Lesbian #1: I'm going to eat your face off.
Lesbian #2: Oh!
Lesbian #1: I'm going to eat your face off and it's going to taste like flesh.
–NYC Pride Parade
Overheard by: Rachel
Archive for the ‘Lesbians’ Category
Um, Have You *Seen* Jackass?
French lesbian: Martin Luther king, was he white?
American lesbian: No. He was black!
French lesbian: Oh I always get him confused with that other president who was the cripple.
American lesbian: Martin Luther king wasn't ever a president.
French lesbian: God! But they have a day for him anyway? America is so pretentious!
–East Village
Ooo, or a Prada Bag!
Queer #1: So, what do you want to do tonight?
Queer #2: I don't know, what do you want to do?
Queer #1: I want to have sex tonight!
Queer #2: You want to have sex with me!
Queer #1: No, with a stranger!
Queer #2: Well…we could put a brown bag over my head!
–17th & 7th Cafeteria
And Her Uvula
Flamboyant gay man: This is like when we saw Equus.
Lesbian biker chick: Oh, I forgot you saw that! How was it?
Flamboyant gay man: It was good. Except the actress puts her leg up on the horse like this (demonstrates by lifting his leg in the air) and I could totally see her tonsils…through her vajayjay.
–E Train
Overheard by: Sarah
Two Men and a Booby
Screaming deranged lesbian to gay leathermen: Who's the titty toucher?
(bewildered looks all around, then a gay leatherman sheepishly raises hand)
Screaming deranged lesbian: Here's a 10% coupon! Thanks for the titty grope!
–The Leatherman Store
And My Ass… *Squeaky* Clean
Queer on blanket: Babe, I can totally have a drink of your water. I don't have gonorrhea anymore. My mouth is clean.
Woman: Ew!
–Central Park
Overheard by: Keith
Wednesday One-Liners Double Their Pleasure, Double Their Fun
65-year-old lady, in bikini top and Daisy Duke shorts, with belly hanging over: Of course I am bisexual…can't you see the view?"
–49th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: NATE MATHIS
Girl to guy: You can't be bisexual and married, John. That's, like, illegal!
–50th b/w 8th & 9th
Australian chic at bar: It's weird though, he reminds me so much of my ex-girlfriend.
–Mexican Restaruant, Lower East Side
Loud girl on cell: No, I did him, it was so good. (pause) Yeah, I fucked her too, she loved it.
–Hillside & Edgerton
Drunk lesbian: Why can't you be a girl or at least have a really big dick?
–Bowery Ballroom
She Put the Lime in Her Coconut, and I Drank 'em Both Up
Lesbian: Rachel's dying her hair again, she's going back to redhead. She's so dedicated! Every time she changes her hair color she makes sure she does the whole job, just for me!
Friend: Uh, doesn't one usually do the “whole job” when dying hair?
Lesbian: No, no, I mean she dyes *down there*, you know?
Friend: Ah, right, gotcha. (pause) Uh, wasn't she lime green last month?
–F Train
Thank God My People Have Never Had to Face Discrimination Like That
Queer to friend: What sign are you?
Friend: Leo.
Queer: Oh, good. I decided that I am going to base what I think of people based on their astrological signs, and I hate Geminis. Like, if I adopt a baby and it's a Gemini I'm going to give it back!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: poor kid
Wednesday One-Liners Embrace the Stereotype
Queer: I don't want someone to fuck me with their stoma!
–11th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Amanda
Gay guy: That girl is such a Rice Krispie.
–Outside Gristedes, Christopher St
Overheard by: McF
Queer on cell: And I said to him, "Take it like the bottom you are!"
–8th St & 23rd St
Gay guy: I just got pounded by the two hottest guys I've ever seen!
–58th & 9th
Gay man (getting his hair cut by another): So we went to Fire Island this weekend and we went to this party. I said, "Patrick, you better pee on Jon right now to mark your territory."
–57th & 7th
Gay man on cell: Oh, morals disappear after 8pm!
–Amsterdam & 83rd