Archive for the ‘Leisure’ Category

But Strictly Speaking, They're Broasted

Hipster chick: What do you do for fun when you're not busy with work?
Hipster dude: Set children on fire.
Hipster chick: They still do that in the city? I thought that died down years ago.
Hipster dude: You have to look hard for a good place, but I know one where you can roast small Aryan children for like $2.50 a pop!
Hipster chick: What a deal!
Hipster dude: I know.
Hipster chick: Man, you know where to get all of the good stuff. –4th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Oz

Wednesday One-Liners May Leave a Bad Taste in Your Mouth

Bland middle-aged woman: It's not like you're giving head in the Port Authority bathroom! –Washington Square Park Overheard by: j English tourist: You'll go home and people will ask: "So what did you do on holiday?" You'll reply: "Oh, I gave the Empire State Building a blowjob!" –34th St Guy on cell: Ugh, fuck me in the ass. No… no, not you. Meanie. Why don't you just suck my dick. Suck my dick! –34th Street Dude on cell: It was like getting a blowjob from the inside. –8th Ave & 53rd St Guy on cell: Is that the guy that's been sucking your dick? –81st & Amsterdam Overheard by: Kelley Young guy on cell: And then I said: "I could really use a blowjob right now." She was offended! –48th & Park Young black man to friend: Just because she sucks my dick doesn't make her Oprah Winfrey. –B48 Bus

Wednesday A1 Liners

Crazy hobo: Taco Bell is outta meat. Taco Bell… Is outta meat. I ask for a taco, they say, "We outta meat." What the fuck!? How you run outta meat at Taco Bell? You don't see me runnin' outta weed! Shit. Taco Bell is outta meat. –Wendy's, 14th Street Overheard by: Zack Curious teenage girl: What is that on the floor? Ew! I hate when people leave bags of meat on the subway! –R Train Jewish lawyer, answering his desk phone: Weinstein's house of kosher pork. How may I direct your call? –Newsroom, Midtown Preppy teen: I am like, a total whore for salami. –280th St, Brooklyn Overheard by: casayoto Woman on cell talking about her upcoming weekend: Mah husband's gone, my kids is gone, I'm jus' goin' lie on the floor and eat some baloney. Mmm hmm. (pauses, listens to person on phone) Das' right. I'm gonna eat some baloney, and some cheese?-I'm goin' make myself a baloney sandwich. –4th St Station Overheard by: Jess

Joan Rivers: Can We Wednesday One-Liner?

Suit on cell: So what does he think, he’s going to, like, eat scrambled eggs with these people and then they’ll sit down and talk about it? –Shore Road, Brooklyn Yankee fan: So, we was talkin’ to him and we was all like: "Let’s go to a bar!" And he was all like: "I like poetry" so the guys pretty much ditched him, so I was left with ‘im, and had to talk about his feelings and shit. It sucked. –Yankee Stadium Overheard by: I like poetry. Religious flier nut to friend: We can’t talk about that out here because then they’ll know what we’re about. –Delancey and Ludlow Overheard by: Adrienne Student (shouting): Okay, everyone: I’m doing this whole "day of silence" business so none of you better talk to me! I’m not supposed to say anything and I will be so pissed if anyone of you trick me into talking! –Millennium High School Overheard by: I’m staying silent… Hysterical teenage girl on bus: Well, maybe you should have talked about it before you conceived me! –M34 Bus Overheard by: nina Curly-haired chick on cell: I’m glad I can talk to you about my pubes with such ease. –Harlem Overheard by: Nipples McFreaky