Archive for the ‘Lesbians’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Here, They’re Queer, They’re Not Going Anywhere

Woman: And you are not a lesbian either! You are only gay on weekends. –Union Square Overheard by: Adam Bozarth Teen girl: I know Jimmy’s not gay because he stole my girlfriend. –R train Preacher: Mark my words–by sunrise you will be smothered in lesbians. –53rd & 5th Overheard by: Kaleena Thoughtful guy: I always thought that if I were gay I’d be the manlier one. But now that I think about it I’d want to be the girly one for all the free stuff. –26th & 1st Overheard by: Charles Guy on cell: Wait…Christ! It’s gayer than three snaps in Z formation in here. –The Hangar, Christopher St Overheard by: TK Midwestern guy: That is complete bullshit! How do you make a dog gay? –Century 21 Teen girl: It’s funny talking to him now. I mean, in the eighth grade we knew he was gay, but not take-it-up-the-butt gay. –Uptown 1 train

Do You Take This Wednesday to Be Your Lawfully Wedded One-Liner?

Grad student: Translation: Will you marry me? Or: I don’t want germs. –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Dude: … My wedding [mumble] gonna take away my clothes, so I’m going to need a tear-away tuxedo. –53rd & Broadway Overheard by: Jo Chick to another: Yeah, he’s the one who wouldn’t marry her because she was too pale. –Starbucks Blonde: … And I’m really not sure, because he said he shouldn’t unless we are married, but that it’s okay, we could just do it and then he could just confess his sins or something like that… –Broadway & Prince Overheard by: Dan Lesbian to group: So, what is the reason behind getting married, besides pretending to be heterosexual? Exactly — presents! –Party, Brooklyn Overheard by: Jude

This Time We’ll Watch Softball and Drink Beer

Girl #1: Oh my gosh, this is so cool.
Girl #2: I know. [Smiles.]
Girl #1: Thanks for bringing me here, I love you. I am so glad I became a lesbian, if I wasn’t I wouldn’t have met you!
Girl #2: Aww, thanks. Do you want to go to my apartment now?
Girl #1: Yes! Let’s go. Are we going to have fun like we did last night?
Girl #2: Even more, baby. –M&M Store, Times Square

As Good a Jew As You Are a Baptist, Sweetie

Ghetto black lesbian: Look, you are Time Magazine’s Person of the Year.
Jewish lesbian: That is so lame.
Ghetto black lesbian, picking up a card instead: What does ‘shalom’ mean? Does anybody know what ‘shalom’ means?
Jewish lesbian: You are asking the wrong Jew.
Ghetto black lesbian: What kind of Jew are you? What good are you? –Duane Reade, Broadway & Reade Overheard by: Just trying to buy some cards

The Protocols of the Elders of Lesbos

Lesbian chick #1: …so that’s why I’m in favor of putting birth control in the water.
Lesbian chick #2: How does that work?
Lesbian chick #1: What do you mean? You just put it in the water.
Lesbian chick #2: But what if they don’t go in the water?
Lesbian chick #1: …no, the drinking water.
Lesbian chick #2: Oh. That makes more sense. Sorry, I don’t know how those straight people do these things. –F train

May/December Wednesday One-liners

Girl: Man, this old dyke is digging on me, but I want some penis
these days. –3rd between B & C Guy: Man, old pussy is the best! She has 50 years of dick sucking experience. –124th & Manhattan Overheard by: Jason Steinhauer Queer on cell: Ever since I lost my hair I’ve had 20 year olds chasing me around like I’m an ice cream cone. –LIRR Overheard by: Squatporpoise Girl: Oh yeah, that guy you saw me with Sunday? He lets me watch him have sex with boys. –NYU School of social work Overheard by: Maggie