Archive for the ‘Library’ Category

Dude, Would You Please Cowboy Up?

Desperate law student: But I love you!
Heartless biotech: That’s your problem, not mine.
Desperate law student: I can’t live without you.
Heartless biotech: So don’t.
Desperate law student: You wouldn’t even care if I killed myself, would you?
Heartless biotech: Not unless you decided to do it in front of my house and I had to have police and the media there. Then I’d be pissed.
Desperate law student: How can you be so cruel to someone who loves you so much?
Heartless biotech: Oh, just one thing — if you do decide to kill yourself try to do it the week of August sixth, ’cause I’ll be in Martha’s Vineyard with Jason then.

–Brooklyn Law School library

Overheard by: Big Larry – cringing with empathy

Wednesday One-Liners Suffer the Heartache of Gringo Hips

Four-year-old girl to nanny: No, princesses don't get tickled. They just dance and get married.

–North Williamsburg

Overheard by: anti-feminist

White girl in hoodie: If I see any of the other girls there want to dance with you they'd better watch out, 'cause it's stab-a-slut Sunday.

–J Train

Short guy with greasy hair: Yo, this girl was like, "wanna dance?" and I was like "okay," so she started dancing mad good. She was grinding up against me with her ass.

–3rd Ave & 71st, Brooklyn

Gay guy on cell in long line during Circuit City closeout: Does it have speakers? Because I like to dance in my room, and I like to feel the music. It's really cold, so I like to dance in my room, you know?

–Circuit City, Union Square

Drunk girl to Guido she knocked heads with while dancing: I'm a drinker, not a dancer!

–Hook & Ladder Pub, Murray Hill

Overheard by: also a drinker

Professor: I'm of the personal opinion that anything counts for art. Take, for example, Nelly's "Hot in Here." We have an admonition of certain weather conditions and an entreaty for certain members of a demographic to react within a certain way, and a compliant voice replies, "I am getting so hot, I'm gonna take my clothes off." This piece of art demonstrates how much easier life would be if getting a woman naked was that easy. And also, it makes me dance, and as we know, hips don't lie.

–NYU Bobst Library

Overheard by: queenofscots

Wednesday One-Liners: Guaranteed to Rot Your Teeth.

20-something women in yoga gear, simultaneously: It was like a blessing in cake form.

–Astor Place

Girl: I'm too single to eat a brownie.

–NYU Library

Guy on cell: Soft Serve is so good, you will step in dog poop and not even care!

–14th St b/w 7th & 8th

Serious guy on his way out of restaurant, to girl: So all we need are aspirin and Skittles.

–Angelo's Pizza

Assertive little boy in shopping cart seat, grabbing mom's face: I want to buy a chocolate croissant and eat it. Do you understand what I'm saying?

–Food Coop, Park Slope

Overheard by: Jenny

Look, Forget I Brought It Up

Male law student: You know who I feel sorry for?
Female law student: Who?
Male law student: A black guy with a small dick.
Female law student: Why?
Male law student: Because the expectations are so much higher.
Female law student: You mean, like, with you it’s just expected, right?
Male law student: Not me. I’m hung like… like a black guy.
Female law student: You mean like the black guy who isn’t well-hung?

–Brooklyn Law School library

Overheard by: Big Larry

And on Your Left— Wednesday One-Liners!

Kid to another: And then, when you're 45, we can be tour guides.

–West Village

Overheard by: of bugle be uncouth

Tour guide: This tour will be in English, we have tour pamphlets in several other languages. If you are a non English speaking passenger, this announcement is of no use to you.

–Circle Line Harbor Lights Cruise

Overheard by: Trixie

Overexcited bespectacled tour guide leader to group of uninterested parents: So! That's the great thing, you know, about this school, is that it's not just you. It's the city, and the students, and the people, and the tourists, and… (starts to run out of things to say) the homeless people, and the squirrels… and pigeons! So, you see, it's not ever just you!

–Bobst Library, NYU

Tour guide on bus: Now over here we have Trump Towers. Donald is not in the building today, as he is out of country awaiting the birth of his next wife.

–Trump Towers