Archive for the ‘Liars’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners, Misrepresent!

Woman on cell: I’m in the subway station right now. Yeah, I’m in the subway. See you soon.

–Urban Outfitters dressing room, 14th & 6th

Scruffy guy yelling into cell: Listen, man! I told you, I can’t make it. I’m in the middle of traffic in Queens… Yeah! On the fucking BQE!

–Union St & 5th Ave, Park Slope

Overheard by: Grant

Woman on phone: I gotta go — I’m at Weight Watchers.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Bayside

Overheard by: Sara Swank

Suit on cell: Yo, I’m in Weehawken right now.

–Duane Reade, 34th & 8th

Overheard by: gilmoregirl77

Resident on phone: I am just parking the car now — I should be home in 10 minutes.

–NY Presbyterian, 9th floor

Guy on cell: I’m sick today, I’m not coming in… I just got out of bed. [Cabs honk.] Maybe I’ll get in later…

–Outside Penn Station

Guy on cell: Hi, honey, how are you? I’m just here studying at the library… [Getting flustered] No, when Alex says he’s at the library he’s at the bar. When I say I’m at the library, I’m at the library. You know I don’t lie to you.

–Outside bar patio, Four Faced Liar, W 4th

What Good Is Money If It Can’t Insulate Me from Other People?

Hobo: I have not eaten anything in three days and it’s freezing out. Could you find it in your heart to help me out?
Chick: I won’t give you money, but I will go into that deli and buy you dinner.
Hobo: Thank you so much. But I’m Jewish and if you don’t mind, I would really like a kosher sandwich from Mendy’s.
Chick: Oh, forget it — here’s five bucks!

–34th & Park

Secrets and Wednesday One-Liners

Man on phone: I’m not saying it’s your fault. I am saying you’re a liar, but I’m not saying it’s your fault!

–10th & Broadway

Raving man with large headphones: The myth that once you have high blood pressure you have it for life is a lie! It’s a lie from the pit of hell!

–Bx15 bus

Girl on phone: Oh, no! That’s awful! I’m running! [Keeps walking slowly.]

–12th & 3rd

Lady suit on cell: Yeah, I’m at home. I’m not even dressed yet.

–Kinko’s, Court St, Brooklyn

Girl on cell: Mommy! My fake works! My fake ID!

–19th & 6th

Overheard by: A. Pincus

Lady on cell: No, Jack, we had six lovely kids… Just because we’re getting a divorce doesn’t mean our marriage was a complete waste of time. Anyway, yeah, I have to board my plane now… Bye [plays games on phone for 10 minutes].

–LaGuardia airport

Chick on cell walking down street: I’m already inside, dickhead!

–Mott St, Chinatown

Wanna Buy a Bridge?

Old man picks loose string off back of woman’s coat: You’ve got something there… Ah, now you’re perfect!
Woman: Oh, well, thank you!
Old man: You believe that and you’ll believe anything.

–Stromboli’s Pizza, St. Mark’s & 1st Ave

Overheard by: shankalicious

Headline by: greg

· “Like Creationism…” – Drew
· “Now hold still while I examine you for breast cancer” – Zorak
· “On an unrelated note, my penis cures cancer” – Wes Mantooth
· “Puppetmaster IV: The Rude Awakening” – Chris
· “That’s What God Said To Adam & Eve, Too” – fritzy

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Unfortunately, the Crime Scene Had Already Been Thoroughly Dusted

Young woman: You felt me up while I was asleep!
Lying man: How do you know, if you were asleep?
Young woman: You stuck your fingers in my pussy while I was asleep!
Lying man: Why would I do that? There’s nothing in there that I was looking for.
Lying man’s lawyer: Come on, don’t argue with her.
Young woman: If they find your fingerprints in my pussy you’re going to jail, motherfucker!
Lying man, taunting: What if I wore gloves?
Young woman: Hear that? He confessed!

–Hallway, Supreme Court, Bronx

Overheard by: Big Larry