Archive for the ‘Lesbians’ Category

It Makes Me Horny. You Wouldn't Like Me When I'm Horny

Straight girl: Oooohhh, you know who has the best tits? Isabella Rossellini. Great, great tits.
Gay guy: Oh, you're right! I didn't even think of her.
Straight girl: I don't know how someone her age can have tits that great.
Gay guy: Yeah, if your tits are half that good when you turn her age, you should die a happy woman.
Lesbian: Dear god, why are we talking about Isabella Rossellini's tits on the subway? For that matter, why are we talking about them anywhere?! –N Train

Ta-Tas Prove Nothing in This Neighborhood, Mon Ami

Foreign girl #1 to lesbian entering ladies' room: I'm sorry, this is a ladies' room.
Lesbian: I'm a woman.
Foreign girl #1: Oh my god, I'm so sorry! That's the worst thing I've ever done!
Foreign girl #2, coming out of stall: Wait, no. You're so not a woman!
Lesbian: You wanna see the ta-tas? –Sidewalk Bar, 6th & Ave A

Wednesday One-Liners Should Not Be Taken If You Are Pregnant or Nursing

Kid to friend: Is your dad in town? I need Ambien CR. –Saatchi & Saatchi, Hudson St Overheard by: dlr Guy on cell: No, they never came. [Pause.] I just never got them! [Pause.] I told you you can’t just send random pills through the mail! –Strawberry Fields, Central Park Strung out middle-aged lesbian: How long does that detox stuff take to work? I need to be clean of the Xanax by my doctor’s appointment next week. He knows I’m on meth, but he can’t find out I’m on Xanax. –E Train Worried suit: …But I can’t be on Zoloft, so I don’t know what to do. –E 14th St Patient to friend: He asked for an Ensure. He got an Ambien instead. –NYS Psychiatric Institute Overheard by: nonrandomerror Suit: Her meds worked better this audition season -you could tell. –Oriental Garden

Wednesday One-Liners Embrace the Stereotype

Queer: I don't want someone to fuck me with their stoma! –11th St & 6th Ave Overheard by: Amanda Gay guy: That girl is such a Rice Krispie. –Outside Gristedes, Christopher St Overheard by: McF Queer on cell: And I said to him, "Take it like the bottom you are!" –8th St & 23rd St Gay guy: I just got pounded by the two hottest guys I've ever seen! –58th & 9th Gay man (getting his hair cut by another): So we went to Fire Island this weekend and we went to this party. I said, "Patrick, you better pee on Jon right now to mark your territory." –57th & 7th Gay man on cell: Oh, morals disappear after 8pm! –Amsterdam & 83rd