Archive for the ‘Liars’ Category

What Good Is Money If It Can’t Insulate Me from Other People?

Hobo: I have not eaten anything in three days and it’s freezing out. Could you find it in your heart to help me out?
Chick: I won’t give you money, but I will go into that deli and buy you dinner.
Hobo: Thank you so much. But I’m Jewish and if you don’t mind, I would really like a kosher sandwich from Mendy’s.
Chick: Oh, forget it — here’s five bucks!

–34th & Park

Secrets and Wednesday One-Liners

Man on phone: I’m not saying it’s your fault. I am saying you’re a liar, but I’m not saying it’s your fault!

–10th & Broadway

Raving man with large headphones: The myth that once you have high blood pressure you have it for life is a lie! It’s a lie from the pit of hell!

–Bx15 bus

Girl on phone: Oh, no! That’s awful! I’m running! [Keeps walking slowly.]

–12th & 3rd

Lady suit on cell: Yeah, I’m at home. I’m not even dressed yet.

–Kinko’s, Court St, Brooklyn

Girl on cell: Mommy! My fake works! My fake ID!

–19th & 6th

Overheard by: A. Pincus

Lady on cell: No, Jack, we had six lovely kids… Just because we’re getting a divorce doesn’t mean our marriage was a complete waste of time. Anyway, yeah, I have to board my plane now… Bye [plays games on phone for 10 minutes].

–LaGuardia airport

Chick on cell walking down street: I’m already inside, dickhead!

–Mott St, Chinatown

Wanna Buy a Bridge?

Old man picks loose string off back of woman’s coat: You’ve got something there… Ah, now you’re perfect!
Woman: Oh, well, thank you!
Old man: You believe that and you’ll believe anything.

–Stromboli’s Pizza, St. Mark’s & 1st Ave

Overheard by: shankalicious


Headline by: greg


Runners-Up:
· “Like Creationism…” – Drew
· “Now hold still while I examine you for breast cancer” – Zorak
· “On an unrelated note, my penis cures cancer” – Wes Mantooth
· “Puppetmaster IV: The Rude Awakening” – Chris
· “That’s What God Said To Adam & Eve, Too” – fritzy




Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Unfortunately, the Crime Scene Had Already Been Thoroughly Dusted

Young woman: You felt me up while I was asleep!
Lying man: How do you know, if you were asleep?
Young woman: You stuck your fingers in my pussy while I was asleep!
Lying man: Why would I do that? There’s nothing in there that I was looking for.
Lying man’s lawyer: Come on, don’t argue with her.
Young woman: If they find your fingerprints in my pussy you’re going to jail, motherfucker!
Lying man, taunting: What if I wore gloves?
Young woman: Hear that? He confessed!

–Hallway, Supreme Court, Bronx

Overheard by: Big Larry

Boredom, Mostly

Janitor: I’m sorry, ma’am, you can’t wear boots on the equipment.
20-something woman wearing Uggs on elliptical machine: But these are orthopedic boots!
Janitor: I’m sorry, but it’s against policy to wear the boots on the machines.
20-something woman wearing Uggs: Why are you doing this to me?

–Dodge YMCA, Atlantic Ave

Cut Your Losses and Run!

Girl: Oh my god! That guy over there across the street — I went out with him last Saturday! We made plans for this weekend, and when I asked him what was up he told me he had to go home to Long Island ’cause his grandmother was sick.
Guy friend: The one with his arm around that girl? Clearly, he was lying.
Girl: No shit. C’mon, let’s cross the street.

They cross the street.

Girl: Oh my god! Alex*! Wow, this is funny.
Alex: Oh… Jenny*… Hi… What are you doing here?

Introductions are made all around.

Jenny: So, how’s your grandmother? I take it you saw her this weekend?
Girl with Alex: Yeah, Alex, how is your grandmother? You saw her two weekends in a row? You are quite the devoted grandson.
Jenny’s guy friend: Dude, you are so fucked.

–Lower East Side

Wednesday One-Liners Say It, But They Don’t Really Mean It

Queer to hipster chick: Honey, you’re not a hipster! … I’m sorry I said that.

–New School University

Overheard by: smoon

Hobo: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you could help me out. If you could give me just one penny, I’d really appreciate it. [Yuppie woman hands him a quarter.] I asked for one penny. You gave me 24 cents too much [hands the quarter back and walks away].

–Brooklyn-bound F train

Conservatively-dressed lady: I’m so sorry! My birth canal was showing!

–Atlantic Ave & Clinton St

Overheard by: amalthya & schizo

Dude on cell: I didn’t know you wanted to become priest… What?! You have to go through all that shit just to be a deacon?! My god! … Sorry man, I didn’t mean it like that…

–Union Square

Man on cell: I’m sorry, but I’m in New Jersey right now… When? Okay, Monday night… Of course I’ll be there, you have my word.

–M14 bus, Ave A

Lady suit: Now I am totally sorry I stalked you — it was so not worth the effort.

–47-50 Rockefeller Center train station

Overheard by: SandmanEsq