Archive for the ‘Liars’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Refuse A Polygraph

Guy: Yeah, and he lied to me about dying, too!

–Bedford Ave, Brooklyn

Girl: So what is your name going to be tonight?

–6th Ave & 57th St

Queer on cell: She tried to tell me that I was fatter than him — that muthafucka is the worst liar in the world!

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: She was probably right…

Guy: I just told her, ‘Keep on fakin’ those orgasms!’

–7th Ave & 32nd St

Suit on cell in McDonald’s: Yeah, well, I’m in Connecticut right now…

–Astoria, Queens

Overheard by: Blaine

Conductor: There’s another local train directly behind this one. I would never lie to you.

–W train to Astoria

Overheard by: MissPinkKate

Man exiting taxi: If anyone asks, we walked!

–Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Kyle

The Speed of Information Through Fat Is Drastically Reduced

Hobo, carrying huge duffel bag: I need money to get to Boston to visit my son. Can anyone give me money?
Lady: Here’s 20 dollars for your ticket. Also, do you think you could run upstairs and get me a Snapple?
Hobo: Sure, lady. Thanks so much.

Hobo ditches duffel bag.

Lady, 20 minutes later: Well, I guess he’s not coming back!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: cynic

He’s Also Homer Simpson, Apparently

Barista guy: You can’t bring that dog in here.
Dude: What kind of coffee do you have today?
Barista guy: I’m not telling you what kind of coffee we have until you get that dog out of here.
Dude: No really, what kind of coffee do you have today?
Barista guy: Is that a working dog?
Dude: Yeah…
Barista guy: Are you blind?
Dude: Yeah… –Starbucks, 47th & 3rd Overheard by: Cait