Archive for the ‘Library’ Category

Sometimes, Wednesday One-Liners Are Tough to Swallow

Girl on cell: Five hours later, I was still pulling cum out of my hair! –13th St Overheard by: questioning the physics Drunk girl to drunk guy: I would love to be 5'8", I mean…it's like not tall…but like not short. (four minutes later, screaming) Yeah…like…too much thought is like…bad for you! (later) They should've jerked you off in your sock! –84th & Amsterdam Ave One of four middle aged men on a bench: Well, the key is to never swallow the cum, spit the cum out. –Central Park Overheard by: Dan High voiced hobo to teenager: I want you to cum on my face. –72nd St & Broadway 20-something girl on cell: Oh, you can't carry the microscope with you? Well, if you come here we'll have to forgo the sperm. If I come to visit you, then we can work it into the schedule. –Ess-A-Bagel Overheard by: Emma NYU dude: How do you get cock-blocked while you're jizzing?! –St. Mark's Place & 2nd Ave Overheard by: IWasWonderingThatToo Student, slamming reproductive biology book shut: Sperm! It's everywhere! –Bobst Library Overheard by: ttny

Look, Forget I Brought It Up

Male law student: You know who I feel sorry for?
Female law student: Who?
Male law student: A black guy with a small dick.
Female law student: Why?
Male law student: Because the expectations are so much higher.
Female law student: You mean, like, with you it’s just expected, right?
Male law student: Not me. I’m hung like… like a black guy.
Female law student: You mean like the black guy who isn’t well-hung? –Brooklyn Law School library Overheard by: Big Larry

Dude, Would You Please Cowboy Up?

Desperate law student: But I love you!
Heartless biotech: That’s your problem, not mine.
Desperate law student: I can’t live without you.
Heartless biotech: So don’t.
Desperate law student: You wouldn’t even care if I killed myself, would you?
Heartless biotech: Not unless you decided to do it in front of my house and I had to have police and the media there. Then I’d be pissed.
Desperate law student: How can you be so cruel to someone who loves you so much?
Heartless biotech: Oh, just one thing — if you do decide to kill yourself try to do it the week of August sixth, ’cause I’ll be in Martha’s Vineyard with Jason then. –Brooklyn Law School library Overheard by: Big Larry – cringing with empathy

Wednesday One-Liners: Guaranteed to Rot Your Teeth.

20-something women in yoga gear, simultaneously: It was like a blessing in cake form. –Astor Place Girl: I'm too single to eat a brownie. –NYU Library Guy on cell: Soft Serve is so good, you will step in dog poop and not even care! –14th St b/w 7th & 8th Serious guy on his way out of restaurant, to girl: So all we need are aspirin and Skittles. –Angelo's Pizza Assertive little boy in shopping cart seat, grabbing mom's face: I want to buy a chocolate croissant and eat it. Do you understand what I'm saying? –Food Coop, Park Slope Overheard by: Jenny