Archive for the ‘Liars’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Say It, But They Don’t Really Mean It

Queer to hipster chick: Honey, you’re not a hipster! … I’m sorry I said that.

–New School University

Overheard by: smoon

Hobo: Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen. I’m sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if you could help me out. If you could give me just one penny, I’d really appreciate it. [Yuppie woman hands him a quarter.] I asked for one penny. You gave me 24 cents too much [hands the quarter back and walks away].

–Brooklyn-bound F train

Conservatively-dressed lady: I’m so sorry! My birth canal was showing!

–Atlantic Ave & Clinton St

Overheard by: amalthya & schizo

Dude on cell: I didn’t know you wanted to become priest… What?! You have to go through all that shit just to be a deacon?! My god! … Sorry man, I didn’t mean it like that…

–Union Square

Man on cell: I’m sorry, but I’m in New Jersey right now… When? Okay, Monday night… Of course I’ll be there, you have my word.

–M14 bus, Ave A

Lady suit: Now I am totally sorry I stalked you — it was so not worth the effort.

–47-50 Rockefeller Center train station

Overheard by: SandmanEsq

Wednesday One-Liners Refuse A Polygraph

Guy: Yeah, and he lied to me about dying, too!

–Bedford Ave, Brooklyn

Girl: So what is your name going to be tonight?

–6th Ave & 57th St

Queer on cell: She tried to tell me that I was fatter than him — that muthafucka is the worst liar in the world!

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: She was probably right…

Guy: I just told her, ‘Keep on fakin’ those orgasms!’

–7th Ave & 32nd St

Suit on cell in McDonald’s: Yeah, well, I’m in Connecticut right now…

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Blaine

Conductor: There’s another local train directly behind this one. I would never lie to you.

–W train to Astoria

Overheard by: MissPinkKate

Man exiting taxi: If anyone asks, we walked!

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Kyle

The Speed of Information Through Fat Is Drastically Reduced

Hobo, carrying huge duffel bag: I need money to get to Boston to visit my son. Can anyone give me money?
Lady: Here’s 20 dollars for your ticket. Also, do you think you could run upstairs and get me a Snapple?
Hobo: Sure, lady. Thanks so much.

Hobo ditches duffel bag.

Lady, 20 minutes later: Well, I guess he’s not coming back!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: cynic

He’s Also Homer Simpson, Apparently

Barista guy: You can’t bring that dog in here.
Dude: What kind of coffee do you have today?
Barista guy: I’m not telling you what kind of coffee we have until you get that dog out of here.
Dude: No really, what kind of coffee do you have today?
Barista guy: Is that a working dog?
Dude: Yeah…
Barista guy: Are you blind?
Dude: Yeah… –Starbucks, 47th & 3rd Overheard by: Cait