Archive for the ‘Lesbians’ Category

And to Have One’s Reese’s Eaten

Girl #1: So after all that, can’ t you understand why I’m pretty much a full-fledged lesbian now?
Girl #2: In a way, but I think you could still be into guys. I have a hard time believing you don’t have feelings for Jarrod.
Girl #1: No, I really don’t. That’s done.
Girl #2: I totally support you. I just think, you know, there’s more than one way to eat a Reese’s.
Girl #1: Exactly. –Metro North Overheard by: ianbobian

Tunneldumb and Tunneldumber

Lesbian #1: The G train always takes so long between stops, especially since it’s not going in a tunnel.
Lesbian #2: But it does go through a tunnel.
Lesbian #1: Yeah, but I mean a tunnel under water.
Lesbian #2: Oh, yeah, okay, it’s not going under water.
Lesbian #1: I always wondered how they make those tunnels.
Lesbian #2: They have one of those machines, that goes in circles.
Lesbian #1: Oh, okay…
Lesbian #2: You know, the one that goes in circles really quickly?
Lesbian #1: Yeah… [Pause] But when they build the tunnel in the water, does it go in the water, or under the water?
Lesbian #2: Under the water.
Lesbian #1: Oh, right. –G train

Frankly, I Only Talk to You Because You Pay Me

Woman in therapy: So I don't know, I really liked her.
Therapist: Well, did you talk to her about it?
Woman: No, the bitch doesn't call me anymore, she does yoga now. We used to go to Star Trek conventions together, but she stopped talking to me. I don't even care about that bitch anymore.
Therapist: You know, she's not a bitch just because she doesn't want to talk to you!
Woman: Yes she is, I don't even care. –Forest Hills Overheard by: They need a sound machine

Wednesday One-Liners Calculate the Circular Pigmented Area

Coed: When my nipple-hairs pop up, that means I'm done. –Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle Hobo to tiny sexy Asian girl wearing tank top on chilly day: Two nipples for a dime? –9th Ave & 14th St Cute gay chick on cell: I am aware that it's pride month, but I still like to keep sharp objects away from my nipples. My gay forefathers did not fight at Stonewall so that I might wear body jewelry. –4th Ave & 11th St, Brooklyn Mother to little boy: Those are not meant to be shown in public; nipples are private things. –A Train Overheard by: g-lime Crazy guy, yelling: When I see my nipples in the mirror, I look away! –Bedford Ave Overheard by: Zach Rock Steady

Wednesday One-Liner: The Musical

Girl to class: I love classical music! I listen to the Bambi soundtrack all the time! –Curtis High School, Staten Island Guy in lobby, at intermission: Hands down, the best band I've ever seen in concert… Hootie and the Blowfish. –Jazz at Lincoln Center Guy on cell: I guess they're musicians. They put bitches ahead of practice. –79th St b/w York & 1st Overheard by: Queixa Gay man to another, walking out of a bank: I mean, if you listen to like, one Sade song every six years, it's okay. –15th St & 8th Ave Lesbian: Fuck her! All she wants to do is stay home and sit in the kitchen and drink beer and listen to Melissa Etheridge! Fuck her! She can take a cab home! –Staten Island Overheard by: Kateri Straight girl with a seat at the piano: No, I've never been here before, but I'm actually having a good time. I mean, I don't know most of these songs, but earlier he was playing The Sound of Music, and I was rocking out to that. –Marie's Crisis Piano Bar Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster Crazy old cat lady to guy who just shut off obnoxiously loud music in next lane: Why'd you shut it off? I liked that song! –Marathon Parkway & Northern Boulevard