Archive for the ‘Leisure’ Category

I’d Ask You Out If Either of Us Had the Energy to Follow Through with It

Hipster boy: He’s such a fucking loser — he just has to admit it. I mean, I’m a loser, and I’m fine with it.
Hipster girl #1: Yeah, it sucks to be a loser and not be cool with him.
Hipster girl #2: I never leave the house anymore.
Hipster boy: Me neither. Last week I bought an antennae for my TV, and sweatpants and weed. I only left the house today because I ran out of milk.
Hipster girl #1: Awesome.

–A train

And What Part Will the Helmet Play in That?

Nerdy hipster to friends: You want nerdy? You know what I did today? I worked on this robot helmet I’m making on my floor. Yep, a robot helmet complete with LED lights — for my girlfriend. See? That’s love right there.
Girlfriend, explaining: I told him we could have butt sex.
Nerdy hipster, emphatically: But not until I finish the helmet!

–L train

Wednesday One-Liners Say the Darndest Things

Little boy to mail woman: FedEx is better than you!

–80th & West End

Little girl with hands on bull’s balls: Mommy, Mommy! Take a picture of me! I’m going to milk it!

–Wall St Bull

Four-year-old girl, referring to bull’s balls: Touch ‘em, Daddy, touch ‘em!

–Wall St Bull

Seven-year-old girl, hopping furiously on one leg: My legs are confusing me!

–Corson Ave, Staten Island

Overheard by: Matt

Young boy to mother: I wish you would stop blaming me for all of your life’s problems!

–40th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jay

Get a Life, Wednesday One-Liners!

Conductor: This is your second chance for the A Train. Not so many times in life do you get a second chance. A Train — across the platform.

–C train, 42nd St

Overheard by: deb

Tall black woman: Beyoncé! That bitch! She stole my life!

–PATH, 14th St

Overheard by: Adam A

Suit: You know, I made up my mind to eat Ritz crackers for the rest of my life, and dammit, I’m gonna enjoy it!

–54th & Park

Overheard by: fellow ritz lover

Chick: Then someone put on Linkin Park — can you believe that? I had to just go in the back and smell some pretty soap and pretend I know what I’m doing with my life.

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: dave !

Commuter student: Yeah, you know, I want to have a life. I want to get my nails done.

–NYU

Overheard by: because really, what more is there to life?