to GEICO. –LaGuardia Airport Overheard by: Frequent Flyer

All the Webcam Viewers Laugh, Though.

Annoying comedy ticket seller: Want to see comedians?
Passer by: No.
Annoying comedy ticket seller: Why not? Everyone loves to laugh!
Passer by: Still no, leave me alone.
Annoying comedy ticket seller: Well, if you don't like laughing, what do you do with your spare time?
Passer by, fed up: Masturbate! –42nd & 8th

Hannibal the Wednesday One-Liner

Guy on bench smoking cigarette, on cell: But he has no problem lifting his legs so you can eat his ass. –Central Park Cornrowed boy to cornrowed girl: Stop chewing on me! –1 Train Overheard by: Kelly D Random girl showing a picture to friends: I'm eating the baby's head. It's what I do in my spare time. –College of Staten Island Overheard by: Nameless Woman to another with colored contacts: I just want to eat your eyes! –Elevator, Broadway & 32nd St Four-year-old boy to teenage babysitter: Oh, yeah? I'm gonna bite your vagina! –86th & Broadway Woody Allen lookalike: But buses are so creepy. I mean, what if there are cannibals on the bus? –14th St & 3rd Ave Overheard by: or snakes