Archive for the ‘Library’ Category

Even Oprah's Tried Wednesday One-Liners

Guy sitting at bar: I live in the ghetto. And there's a lot of crackheads. But I'm not attracted to them. –Mojito Loco, Brooklyn Crackhead to gay boy: Yo, gay boy! When a crackhead asks you a question you answer! –110th St Station Guy to friend: The only reason I quit cigarettes was because crack ended up being cheaper. –NYU Bobst Library Girl on cell: Well, it's a good thing you didn't buy that crack then. (pause) Oh. –Columbia University College Walk

Wednesday One-Liners for “White Harlem”

Columbia freshman: Mwahaha…I love contextual references. –Butler Library, Columbia University Overheard by: not studying… Guy to friends: God, why doesn't Columbia have a freakin' umbrella over it? –Columbia University Overheard by: dripping wet Columbia student to another: I didn't mean to get drunk last night, but I stopped by a liquor store on the way home. –Columbia University Columbia student to friend: Do you want to go frolic in Westside Market? –110th & Broadway Female Columbia student to male Columbia student, smacking him with foam covered bat: Sometimes I feel like we belong in a state school. –Columbia Dorm

Anyone Else Wondering What These Girls Are Doing at a Library?

16-year-old tourist girl #1, looking at a map of Europe: You know that country that is shaped like a boot?
16-year-old tourist girl #2: Yeah…Italy, of couse.
16-year-old tourist girl #1: No, it's not…I know this one…it's…Florida!
16-year-old tourist girl #2: Oh my god! I cant believe you've said that. Florida is in the US!
16-year-old tourist girl #1: I know! –New York Public Library Overheard by: Thales H.

What Is It About a Wednesday One-Liner in Uniform?

Security guard to another: I know it's habitual to act retarded. –Time Warner Security Check Overheard by: spandangle Security guard: The door's that way, people. I know that when you see a door you want to go through it–it's human nature. –Crown Plaza Hotel, Times Square Overheard by: GJL Female security guard: What does my sexual genitalia have to do with it? –Brooklyn Library Little boy: Mommy, mommy, look! They've got security guards! Must be a rich people place. –86th & Brooklyn Security guard, after metal detector beeps: Ma'am, would you please remove your wooden bracelet and walk back through the metal detector again? –Liberty Island Overheard by: heather linford Crazy security guard: I have so much gas. I'm going to take all my gas and send it to Iraq and end the war. (gets distracted by a girl walking past with an ice cream cone) Hey, you're stomach's gonna freeze! –NYU Dorm Overheard by: Honest Truth

One-Liners Are All Wednesday Can Afford

11-year-old girl: Yo mamma's broke cuz she spend all her money on rhinestones and cigarttes! –Riverside Branch Library Overheard by: always listening Polite lady: Go straight down that way and cut through the projects–don't worry, they're mixed income–and you'll see it when you come out on A. –1st Ave & 5th St. Overheard by: Mrqs Old lady waiting for the bathroom: How long do people stay in toilets? Jesus! It's a public toilet! There are all these people from the streets that come in, and they always pee on the floor. Well, that's what happens when you're poor. –NY Public Library Overheard by: Avery Homegirl to friend: So she was like "oh, my name's Diamond. And this is my sister, her name's Ruby. Our daddy named us after stuff he can't afford." I was like, shit, if that was the case, my daddy woulda call us "lights" and "gas." –Prospect Park Nerdish teen: What the hell was a warlock doing in a dungeon when he had no money? –C Train Overheard by: Andrew

A Gaggle Of Wednesday One-Liners

Guy on cell: I mean, it was bigger than a horse. But it had four humps. –14th & 2nd Overheard by: LIZ Drunk man: A plastic sheep or a real sheep… When it comes down to it… is there really any difference? –Biddy Early's Pub Chick on cell: It's better than riding a golden yak! –Morningside Heights Overheard by: Ursula & Winifred Man to friend: Did I mean "wombats"? Of course I meant fucking wombats! –3 Train Blonde: What is a mongoose and where can I get one? –Times Square Guy on cell (fumbling with a pack of Marlboros): Well, for one, it’s been ten days since the baby snakes have eaten. –92nd St & Broadway Overheard by: The Mad Man Middle-aged white guy: …so we told the children they couldn't go to the petting zoo, to see how they would react. (pause) It was interesting on a psychological level. –Outside of Butler Library, Columbia University Overheard by: Ladle